Those of you who Facebook (yes, I used it as a verb. So what?) might remember a thing that was going around a few years ago called "25 Things."
The idea was that you were supposed to post 25 random things about yourself and then other friends would do the same. In doing so, you would likely learn something about friends you've known a long time or those you just met, but also -- just in thinking hard about and selecting your own "random things" -- you would probably learn something about yourself. I know I did.
Anyway, I'd like to do a 25 Things for this blog, but first I thought I'd go back and find my original one on Facebook. It was penned on Jan. 26, 2009 -- before I was even pregnant with Cary and Dean. Reading it now, I find it extremely interesting. And I wonder what 25 Things I'll come up with to write now that my life has changed so much.
25 Things About Me (from 2009)
1) Sometime in my 30s, I developed a serious case of insomnia.
2)
I'm a Gemini, but not a typical skitzo-one. Except in a few ways, like I
can't stand for food to sit out after eating meals, but I will leave
dishes in the sink, no problem.
3) I am a bonafide Daddy's girl. Case in point: My Dad is the one who took me shopping for the Prom.
4)
My three nieces and three nephews call me "Auntie Tika." My Mom's side
of the family calls me "Rab." My siblings all call me "Taneek." My
husband calls me "beautiful."
5) I try reaaaaallly hard not to walk on sidewalk grates. They're scary.
6) I live for Turner Classic Movies.
7) Jesse Jackson once yelled at me during a phone conversation, and then bragged about it at the Black Baptists' Convention.
8)
I have a LOT of girlfriends -- women whose friendship, advice and love I
cherish. Thus, I don't really trust women who say things like, "I can't
be friends with women."
9) When I'm concentrating on my writing,
I take my shoes off and I need to be chewing something. Gum is best,
but grapes or granola or some sort of cashew, pistachio, nutty type
thing will do.
10) I say I hate cheese but I really only hate
certain kinds: stinky ones, hard ones, cheese on sandwiches or grated on
salads or on top of things, or by itself. Pizza, lasagna, cheese eggs,
mac & cheese -- all fine!
11) My husband has made me more interested in politics.
12) I can't swim. Or ski. Or sing. In fact, I have no athletic or musical talent whatsoever.
13) I despise competition.
14)
If there's a choice between watching some relatively new show on TV or
the Golden Girls or Matlock, I'll take Blanche and Ben every day of the
week.
15) I miss my Grandmother every single day.
16) I wear a retainer at night.
17) I was part of a school desegregation program in kindergarten and 1st grade.
18) I am borderline diabetic, which means I should not eat as many sweets or carbs as I do. Sigh.
19)
In high school and college I would be so bummed that I didn't weigh
enough to give blood. I finally gained enough weight in my mid-20s. As
soon as I could give blood, at an office blood drive, I did -- and hated
it. Never did it again.
20) I talk to my sister or my Dad - or both - every day.
21) Sometimes I wonder if I've missed my chance to have children.
22)
If I have downtime (standing in line, waiting for an appointment,
riding the train), I'll take a book over my iPod all day long.
23) Shellfish is my friend. So is chocolate.
24) I think "nice" is a word too overused to describe people -- most of whom really aren't.
25)
In my next life, I will be a photographer and a philanthropist. And 5
inches taller. But I will still find Lester and marry him.
I'll think about my updated list -- which will likely have some of the same things on it -- and post at a later date.
What are your 25 Things?
Showing posts with label Facebook. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Facebook. Show all posts
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Reading and thinking today and everyday
Here's what I'm reading and contemplating today:
1. Get Off Your Cloud, Marissa!
The New York Times' Maureen Dowd -- who sometimes nails it and sometimes miserably fails it -- published a thought-provoking piece today about the new Yahoo CEO Marissa Meyer, who took a 2-week (!!) maternity leave, built a nursery next to her office, and has now forbidden all employees from ever "working from home." Dowd's column has me thinking a lot about being a working Mom and a woman in the workforce and someone who is constantly recalibrating every aspect of life, trying to maintain some semblance of balance.
