SCOTUS rulings roller-coaster

The hokey-pokey that the Supreme Court of the United States has done over the last two days is dizzying. 

One foot out for race-relations; one foot in for marriage equality. 

Although I am so, so happy for my gay friends who have fought so long for this -- and deserve it -- I can't help but wish SCOTUS would just put its "wholeself in" for true civil rights for all. 

That's what it's all about.

You put your gay citizens in; you put your black ones out...

I See a Queen

My sister found this picture on Instagram and sent it to me with the message, "This reminds me of Clair."

Self-perception is half the battle.

 I immediately fell in love with the photo. It says to me: Here is a little girl looking at herself, assessing, wondering, "Who am I?" And what she sees is Royalty. Specialness. A Queen.

I LOVE that! And I want it for Clair.

I assumed the art was a page in a beautifully-illustrated children's book. And I have been obsessed with finding this book, so I could read it to Clair, and so I could frame the page and put it on her wall.

Turns out it is not a book. (I found this out using Facebook. Again, I say that Facebook is awesome!) It is an oil painting by an artist, Frank Morrison. When I did a search for him, I was hoping he'd be some small-time talent, who would happily sell his creations to any gushing fan. But of course he would be somewhat famous...

From Frank Morrison's website:

Notable collections of Morrison’s art are owned by former New York City School Chancellor Rudy Crew, New Orleans Senator Gregory Tarver, renown actor/philanthropist Bill Cosby who prides himself on nurturing the talents of emerging African American artists, and Dr. Lorraine Hale among others. His work has enhanced the settings of televisions shows "Malcolm and Eddie", "New York Undercover", "Cosby" and has been a featured artist on the Home Shopping Network.

 

Morrison has received commissions from the irrepressible radio/TV commentator Tom Joyner, the Essence Music Festival in New Orleans, and executed serially mounted musical scenes for the compact discs "Impulsively Ellington: A Tribute to Duke Ellington. and Down-to-the-Bone’s "Crazy Vibes and Things". His artwork has been displayed in prestigious locales shows such as "The National Black Fine Arts Show" produced by Jocelyn Wainwright, at the Savacou Gallery in Manhattan, and was honored and given a one-man show at the Schomburg Center for Research in Black Culture sponsored by ESSENCE ART and Toyota.

He earnestly declares that he is rendered speechless with pride when he finds his work displayed adjacent to and in conjunction with Romare Bearden originals.

Romare Bearden?? Bill Cosby? Sheesh. I doubt I could even afford this charming and poignant painting, I See a Queen, but I went to the site anyway to scope it out.

Sadly, the website says it is "SOLD."

I emailed the site and asked about whether this means I really and truly can't buy it. But I haven't heard back yet.

In the meantime, I asked a family friend (a wonderful artist who used to date my brother) whether she thought she could do something similar. But now I'm having second thoughts about that. It seems unethical somehow -- asking an artist to essentially "copy" another artist's work.

I'll have to really think about it - and pray about it - before pulling the trigger on that one (that is, if she even agrees to do it).

So I don't know if Clair will ever see this piece hanging proudly in her room, reminding her how special and uncommon she is, and to value and protect her self-worth.

Which is why I'm putting it here on this site. At the very least, one day she'll read this and know that when I look at her (with her little arms akimbo, just like that!) I truly do see a Queen.

UPDATE: Mr. Morrison WILL commission that painting for me -- for $1,500!!
Well...back to the drawing board (pun intended).

Tanika's Diamonique Jubilee (the recap in photos)

I capped off a month-long celebration of my 40th birthday this weekend at a local bar/restaurant.
I called it my "Diamonique Jubilee." (Kinda like the Queen's Diamond Jubilee, but without the flotilla.)

I'm going to share a gazillion photos of the night (which was SOOO much fun), but really, there's only one photo you really need to see to know what kind of shindig this was.

And here it is:

Holla!

Yes, future teenaged Davis children who will likely be embarrassed by my every move, no matter how mundane: That is your mother at 40 years old, in a bar with her shades on, holding a bottle of premium tequila - LIKE A BOSS!

