Synapse checklist 2012

** BREAKING NEWS: WE DID NOT WIN THE MEGA-MILLIONS!! WE ARE STILL BROKE.**

OK, now back to my regularly scheduled post.

As the boys approach their second birthday -- entering their third year of life -- I have been thinking a lot about their synapses. Those of you who have been even cursory readers of this blog know that I have a bit of an obsession with creating synapses in my children's growing brains.
Yes, I know this makes no sense.

Anyway, since so much of their brain development will have occurred by the time they reach age 3, this 2nd birthday means they are two-thirds of the way there!! Ack!! The heat is on for me to expose them to more new things, so that they will have the synapses for those things, and thus more building blocks to create more synapses later on.

So what things do I want them to do/see/experience this year?

• Go to the beach. Build sand castles. Watch the tide come in and out.
• Pick some fruit at a real fruit orchard. Bring it home and help Mommy make something out of it.
• Fly a kite.
• Ride public transportation.
• Have a picnic.
• Dig for earthworms after a good rain.
• Go to the State Fair. Ride some kiddie rides. Eat funnel cake.
• Sleep in a sleeping bag.
• Go to the zoo. (We've done this a bunch, but I think they're old enough to really get it now.)
• Play with Play-Doh. (I've been too chicken to break out the Play-Doh for fear of ingested Play-Doh, and Play-Doh stuck all over every darn thing.)
• Finger-paint. (Ditto.)
• See a real rainbow in the sky.
• Go on a hayride. Help Mommy or Daddy carve a pumpkin.
• See a parade, complete with floats and marching bands.
• Ride on some kind of boat.
• Participate in at least one, maybe two organized activities (music class, soccer, swim lessons,etc.)
  

Of course I also want them to have learned/accomplished some very important things, like potty training, counting to 20, shapes, colors, ABCs, helping to dress themselves, etc. But for some reason, the fun, experiential stuff seems like more of a challenge.

What's missing from this list? What else should 2-year-olds see and do by the time they turn 3?

A study in contrasts

I have been cognizant of the stark differences in my two boys since birth -- and actually, since they were in the womb, when Dean was a mover and a kicker and Cary made me call the OB because I could barely feel him.

But sometimes, more than others, I am really struck by how different they are. Today, for example, Michelle and I took the boys to Port Discovery, something we've done many times. I took photos, as I always do, but I didn't pay a lot of attention to what I was doing, really, because frankly I have a zillion photos of them at Port Discovery now. So I was sorta vacantly snapping.

When I got home, though, and went to share the photos by e-mail with Lester, I couldn't help but notice this:

Dean, in constant motion, so much so that he is hard to photograph:







And Cary, very often, sitting and reading:








This is not to say that Dean doesn't like to read. He does. And sing! Boy does he love to sing.

And it is not to say that Cary doesn't run around like a crazy person, tearing my house up every day. He most certainly does. His favorite words these days are, "outside," "pway" and "park."

Lester is very nervous when I start categorizing my boys in the way that this post is doing. And I truly don't want to label them, for many reasons, but especially because I want them to discover who they are and who they want to become without potentially-damaging interference.

But the camera don't lie, peoples. You can see it for yourselves.

People are who they are; even those lucky people who happen to share a womb and a birthday.

********
Meanwhile, CLAIR UPDATE!



We went for her 6 week check-up yesterday -- even though she's technically 6-weeks-old today (Happy 6 weeks, Clair!) -- and my sweetie is 10 lbs. 4 oz. and 22 inches long. Yay! She's well-nourished! (Guilt-ridden bottle-feeding mommas out there, you know what I'm talkin' about!)

She started smiling at me about 10 days ago, and boy does that whole-face, toothless smile make a difference to a sleep-deprived mother! So far, Clair is very, very smiley and is always moving her mouth as if she wants to talk to me. I think this means she will grow into a happy, chatty girl, and I am pleased as can be with that.

After her doctor's appointment, I went to Panera and ordered breakfast, sat a table and read the paper and e-mail, while Clair napped in her carseat. When she got fussy, I fed her and then held her in my arms while I continued to read. She was so peaceful and smiley (even in her sleep), and I started thinking about how wonderful it will be when I can really, really hang out with my daughter, just the two of us, out on the town, having a bite to eat and enjoying one another. Of course, I started crying a little bit thinking about just how happy I am that God chose me to have a daughter -- and that He chose Clair to be the daughter I got.

Of course, I have no idea who these three human beings I gave birth to will turn out to be in the long run. But they sure are spectacular right now.

Catching up in between feeding and napping

This blogging while parenting a new baby is proving more difficult than I thought!