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/02/27/opinion/dowd-get-off-your-cloud.html?hp&_r=0
2. We Need to Stop Faking it on Facebook
This blogger's take on "Fakebooking" resonated with me, as I realized that 1) I sometimes am annoyed when friends make it seem like having kids is a daylong shower of sunshine and chocolate bunnies, and 2) I am guilty of doing this as well, and 3) I sometimes use Facebook to remind myself that life ain't perfect, but it's pretty damn good.
Here's what I wrote on Facebook about it:
Seriously, sometimes I post the really good stuff to remind MYSELF that my life is really good. Because I can get in moods where I'm like, "My house is a wreck; there's laundry everywhere; potty training BITES; I look 5-months pregnant a year after giving birth; my kingdom for 6 hours of solid sleep a night; what's this thing people keep talking about called a "vacation?"; where's all my MONEY I was supposed to be making by now??? And dammit, if I see another chicken nugget, I'm going to cry!" So I'll look at photos of my crazy cute kids and post it up all pretty and Instagrammed and someone will say, "Hey Tanika, your kids are super cute!" and I do feel better. I can't lie. I do. I remember that I love my kids and my life, just because someone hit "Like" and took the time to comment. Is that pathetic? Maybe so. But it's better than taking up a nightly Scotch habit.
And then, in response to a later comment:
I agree, Sarah. Most of our friends are good at balancing the humorous, the self-deprecating and the ain't-life-grand posts. But there are times when the best parts of my day win out over the worst. I could have posted, for example, the long list of poop-related things that happened last night to me (none of which were pretty) with the status message, "Boy, what a shitty night I've had. Literally." That would have been funny, I guess. But instead, I chose to post the video of Clair walking, which made me feel much better about my shitty night. It's a form of self-censoring, and also a form of Facebook-as-therapy. Nothing wrong with it, I don't think. So long as there's balance.
http://www.kveller.com/blog/parenting/we-need-to-quit-telling-lies-on-facebook/
3. Life is short. Live it -- really live it -- now, not later. Because later may never come.
Mary Corey was the Features editor at The Baltimore Sun when I worked a brief stint as fashion writer. I admired her very much for her dignity and grace, which seemed to be from another time. But I admit to feeling like her life seemed very lonely. She died yesterday -- at 49 years old, just 10 years older than me. She had her journalism career (which is impressive, no doubt) and her dog. And that's it. I don't want to seem disparaging at all to her, please don't get me wrong. But her death has left me sadder than I thought it would, and I think it's because it reminds me what is really important in life. And I know I can sometimes lose sight of that in my quest to do more, be more, have more. Mary's death is a billboard -- in my opinion -- for the fact that loving is living. And loving well is living well.
http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/obituaries/bs-md-corey-obituary-20130226,0,600276.story
4. Overcoming a Racist Past in Baltimore
Having grown up in very diverse communities, I forget sometimes that for most people life wasn't always this multi-cultural, this tolerant, this Benetton ad personified.
This commentary in today's Sun was amazingly self-reflective and enlightening to me. Being a part of the "minority" population, one of the "aggrieved," it has always seemed like a no-brainer to me that people should be treated equally, not stereotyped or discriminated against or despised. But reading this writer's very honest reflection on his childhood illuminates for me the incredible work that has to be done for even well-meaning folks to overcome the baggage they've been spoonfed most of their lives --from society, from popular culture, from their own neighborhoods and families.
It reminds me even more that patience, grace and forgiveness are key to achieving the kind of fair society we all say we want to have.
http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/opinion/oped/bs-ed-racist-past-20130225,0,1981054.story
So what do you all think of these articles and their themes?
1. Get Off Your Cloud, Marissa!
The New York Times' Maureen Dowd -- who sometimes nails it and sometimes miserably fails it -- published a thought-provoking piece today about the new Yahoo CEO Marissa Meyer, who took a 2-week (!!) maternity leave, built a nursery next to her office, and has now forbidden all employees from ever "working from home." Dowd's column has me thinking a lot about being a working Mom and a woman in the workforce and someone who is constantly recalibrating every aspect of life, trying to maintain some semblance of balance.