(I can't be sure if this was before or after the shots that your grandmother made me do. But who cares? Right? )

Now those of you who were unable to make it, seeing that photo right there, aren't you sad you missed my Jubilee?It's OK. I'll do it again in 10 years.

For posterity's sake, here's a photo album of my Diamonique Jubilee - at Wit & Wisdom, a bar at The Four Seasons.

Wes and his beautiful lady friend, Danielle. I met Wes when I was working at the KC Star. He came to visit a fellow Star reporter. We very much disliked one another at first. But I won him over with my charm and awesomeness. Although we talk infrequently these days (thank God for gchat!), he is still one of my very best friends.

Andre, me and Jill! How stylish and gorgeous are my former Sun friends? Andre is a photographer who took my favorite photo at my wedding of me and Lester jumping the broom and whooping for joy! And Jill is basically the love of my life.

Me and my Mom, selfie. Who looks like twins? Us? Nooo.

David and his wife Stephanie. I met David when at the KC Star, too. He was working at Hallmark at the time and we went to church together. He also threw the best house parties! We became instant friends and he remains my boy even today. Trivia point: I had just come back from David's wedding in Aruba (to Stephanie) the day (or two) before my first date with Lester!

Mari, Rashod and Stacey. (Mari is married to Antwyne, Lester's good college buddy, and she is now in my bookclub and my Unbalanced Mommies group and has become a very good friend. Rashod is "Uncle Dusty" to my boys and is also a very, very good friend. And everybody knows who Stacey is. She's my boo. And Hugo's mom!)

We had just been with Antwyne and Mari earlier that day at a toddler festival, with our kids. It was all turtles and pony rides and humidity, but somehow they still looked equally as stylish and cool as they do in this picture. I hate them! I love them!

My two best guys ever, Lester and Dad. Dad's drinking Coca-Cola. He is such a lightweight.

Juanita and her husband Ron. I've known Juanita since middle school. She's wonderful and hysterical and the organized person I turn to when I need to find out someone's contact information, or figure out the tip on a restaurant bill.

Liz Bowie and her husband Dan Fesperman. Liz still works at The Sun, but Dan left to write super-successful spy novels. Liz is my inspiration. Great writer, great mom, looks way younger than she is! I need her secrets. As one of the best education writers in the country, she also is the person who I can most honestly talk to about all my "how-will-I-properly-educate-my-kids" woes.

Callie and Stephanie. Callie is the woman who I met when the boys were babies at Mother Goose on the Loose at our local library. Then we met again at a festival in our neighborhood. Her daughter, Spirit, and the boys love each other, so Callie and I knew we just had to be friends!

Zac and Andrea. Andrea still works at The Sun, where we met. She's one of my most loyal and dependable friends. Also, she has great clothes. And we share a love of food (especially chocolate).

Callie and her husband Gary. At the boys' birthday party last month, Stephanie and Callie got to talking. Turns out they're in the same sorority. Also turns out that Gary and David are in the same fraternity! And that Callie's brother went to the same small HBCU that David did. Now Gary, David, Stephanie and Callie are becoming friends. I feel like a matchmaker!

Jill, Laurie and John-John. Jill and Laurie are two of my very closest friends and both used to work at The Sun. John-John is the fashion writer at The Sun, following in my footsteps. Except he's waaay more fashionable. Check out the brooch!

At one point during my time at The Sun, I sat in a "pod" with these two amazing people, Rashod and Stephanie. Rashod "Uncle Dusty" Ollison is now an award-winning pop music critic at the Virginian Pilot. Stephanie is someone I admire greatly. She's a writer, an artist, a loyal and wonderful friend and is going to India on a Fulbright this fall! She's also one of the reasons I'm at The Hatcher Group. She's married to my boss, Tom, and recommended me to him. Now Tom's my friend, too!

David, Ron and Gary - three cool-looking black dudes. And, as proof that I have the most "equity among friends" of anyone you know, see the next photo...