It's been so long since my last post, I have so much to say, and of course Clair just woke up from a nap and is only being stalled temporarily from screaming by a glorious pacifier, so I don't know how much time I'll actually have.

But here goes.

Since last we met, a bunch has happened:

1. My Dad had his 60th birthday, and I took Clair down to D.C. to meet him for lunch to celebrate. It turned into a full day, as we picked up my middle sister, Kadija, from work so she could come too, and then the two of us went to visit our baby sister, Tahira, who had come home the day before from the hospital with her new baby, Matthew.

Check out Clair and Matthew together for the first time. She is SO much bigger than he, and only a month and a day older. But I suspect this won't last long, as Matthew's Dad is pretty big guy.



2. Our family noted that it has been a year (as of yesterday) since my brother Rashad's near-fatal car accident. This is cause for much rejoicing, and we're planning a big Easter-dinner celebration to really mark the occasion.

Here's Clair and her Uncle Rashad. This picture totally brings tears to my eyes, as there were many moments a year ago when we had no idea if he'd live or die. And here he is holding my unexpected baby daughter! So many miracles in this one photo, I can't even DEAL!
(Rashad calls her Lil' C. Why? I have no idea. But he has nicknames for everyone, so this is par for the course with him. I think it's cute...)



And here's Clair with her Uncle Haleem, my other brother. We don't get to see too much of him, because he is always off doing single-guy-with-no-kids things, so we will cherish this photo as evidence that he and she did, in fact, meet! And he fell in love instantly. (Of course.)



3. I got a little over-zealous with my newfound non-pregnant energy and decided to buy a bunch of organizational things at Target to try to make my house NOT look like a tornado hit it, and all the carrying heavy things and working has me feeling oh-so-sore. I had been feeling much better, but now I am having trouble sitting up in the bed again. So today, I am taking it easy, despite the fact that it is BEAUTIFUL outside (77 and sunny), and I really want to be outdoors with my boys. But come next week, back to getting my house in order!!!

4. Speaking of the boys, they are just getting so big and awesome! They are starting to tell "stories" about things that happened or things they'd like to happen. The stories have few, if any, verbs, mind you, mainly nouns, but you can certainly piece the tale together. One such exchange might go like this:

"Big Truck Book. Broke it. Dean. Mimi take it. Time out!"
or
"Outside, puh-leeeez. Park. Children. Later. After nap. Puh-leeeez."
or
"Bathtub. Upstairs. Mommy comin' too. MOMMY!! Comin!!"

It's so great to hear them start stringing so many thoughts together. We can actually have conversations! Last night at dinner, Cary told me he wanted a "new bib," because the one from lunch had "rice on it." (Hello, Mr. Neat-n-tidy!) So I got out two new bibs, one yellow and one blue. I handed Cary the yellow one and was about to hand Dean the blue one, when Cary said, "No! Blue one! Blue bib. No yellow one!"

This is the first time he's shown a preference for one item of clothing over another one. I was shocked. Who knew he cared which color bib he wore?

This, my friends, is so much better than screaming incessantly without words. I simply handed him the blue bib instead of the yellow one, and all was quiet at the table. Oh, the wonders of communication!! I know parents of older kids lament the nonstop talkativeness that comes with age, but I can't wait! (Will this come back to bite me? I'm pretty sure it will.)

Here's a cute video of Dean, attempting to sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and you can actually hear a little bit of an actual tune!



5. I am failing miserably at the "get-Clair-on-an-eating-and-sleeping-schedule" attempt. Not only does she eat and sleep when she darn well feels like it, she also still sleeps in our bed! ACK!
Do you know how opposed to this I am? And how powerless I am to stop it?
The problem is that she will sleep in her crib, but only after she is REALLY REALLY asleep. That means I have to hold her for 20-30 minutes to make sure she's knocked out before putting her down. During the day, I can do it. But at night, while lying in my bed, eyes weighted down, back hurting etc., it's really hard to hold her that long without falling asleep myself. And when that happens -- usually long before 20-30 minutes has passed-- I just lie her down in the between us and try to steal a few winks, too.
And then, when she does go down in her crib, even during the day, she never sleeps as long. She tosses and turns and frets, or sometimes wakes fully and cries to be held. Again, during the day this is bearable, but at night, I am so darn sleepy that I just want her to sleeeeeeeep (please dear Lord, let her sleeeeeep) so I allow her to snooze in between Lester and me at night. And for about a week now, that has meant at least one 4-hour stretch of sleep per night, usually between 2 and 6 or 3 and 7. Do you know how good those four hours feel? Let's just say I'm happily sacrificing my ...er..."romantic" life, ahem, by having her in the bed with us, just so I can keep those lovely four hours of sleep. That should give you an idea.