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/02/27/opinion/dowd-get-off-your-cloud.html?hp&_r=0
2. We Need to Stop Faking it on Facebook
This blogger's take on "Fakebooking" resonated with me, as I realized that 1) I sometimes am annoyed when friends make it seem like having kids is a daylong shower of sunshine and chocolate bunnies, and 2) I am guilty of doing this as well, and 3) I sometimes use Facebook to remind myself that life ain't perfect, but it's pretty damn good.
Here's what I wrote on Facebook about it:
Seriously, sometimes I post the really good stuff to remind MYSELF that my life is really good. Because I can get in moods where I'm like, "My house is a wreck; there's laundry everywhere; potty training BITES; I look 5-months pregnant a year after giving birth; my kingdom for 6 hours of solid sleep a night; what's this thing people keep talking about called a "vacation?"; where's all my MONEY I was supposed to be making by now??? And dammit, if I see another chicken nugget, I'm going to cry!" So I'll look at photos of my crazy cute kids and post it up all pretty and Instagrammed and someone will say, "Hey Tanika, your kids are super cute!" and I do feel better. I can't lie. I do. I remember that I love my kids and my life, just because someone hit "Like" and took the time to comment. Is that pathetic? Maybe so. But it's better than taking up a nightly Scotch habit.
And then, in response to a later comment:
I agree, Sarah. Most of our friends are good at balancing the humorous, the self-deprecating and the ain't-life-grand posts. But there are times when the best parts of my day win out over the worst. I could have posted, for example, the long list of poop-related things that happened last night to me (none of which were pretty) with the status message, "Boy, what a shitty night I've had. Literally." That would have been funny, I guess. But instead, I chose to post the video of Clair walking, which made me feel much better about my shitty night. It's a form of self-censoring, and also a form of Facebook-as-therapy. Nothing wrong with it, I don't think. So long as there's balance.
http://www.kveller.com/blog/parenting/we-need-to-quit-telling-lies-on-facebook/
3. Life is short. Live it -- really live it -- now, not later. Because later may never come.
Mary Corey was the Features editor at The Baltimore Sun when I worked a brief stint as fashion writer. I admired her very much for her dignity and grace, which seemed to be from another time. But I admit to feeling like her life seemed very lonely. She died yesterday -- at 49 years old, just 10 years older than me. She had her journalism career (which is impressive, no doubt) and her dog. And that's it. I don't want to seem disparaging at all to her, please don't get me wrong. But her death has left me sadder than I thought it would, and I think it's because it reminds me what is really important in life. And I know I can sometimes lose sight of that in my quest to do more, be more, have more. Mary's death is a billboard -- in my opinion -- for the fact that loving is living. And loving well is living well.
http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/obituaries/bs-md-corey-obituary-20130226,0,600276.story
4. Overcoming a Racist Past in Baltimore
Having grown up in very diverse communities, I forget sometimes that for most people life wasn't always this multi-cultural, this tolerant, this Benetton ad personified.
This commentary in today's Sun was amazingly self-reflective and enlightening to me. Being a part of the "minority" population, one of the "aggrieved," it has always seemed like a no-brainer to me that people should be treated equally, not stereotyped or discriminated against or despised. But reading this writer's very honest reflection on his childhood illuminates for me the incredible work that has to be done for even well-meaning folks to overcome the baggage they've been spoonfed most of their lives --from society, from popular culture, from their own neighborhoods and families.
It reminds me even more that patience, grace and forgiveness are key to achieving the kind of fair society we all say we want to have.
http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/opinion/oped/bs-ed-racist-past-20130225,0,1981054.story
So what do you all think of these articles and their themes?
Monday, June 25, 2012
No earrings for Clair!
So, I decided to seek expert advice about whether or not we should pierce Clair's ears.
For those of you who don't speak Social Network, that means, "I posted it on Facebook." :-)
I have NEVER, EVER gotten so many responses to anything I've ever posted! People have real opinions about this, and memories and emotions, too. It was truly fascinating to read them all.
The responses, of course, only served to make me more confused. There were good arguments on both sides of the issue. Do it early and she'll not remember the pain or tug on them -- and she'll be totally cute, to boot! Or wait till later, when she can remember the fun memory of getting them (and maybe I can be a part of that!) I'm posting some of the responses here, so you can see just why my head was spinning when it was all over. (See below.)