Alec, Dan and Tom (my boss and friend) -- three cool-looking white dudes.

Mom and Dad, the greatest parents ever. How many people wanna party with their parents? Seriously. I am blessed!

Lester, Zac and Antwyne. Hotness!

Brent and Monique. Brent used to be a sports writer at The Sun. Then he left to get a degree in psychology, got married to Monique who was working at the Boston Globe at the time, and moved her to Baltimore, where she is now a top sports editor at The Sun. Full circle! Also, Brent and Monique's wedding is where Lester and I got our groove back two Memorial Days ago -- causing us to make Clair a week later. (Is that TMI?) Whatever...Brent and I also are very good friends. For a dude, he gives surprisingly good advice.

Renee and her boo Jordan. I met Renee because she was the one who started our bookclub (of which I'm hosting this weekend!) She now, coincidentally, works at City Hall, in the Mayor's office, and keeps tabs on Lester for me. (Just kidding. Sorta.) She is an amazing seamstress (she made that dress!!!) and a very good friend. She hung window coverings in my house when I first moved in. Came with her own drill and everything. I hate her! I love her!

Andre and Kelly. (Andre is married to Kat, not pictured, and Kelly is married to Mark, home with their pre-schooler and infant.) Can you believe that hot girl had a baby like 10 seconds ago? I hate her! No, I love her! She's one of my very, very best friends. She also has the best hair! Check out that Dominican blowout. I hate her!

My mother forced me to do tequila shots out of wine glasses. No kidding. This is why I couldn't drive myself home (thanks Monique and Brent for saving me!) I was fine until my MOTHER peer-pressured me into doing shots. Only in my life does this happen.

Group shot! Skinny-arm pose!

Monique, Laurie (who drove from North Carolina to come to the Jubilee) and me and my thigh.

The Four Seasons (where the restaurant/bar was) sent me this cake! I took two bites and my Dad came and commandeered the plate and scarfed the rest. Like he always does.

Just for laughs -- and to mortify my future teenaged children even more -- here is what happens after many drinks and two shots of tequila: Yes, Cary, Dean and Clair -- that is your Nana, your Auntie Kelly and your mother doing a drunk version of the Instagram bathroom selfie!

You can be appalled if you want to, kids. This night was FUN!

LOL! ROFL. LMAO. Etc...

Platinum Jubilee in 10 years, y'all! Be there or be square!

Not your grandparents' chore list

My sister sent me this Q &A article today about a woman she thought would resonate with me for two reasons:

1. She had a unique story to tell and couldn't get an agent/publisher interested, so she started her own publishing company and did it herself! (You go, girl! I'm taking notes!)

2. Her story was about fatherhood, looking at it differently, based on her experience as a Mom of 2, and having her husband step up to the plate in a major, major way.

This author's experience got me to thinking about how much Lester does in and around the house, and for and with the kids. I started mentally listing the things he does, and then I started feeling self-conscious. Like, "Dang! What the heck do I do?" LOL.

When I actually thought hard about it, I am quite impressed by not only how well we divide the work in our family, but also how we defy a lot of gender norms -- Lester especially. This is not by design. We did not set out to be gender-neutral, necessarily (and in some cases, we're decidedly gender-norm-believers, like I ain't going in that alley with the rats, so I will NOT take the trash out. Sorry, feminist friends. I ain't doing it.) We just do what comes most naturally to either of us, or what we like to do (Lester loves grocery shopping; I like keeping the calendar, etc.) and it just works. Thank God.