6. The boys and I (and Michelle and Clair) have been doing good with the getting out and about, enjoying this early Spring. And I am so struck by how much more like boys my boys are, and how much less like babies. At the playground, they actually interact with other children. They run from play area to play area, climbing and exploring and sliding. They fall, get up, brush their hands on their shorts and keep playing. Their knees are dirty -- or skinned -- when we get home. They have that outdoor smell at the dinner table. I can't get over it.

7. Lester and I are doing much better, now that both of us are getting a smidge more sleep (those four hours, I'm telling you!) and also now that we have determined that we HAVE to take even just a few minutes at the end of the day to stop, touch, and be together, without phones or Facebook or newspapers or anything in between us (although sometimes Clair is with us, but that can't be helped). This is working wonders, folks, and I urge you all to try it. Take 15 minutes and just lie on the bed together (not in a ...er... "romantic" way, necessarily -- unless you both want to, in which case, hells, yes!!) and hold each other and chat, or doze or watch HGTV or the Real Housewives of Atlanta and just BE together. Hold hands, or intertwine legs, or just lie cheek-to-cheek. It really makes a difference. We honestly don't get to do this every day, with all that we have going on, but just the few times a week we've done it has lifted the tension and re-introduced intimacy and made things so much lighter and sweeter. I highly recommend it.

OK, Clair woke up, drank her bottle, I had lunch and washed her up, and now she's asleep again, so that's my cue for a NAP.

I promise to get to reading all my friends' blogs soon. I miss you guys!

St. Paddy's Day surprise: Matthew is here!

Clair's soon-to-be BFF Matthew was born yesterday, St. Patrick's Day. I told my sister he's her little good luck charm! Awwww.


(Yes, Matthew's sleeper says "Kiss Me, I'm Irish." That's his big brother, Russy. And Tahira will probably kill me for posting this photo of her. Oh well. I think she looks like a little swollen version of my Mom here. So the photo stays.)

Matthew is a total sweetie, with huge hands and feet, despite being 4 weeks early. He has the teeniest little cry, which cracks me up, especially since Clair's wail is piercing and has been since birth.



Looking at him -- all 6 lbs. 8 oz. of preciousness -- I can't get over how big Clair has gotten in just one month. It is really amazing how fast they grow and change.

See for yourself how much less of a newborn -- and more of an infant -- she looks now:

Welcome to the world, Clair's new bestie. Can't wait to hang out with you and watch you grow! Auntie loves you!!

Happy 1-month-old day, Baby Clair!

I intended to do a big, huge update on all things Davis related, using Clair's 1-month-old birthday (!!!!) as the occasion.

But Baby Clair is refusing to be put down, even though she's fairly well asleep, so I only have one hand to type. So, instead, I'll just post pictures, and I'll try again for a written update later.


Clair today, looking smiley and wavey and beautifully brown:



Me, Dean and Clair at the playground:



Cary:



Dean:



Clair:



Cary, being silly, as always:



Dean, being helpful, as usual:



And...on the occasion of Clair's 1-month-birthday, here is My Wish for her and her brothers, as they grow (this song makes me bawl like a baby):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q4JFBsmyiFc

If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands! (Clap! Clap!)

Today has been a really good day! I don't feel tired or sore or too overwhelmed. In fact, I feel downright joyful!

What brought on this new rush of happiness? Getting out of the house!

Over the winter, Michelle didn't take the boys nearly as many places as I would have liked during the week, mostly because it's hard to take two toddlers anywhere by yourself, especially if any one of the crucial factors in twin-outings is off (how they slept; if they're hungry; what kind of random mood they're in for who-knows-what-reason). And also because it was cold. I don't guess I blame her too much. But I really want my boys to get out and see the world.

So I was determined that as soon as I was able to move around comfortably, my maternity leave would be chock full of things for us to do inside -- and especially outside -- of this house.

Today was our first outing. We went to a favorite neighborhood coffee house and bookstore, for a morning sing-along.

It was the boys' first time, I'm ashamed to say, even though I know, and really like, the owner of the shop and Lester and I frequent this place all the time. (Homemade organic muffins to die for!)

They both loved it! Cary enjoyed wandering around playing with all the toys and books. Dean, as usual, couldn't get enough of the music. They both loved seeing all the children, just about their size. Dean was as helpful as ever, handing a little boy his fallen sippy cup, and putting toys back on the shelves after the music ended. Cary was as busy as ever, wandering from corner to corner, inspecting everything, and asking random people to tell him what things were.

