I am having trouble sleeping.
It started because I have been sick as a dog (even in New York, but I pushed past it) and unable to breathe well at night.
Then when we got back from the weekend, I had all the normal "back-to-work/school" worries running around in my brain.
And then, last night -- horror of horrors -- I noticed the mice have come back. UGGGGHH!! I HATE living in my house! And so I spent the night lying awake, imagining every tiny sound I heard was a mouse, coming to eat me alive.
Around 12:45, I decided to just get up. I went to my computer and started to do the mindless thing I always do when I can't sleep -- looking at pictures of renovated kitchens and dreaming (something I do a lot of at cultivate.com); or looking at actual, beautiful, non-mice-ridden houses for sale in neighborhoods I only wish I lived in.
But last night, after considerable prayer for days on end for strength and courage, I decided to finally take a step toward getting that new house, and that beautiful kitchen.
I hope you know that I have been reading all of my friends' blog posts about dreaming big, and not being afraid and taking the first step toward your goals. I read them and I truly feel inspired. It just took until last night, for some reason, to turn that wistful, half-hearted inspiration and motivation into action.
I'm still not quite ready to put it out into the world exactly what I've done -- and believe me, it was a small, small, extremely preliminary step in a long line of things I'll need to do -- because there's no guarantee that I will succeed. In fact, there's a high likelihood I will not reach this goal, one I've had since I was a teenager. It is a big goal.
But in the wee hours of this morning, I took a step. One small step. But a step.
For this, I am grateful for being unable to sleep (for once). And I am truly grateful for having blogger friends who inspire me to DO something about my dreams, and not just remember them, foggily, in the morning after a long night of staring at the ceiling.