But, at the end of the day, Lester weighed in with his opinion, and there was no equivocation. He really doesn't want to get her ears pierced as a baby (despite the fact that it's a tradition in my family). He said he'd rather her wait until she's older and can decide on her own if she wants them. And then we can make it something she earns, perhaps. I guess if I'm being honest, I'm a little bit disappointed. My Nana (my Mom's Mom) pierced all our ears when we were babies -- her girls and her girls' girls and even some of her great-grands (the category Clair falls in). I had earrings since 9 months old -- little gold balls. And they look totally cute in pictures. I imagined Clair with little studs and I almost always cracked a little smile (even though I also cringed at the idea of her being in pain, or getting an infection, or swallowing one of her earrings - YIKES!)
But at the end of the day, this is not my family; it's OUR family -- entirely its own thing, not bound by the traditions of the family my Mom created. So I want to respect Lester's feelings on this. And I'm OK with it.
After all, this little chunky monkey doesn't need any help in the cuteness department!
Here's some of the Facebook discussion, in case you want to participate in the volley. Read it and let your head spin, too:
For those of you who don't speak Social Network, that means, "I posted it on Facebook." :-)
I have NEVER, EVER gotten so many responses to anything I've ever posted! People have real opinions about this, and memories and emotions, too. It was truly fascinating to read them all.
The responses, of course, only served to make me more confused. There were good arguments on both sides of the issue. Do it early and she'll not remember the pain or tug on them -- and she'll be totally cute, to boot! Or wait till later, when she can remember the fun memory of getting them (and maybe I can be a part of that!) I'm posting some of the responses here, so you can see just why my head was spinning when it was all over. (See below.)
But, at the end of the day, Lester weighed in with his opinion, and there was no equivocation. He really doesn't want to get her ears pierced as a baby (despite the fact that it's a tradition in my family). He said he'd rather her wait until she's older and can decide on her own if she wants them. And then we can make it something she earns, perhaps. I guess if I'm being honest, I'm a little bit disappointed. My Nana (my Mom's Mom) pierced all our ears when we were babies -- her girls and her girls' girls and even some of her great-grands (the category Clair falls in). I had earrings since 9 months old -- little gold balls. And they look totally cute in pictures. I imagined Clair with little studs and I almost always cracked a little smile (even though I also cringed at the idea of her being in pain, or getting an infection, or swallowing one of her earrings - YIKES!)
But at the end of the day, this is not my family; it's OUR family -- entirely its own thing, not bound by the traditions of the family my Mom created. So I want to respect Lester's feelings on this. And I'm OK with it.
After all, this little chunky monkey doesn't need any help in the cuteness department!
.JPG) | |||
| Lounging at the beach in her hot pink bathing suit. All she needs is a drink with an umbrella in it! |
Here's some of the Facebook discussion, in case you want to participate in the volley. Read it and let your head spin, too:
·
Jenn Zahirsky We did my niece when she was too young to remember.... personally since I rememeber the day I got mine done, I think we made the right choice for her.21 June at 09:25 ·
Lisa Smith-Simpson I say the younger the better for the baby and your nerves. Some tylenol and a bottle and she will go right to sleep.
Lynn Anderson Davy I think earrings on baby girls are really cute but I didn't do it for Alice. I was 16 when I got my ears pierced. My niece got hers pierced when she turned 5 and she didn't even cry.
Linda Perlstein Doesn't really look cute to me (though of course Clair will look cute regardless). Also, I take my earrings out at night—they're not comfortable. Why make a baby have those in?
Jill Hudson Neal I think they're so cute. If you're worried about the pain, can't the person doing the piercing apply a topical ointment so baby girl doesn't feel anything?
Leeann Adams I think that perhaps it might be best to let Claire decide when she wants her ears pierced. Why do something that's potentially painful if you don't have to? And then you have to clean them. What if they get infected? I begged to have my ears pierced when I was in third grade. My mom made me wait until sixth grade. I was not happy.