Anyway, here's a look at how we do things in our house, broken out by partner:

Lester:

• Does all the laundry washing and folding
• Weekdays - gets the kids up, dressed and teeth brushed. Gets them their breakfast (cereal, mostly)
• Bathes the kids most nights/Brushes their teeth
• Does about 60-percent of the dishes
• Cleans out the refrigerator
• Takes out trash/recycling
• Changes our sheets
• Straightens our bedroom
• Mows the lawn/Handles yard work
• 8 times out of 10, mops and/or polishes the floors
• Handles all the finances - bill-paying, budget-making, taxes (Except I handle check-ins with the financial planner)
• Handles insurance matters
• Does all the grocery shopping and most of the Target, etc. shopping
• Handles almost all repair orders (calls plumber, exterminator, Comcast, etc.)
• Researches and plans most vacations
• Keeps track of car maintenance
• Reads to kids, plays with them 
• Is a softie when it comes to discipline
• Sets goals/rules for family

Tanika:

• Makes the grocery list/plans the meals
• Weekends - gets the kids dressed (they get themselves up) and teeth brushed
• Does all the cooking (except for some wonderful pancake breakfasts on some weekends)
• Does 40-percent of the dishes
• Bathes the kids when Lester's out at a meeting or the gym
• Changes the kids' sheets
• Straightens up the house
• Does the kids' hair (except that Lester cuts Dean's hair)
• Shops for/orders the kids' clothes/shoes
• Arranges doctor's/dentist appointments
• Handles retirement matters
• Handles almost all school-related stuff
• Researches and buy developmental stuff (toys/books/educational stuff)
• Picks out kids' clothes 
• 8 times out of 10, cleans the bathroom
• Plans and maintains ours and the kids' social calendars
• Buys gifts
• Reads to kids, plays with them (I do more singing and more "purposeful" play, I'd say, meaning I plan out what things we're going to play [because I'm TYPE A!] and Lester does more freestyling play.)
• Is stricter about discipline
• Sets goals/rules for family

As you can see, we do pretty well when it comes to fairly evenly dividing up the tasks that comprise running a household/maintaining a family. And we do it (mostly) without consternation or argument. Although as the chief laundry-doer, Lester probably would say my inability to put my clothes away after he's folded them is a major pet peeve. I do suck at putting my clothes away. Sorry, Les.

(Yet another reason why I need a new house, with a huge walk-in closet, where I can hide all my sins!)

Anyway, I look at this list and what it says about us --and the example it's setting for our kids -- and I am pretty proud of us. Yay for fair divisions of labor! Yay, us!

Note: I also look at this list and think:

Who does the real cleaning? (Miss Teresa, the once-a-month housekeeper. Sadly.)
Who the hell cleans out the oven? (No one.)

How do you guys divide up the work? Is it purposeful or accidental the way things fall in your house?

On having three children: Fewer crabcakes; more love

I have been really bad about blogging lately because I have been just that busy at work.

Hmmm. Truthfully, I am always busy at work, but some days I am more focused than others -- so I guess I should say it that way: I have been really bad about blogging lately because I have actually been focused.

I wish I could say that more often. Procrastination, why can't I quit you??

Anyway, I wanted to gloat a little and say that the crabcake at my neighborhood restaurant -- the one I wrote about a little bit ago -- just got named best in Baltimore. Whoo-hooo!

The fine print under the crabcake says "Crabcake from Koco's Pub shown actual size." Awww, yeah!

So now, as if hanging out with me and my crazies wasn't enough, you all have even more reason to come and visit!

I should also point out that it just dawned on me today, while emailing with Angel, that I have two pre-schoolers and a toddler. What the HELL was I thinking?!

This made me think (again) about the many articles/columns that have been going back and forth in the NYT and other places about the merits and the downsides of having a big family vs. having only one child.

Every single missive I've read on the topic has made me sad, particularly since I am also being bombarded daily with articles about how hard it is for minority children to succeed in this society - even the smart ones - and how bad the education system is and how kids of wealthier parents are like 10 million times more likely to be successful/happy/not-in-prison-or-on-a-stripper-pole, you name it.

So as I was reading Lauren Sandler and KJ Dell’Antonia as they went back and forth explaining their reasons for choosing the family size they have, I kept thinking: If I had one child, I could afford to move out of our sucky neighborhood, away from the trash and the loud corners and the neighbors teaching them to speak in Baltimore slang. If I had one child, I could send him/her to the absolute best school in the area -- even on our salaries. If I had one child, I wouldn't have to LITERALLY read two books at once every evening when I come home, because Clair demands to read one book but the boys want to read another. Every single night.