I had a blast, laughing as Dean shimmied his hips and Cary did his stiff-man shuffle to all the songs they sing at home every day. It was great to be out with other mothers and kids, among the living! I didn't even cry (not even a little) when a mom with a 5-week-old in a baby carrier discreetly nursed throughout the sing-along.

I had my three sweeties with me, singing and playing and clapping (and in Clair's case, napping) and that was all that mattered!

Yay for kids' music to get you out of a funk! :-) Clap! Clap!

Here they are...having a great time (despite their solemn faces, I assure you):

Swimming to the surface, slowly

I am here. I am alive and happy, trying valiantly to swim my way up to the surface of this murky new life Lester and I have ushered in. I won't lie; it is hard work. It somehow seems harder than even the first few weeks of having twin newborn preemies.

Perhaps that's because the first two weeks of having the boys were spent in the NICU, which brought its own difficulties emotionally, but also -- interestingly enough -- in hindsight, offered many blessings:

• It gave me time to figure out the pumping and nursing thing, without the worry of whether or not I was starving my offspring;
• It kept me busy during the day, but allowed my body to heal and rest during full nights of sleep;
• And it provided an army of trained nurses and baby-care experts ready and willing to answer all our questions, give us helpful tips and get the babies on a sleeping and eating schedule that all we needed to do to keep it up was, simply, keep it up.

It's funny. I never thought of the NICU that way before, but now that I have had a healthy singleton and been sent home from the hospital, C-section pain and all, to figure a brand new person out all on my own, I'm seeing things a little differently.

It could also be that, as LauraC says, we were prepared for twins to be hard. How could twin newborns not be? But we (well, I, mostly) had been naive to think that one baby wouldn't be so hard. And people, meaning to be helpful, often reinforced that, telling us that we'd likely find having one baby -- after having twins -- to be a walk in the park. One person even said we'd probably be bored!

Or perhaps it is just that we have really forgotten how hard it really was to have twin newborns at home for the first few weeks. Perhaps the many months of charting the boys' growth and development, of watching them smile and learn and walk and laugh, have made misty the memories of sleepless nights and eating breakfast at lunch time and skipping showers and raging emotions and too many tears to count.

Who knows exactly why having just one this time around seems so difficult. Maybe it's a combination of all those things. Maybe it's just because having a new baby is hard at times, and that's just the way it is.

Whatever the reasons, it is better today than it was yesterday, and yesterday was better than the day before. That is encouraging. And besides that, I am here with the people I love most in the world. I am alive and healthy and blessed beyond measure. I am happy.

And because I have been through this before - double time - I know I will get to the surface of this. I will get there. I will.

--------------------------------------------------
Update on Clair:

1. I am pretty sure she has colic (Yay!) but we took her to the doctor today for a regular two-week appointment and he said we should try to regulate her eating a little bit more before making that diagnosis, getting her on an every three-hour schedule, instead of snacking all day (an ounce here; a half an ounce an hour later, etc.) and see if that helps her not feel so gassy and bloated at night. So we're trying that.

2. She slept in her crib today for three naps! Each nap she tolerated it less and less, but at least she saw the inside of her crib! And with any luck, she'll see even more of it from now on.

3. She's 8 lbs., 10 oz. now, which means she gained a pound in 10 days!

4. Trying to get her to drink her bottle on a schedule is going to be hard! When she wakes up hungry two HOURS before her next feeding -- like she did today -- it's torture to watch her cry and cry and cry. This of course leads to tears on my part and boy oh boy am I sick of the post-partum weepies!
Anyway, I know this has to be done, just like the slow transition to her own bed/bedroom. So, I just have to do it. Man up, Tanika!

5. She gets cuter and cuter every day. Especially since packing on the pound (ha-ha), which filled out some of the newborn wrinkles in her face. I can't stop kissing her face. Which also makes the feeding schedule hard, because every time I kiss her little cheeks, she thinks I'm food, and starts rooting. Awww. Poor thing.

6. Nursing is officially done. And I can't stop crying about it. I feel so many ways about my inability to nurse my baby and some of the feelings are in direct opposition to one another. Completely crazy, right? It's also hard because people keep asking me how it's going. And some people are quite opinionated about how I decided to handle things. But mostly I just hope that, if Clair reads this sometime in her future, she'll know that I wanted to nurse her. I wanted to give her the very best of everything, even from the start. And I couldn't or didn't, for many reasons, but I love her fiercely, and I'll work hard every day of my life to nourish her with my love.
(And Enfamil. :-) )

P.S. Ugh! These darn weepies! Man up, Tanika!! Ugh!