Joyce Hicks We pierced talia's ears at 2. I think it's fine. But you have to twirl them 2x a day for two weeks. Talia's got infected, stuck and hurt. That may be hard in a baby.
21 June at 10:00 via Mobile ·
Fern Jackson Seay Think how old you were when you had yours pierced. You just have to take care of them..
Tricia Bishop I think it's a rite of passage you would both enjoy when she's older. I started asking when I was 5, and was told to wait until 10. I still remember everything about that trip to the mall on my 10th birthday and how grownup I felt afterward. It's a favorite memory. :)
21 June at 10:14 via Mobile ·
Rona Kobell I think it does look cute, but it's just another thing to take care of, and you have your hands full. I agree with the folks who say wait until she asks. That's what I'm doing with Maya, who will be 7 next month and hasn't asked, though a lot of her friends have theirs done. if she really wants to do it, we can do it for her 8th birthday. Gah! My niece is 5 and has hers pierced but i don't know when she did it. I got mine pierced at 6, at the dentist's, who was our neighbor. i do remember feeling really grown up and kind of exotic, wearing my little pearl earrings everywhere. But I never wear earrings anymore cuz I'm on the phone so much.
21 June at 10:25 · · 1
Tania DeLuzuriaga I got mine when I was three... my sister had to wait until 13. It was more special for her, I think. And I know the infections were a pain for my mom to deal with when I was little.
Rasheeda Crayton Childress I don't care either way, though my husband is vehemently opposed. I was actually surprised by how much he was opposed. My mother had my ears pierced when I was 2, so I have no recollection of the piercing, and had the benefits of pierced ears for as long as I can remember. So, as a grownup, I certainly like that there are no painful/dreaded memories of the piercing.
Tanika Davis Ugh. Such good points from everyone! This is tough! I got mine at 9 months old, and never had an infection or any painful memories. My sisters all got theirs at or around the same time, and also, no infections. My Nana (my Mom's mom) pierced all our ears, so it's like a tradition in our family. But I am taking into consideration everything you've all posted here, plus the fact that she could swallow them! (I read that somewhere!!) And then there's the newish societal view of babies with pierced ears. It seems some folks see them as "low-class" these days, which I'm not sure I understand. I tend to think it's really cute, when it's tasteful. But...there's that bias to contend with, too! UGH!! Lester's opposed (because of the pain factor) and I'm not as sure about it now that I have a daughter, as I once was when she was a mere theory. Have I said, "UGH!" yet?!
21 June at 10:40 · · 1
Cita D Trice laci was 6 months when i got her ears pierced. that was best because she never messed with them.
21 June at 10:40 via Mobile ·
Holly Beatty I would wait until she can decide. They aren't that painful, so it won't traumatize her when she is older. And I personally worry about choking hazard and infections. She could be sensitive to the metals, which I was. It took 3 different times in my life to get it right. But the biggest thing for me is that babies tug on their ears and when that eating gets lost and you find yourself tearing the bed apart or looking thru poopy diapers for a week you might wish you would have waited. Plus since you already know you want her to have them imagine how cool you will be when she says mom can I get earrings and you say yes lets go!
Whitney Jackson I did Sydnee, Emerson and Donovan's all when they were babies. Never had one single issue. Sleeping with earrings in was never an issue because you just get the simple piercing studs with the safety backs. Most babies don't even realize they are there and cleaning them is so simple. I say go for it and if it turns out she doesn't like wearing them when she gets older she can simply take them out. Sydnee wears earrings all day everyday but Emerson only wears them on special occasions because her hair is so long and sometimes it gets tangled. Im glad i didn't wait to do it because my kids don't even remember it. I say do it.
Sharon Pankey We did our little ones at 3 months...easier when they are babies...:-)
21 June at 10:53 via Mobile ·
Tanika Davis Elizabeth , you're going to have to think about this TWICE. Come join me in Ambiguity, why don't you? There's plenty of room.
Elizabeth Wiley I've got an answer for me :-). The answer for me is it will not be done until they are of an age where they can logically and rationally request it being done and then it will be something that they have to earn with behavior above and beyond normal expectations.