(Note: Do you know how hard it is to read two books aloud simultaneously? The stress of making sure each kid is getting read to, and feels attended to, is going to be the death of me, do you hear me?)

If I had one child, we could go to Koco's for crabcakes every night!!

If I had one child, if I had one child, if I had one child...

Of course this is a ridiculous and foolish and unwin-able game to play. If I only had one child, which child would it be? Who could ever choose between the three I've been given? Who would want to?

I had no way of knowing, for example, that I needed Clair so much as I do -- until she was here, sleeping in my arms in the hospital, the light over my bed shining on her perfect face. I thought I was complete with just Cary and Dean. I had no idea how incomplete I was.

Is it harder having more than one child? Yes, of course. And, honestly, I have no idea how we will properly educate them, completely safeguard them, prepare them fully - as individuals - for this world that is crueler to minority kids, crueler to the less-than-wealthy, and made, it seems, to cater to families of only children.

But I know one thing we will do: We will love them.

God knows we will love them.

And as I said to Angel this morning, the beauty of loving children is that adding more doesn't divide the love. It multiplies it.

Exponentially.

Father's Day Weekend: Fun and Family

Reading up about Father's Day on folks' blogs and columns etc., it strikes me that there are two distinct ways to celebrate this day-for-Dads.

One is to have a day -- similar to the one many Moms want to have on Mother's Day -- where it's all about celebrating and accommodating the Parent d'jour. Fathers don't want as much pampering, perhaps, but those who choose this kind of day want plenty of Dad-time - to golf, or fish or laze around and watch NBA finals.

The other way is to spend the time being extra-fatherly, if you will, spending time with the kids, doing things for the kids, being surrounded by family.

No way is better than the other, and actually, there's probably a hybrid of the two that works for some people, as well. But most folks seem to fall into one of those two main camps.

This was Lester's fourth Father's Day and each year he pretends that he wants to have the Father's Day free-for-all. He comes up with all these things he says he's going to do all day long "by.MY.self!" He threatens not to come home until long after the kids go to bed.
I am always just fine with that - it's his day, after all. But I also know him better than he knows himself.

Because every year, we do some version of this:
 

Playground fun.

Cherry picking at Baugher's Farm.

Head off as a family for Sunday brunch.

Watch Clair climb on EVERYTHING and give Mommy a heart attack. She is, hands down, my climbiest, most fearless child.

Pose for family photos.

Go hang out with my Dad at my Mom's house, get clothes soaked by Russy, eat Popsicles and all kinds of other junk and just spend time with family all day.

Like I said, either way of spending Mother's Day or Father's Day is fine by me. Lord knows, there will be plenty of Mommies' days that I plan to spend at the pedicurist.

I just thought I would let the record show that Lester does not know himself as well as he thinks he does.

Maybe on his birthday I'll convince him to go out and have time to himself.

-40-

I took off work for my birthday today. It's the first time in my adult life I did that.

Usually, I like to be at work, around friends and people who want to take me to lunch. :-)

Today, after having had three babies in two years, I just wanted to spend my birthday ... ALONE.

I took my time getting out of the house, I ran errands and talked to friends and family on the phone. I shopped, I ate lunch in the mall food court. I was the master of my own schedule.

I got the deluxe pedicure -- the one that takes even longer to finish and includes hot towels and a leg massage.
It was absolutely lovely. Best start to a new year in a long time!

Happy 40th birthday to me!

I'm looking forward to what this year will bring.

P.S. Lester gave me beautiful earrings and had the boys draw cards, which they gave to me this morning while I was still in bed. Dean proudly wrote a "D" on his card for me, and Cary drew me a rocket. I have the best boys -- all three of them.

Play day

The Gilman School is a fancy-schmancy private school for boys here in Baltimore.

We'll likely never be able to afford to send even 1/4 of a kid there. But that's OK, because their awesome, awesome playground is open to the public.

At least we think it is. Hmmm ... Errr ... It was open for us yesterday. How 'bout that?