Erin Texeira We got Sophia's done at 5 months old. She cried for 15 seconds, then went to sleep in her stroller (leaning on the ears). No apparent discomfort. Over the years, only one infection, when we put in cutsie earrings and forgot to clean them. I recommend tiny hoops (find ones that secure very tightly) -- no infections ever because the metal does not touch the ear and there is no surface area under which dirt can get trapped. We rarely remove them and they are effortless. Now, the "low class" question.... Have heard it. Not your problem. As with all decisions about your kids, decide what YOU think and disregard everyone else.
21 June at 11:02 via Mobile ·
Erin Albanese We are waiting until Sophie is seven (if she wants them pierced). I got mine done at the same age and it is a fond memory - I even have photos of the event to share with Sophie. That said, I think earrings are adorable on babies!
Carolyn Brewington Edwards Everyone's responses shows me how much times have changed. Can you believe I don't even remember when I got my girls ears pierced?? Kelly - Help!! She's your baby and whatever you & Lester agree upon will be fine. One thing I do remember is I could not afford gold earrings - I don't care how small the were. :)
Raven Ellis Mine were pierced before I left the hospital by the doctor... From
what i hear some old pediatrician still do it. I had no infections... And my mom said the because I was so young, I did not even pull at them...
21 June at 11:58 via Mobile ·
Shreya Hessler Do it. The girls were 8 weeks old when I got them pierced.
21 June at 12:13 via Mobile ·
Sylvia Johnson Pryor I have no real preference either way, but I do remember it being an exciting rite of passage when I was in elementary school.
Jill Zarend-Kubatko Hmmm, tough call. I left it up to my daughter and at age 12 she was allowed. I got one with her...
Stephanie Desmon Love babies with earrings. That said, Callie's aren't pierced yet. If I had done them when she was younger, I wouldn't have had to worry about her taking care of them. Now at 5 she wants them but I KNOW she can't take care of them.
21 June at 13:20 via Mobile ·
Carla Hubbard I think getting them done when they are less than 1 is best because, as others said, they are less apt to play with them BUT I would stick to plain balls or earlobe hugging hoops so that the don't catch clothing, etc. I put some pretty cross shaped ones on Brie and it almost tore her earlobe so I she didnt wear any for a few years so now, at 4( almost 5) i catch her constantly manipulating them to the point I've threatened to take them out altogeyher
21 June at 13:22 via Mobile ·
Laura Hayes-Heuer I don't like them on babies. Plus I like my memories of begging my mom for them and then getting to go with my best friend and getting our ears pierced at the same time. I vote for it to be her decision when she's older :)
Shanda Petersen-Collier I had Ajah's pierced as soon as her pediatrician gave the green light. Never had an issue since I kept her ears cleaned. As for discomfort, I gave her some baby motrin an hour before & she was fine. She cried for about 5 minutes then she was fine. I'm so glad I didn't wait for her to get older because she's afraid of urrrything including her own shadow;)
Sharon Locke Cleaver On her first birthday. Give her a lollipop while it's being done. She won't cry.
21 June at 17:42 via Mobile ·
Jo Parker We decided against any cosmetic permanent changes for either kid until we felt they were old enough to give informed consent. Catie got her ears pierced at 10.
Mari Verrecchia DeLonde (My 2 cents) I come from a very old school conservative family who didn't allow me to get my ears pierced until I was 13, and it was then that I discovered that I am HIGHLY allergic to fake jewelry. I say, with a name like Clair Davis, she will always be a classy lady with or without earrings ;) but BECAUSE her name is Clair Davis, she can only wear platinum diamond studs (those are always classy and the other babies will be hatin!) But because I am very politically correct, has anyone asked Cary or Dean their thoughts and if they may want some earrangs? Make it a family affair! :)
Tanika Davis So, just FYI: My husband says this discussion is non-negotiable. She does not get earrings. Soooo, well...thanks for your time, folks. I really found all your thoughts very helpful! Truly. Not that I had made up my mind or anything. I bounced back and forth all day between wanting to have a memory-making experience with her when she's older and wanting her to have had her earrings all her life, like I did. But the discussion was fascinating!
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