Three things

Three things happened this weekend that made me stop and take note.

The first one is that we decided to keep Clair home from church on Sunday because she has a troublesome cough and a runny nose. The weather was super crappy -- cold, sideways rain, ridiculous winds. It seemed better to keep her home in her jammies. But I really wanted to go to church, so Lester agreed to stay home with Clair, and the boys and I braved the wind and rain and went.
When I got to the screen where you sign up the kids for Children's Church, I noticed that in parentheses next to our kids' names, it says "expected." Some of the other names say "guest" and others don't have a label. So I took from that that the church expects us to be there on Sundays.
This made me feel really good, for some reason. We're expected to be there. We'd be missed if we weren't. This is how I know this is the right church for us. At other points in my life, that one word, expected, might have made me feel pressure. But the church is so welcoming and warm, instead I felt good -- like a part of the family.

It's a really nice feeling.

Secondly, at tumbling class on Saturday, Clair didn't screech like a dying cat when another child entered into her play space. And at a birthday party for a friend's 1-year-old, she actually TALKED to a 3-year-old girl who was near her. She spoke to her, people. Willingly! The girl had a magenta party hat, and Clair's hat had rainbow stripes. Clair looked at the girl and said, "Das yours? Das your hat?" The little girl, Gabriella, said, yes. And then Clair said, "What color yours?"

Hellooooo, do you see what just happened there? She expressed interest in another human being, and initiated -- INITIATED -- a conversation!

I almost fell over. My child might not be a total misanthrope her whole life.

This face fools people all the time. She is really not that friendly.

Lastly, Dean seems to have grown 100 inches over the last few months. And his bossy (yes, I said "bossy!") caretaker, I-can-do-it personality has only intensified.

Birth order notwithstanding, it is so clear who the Big Brother is in our family. 

Maine!

It was cold as the dickens, but I loved Maine!

Can you tell?

Me vs. the lobster. Guess what? I won.

Does the LL stand for LOVE LOBSTER? If so, this is my kinda place!

Not shown in this picture: A platter of steamers and a bowl of mussels bathing in garlic-wine. OMG.

Colossal lobstah roll that almost made me cry. The buttery bread. The sweet meat. Can I live in Maine and commute to work in Baltimore every day? Seriously, I will do that ish!

The best part was when I got back and all the kids were so excited to see me.

Cary kept doing a little happy dance and saying in his little cartoon voice, "Mommy, I missed you!"

Clair said, "I couldn't FINE you!" in an adorably admonishing way.

And Dean peppered me with 10,000 questions the whole way home and asked if he could hold my hand going up the stairs (this, coming from Mr. Independent, is a BIG deal.)

Finally, Cary told me, "Mommy, don't go on any more field trips any more!"

I hadn't realized how much I missed them until I saw their little faces and hugged them close.

So, no more field trips for me for awhile folks -- even for all the lobster rolls in Maine.

Switching schools

OK folks, so it has now been two full weeks since my last post. That is the longest I have gone without blogging since I began this venture (other than when I was newly home from the hospital with Clair and not sure what time of day it was or if I was going to throw myself off the roof of my house.)

I'm leaving for Portland, Maine tonight with my two big bosses for client meetings, so I am really just waiting to head to the airport, which means I have a few minutes of "down" time and can actually blog! Now is as good a time as any, I suppose, to get out the post I've been trying to write about why we're switching the boys to a new school.

There are soooo many reasons, the two biggest ones being: Our family experiences, and racism in America.

 I'll just start with one reason here -- our family experiences -- and get to racism -- a huge and hairy post - another time.

Here goes.

Lester and I are both fans of and products of public schools. I covered public schools as an education reporter for years. My mother and sister are public school employees. I sit on the board of a public charter school. But in Baltimore, the public schools are CRAP. Crap with a capital horrible. There are a few schools that are OK, but you have to live in those zoned areas to go to them. And as you can tell from my many rantings about how much I want to get out of our neighborhood, we don't live in those zones. The charters are another option, but there's a lottery, so no guarantee, and also most are still fairly newish. So their track records are still gelling. Our options, then, are to move or go private.

Moving would make the most sense, honestly. We'd get out of our neighborhood into a better one, with a yard and neighbors our kids could grow up with. And, ostensibly, the schools in the neighborhood we moved to would be much better. But we're in no position to move right now, because of the darn housing market crash. Our house is a million thousand dollars under water. We couldn't sell this house without taking a huge loss. We don't expect that to change anytime soon, so when we do move, we'll be renting, I think. That's another story altogether.

But the biggest reason we chose private has to do with our family situations. Lester and I both come from families where we have witnessed firsthand the damage that can be done when kids are sucked into a peer group that is going nowhere fast. Of my four siblings, only one went to college. The others, to put it bluntly, are drains on my parents, even though all are adults with children of their own. With two educated, loving, present parents in their lives -- they still fell victim to the mediocre public school education in our going-downhill neighborhood. They were more concerned about being "cool" than preparing for the future. Our parents were (and are still) wonderful, but they have no network. So when the time came for my siblings to outgrow their immaturity and make up for lost time, their windows had closed and my parents had no friends in solid places to help them. I believe my parents will go to their graves taking care of my grown siblings. And my siblings' kids will repeat this cycle. It is a hard, hard thing to say this. I love my siblings dearly. I would do almost anything for them, and their kids especially. But the truth is, bad neighborhood + mediocre education equals not much of a life for any of them. (Aside from my baby sister, who is doing quite well.)

I don't want that for my kids.

In Lester's case, his family has even fewer examples of "success." But the one who stands out most is his cousin Joshua, who was like a brother to him. I remember how proud Lester was the day we dropped Joshua off at college in West Virginia (notice it was me and Lester), after spending hours and hundreds buying him a foot locker, a refrigerator, shower shoes and tons of packs of Ramen noodles.

Lester thought Joshua had beat the odds. With Lester's love and attention and sacrifice, Joshua had made it to college. But the pull of the old neighborhood -- and his old friends -- was too much for Joshua. Over a break in his freshman year, while hanging out in a city basketball park, Joshua was shot in the back of the head and died.

The neighborhood and the peer group were, quite literally, the death of that promising young man.

We have not really gotten over it. We likely never will.

Lester and I are not naive enough to believe that we can protect our children from making bad choices or being attracted to the wrong people. And we're certainly not naive enough to believe that private schools aren't FULL of some of the "wrong" people. But we hope that we can try to make a difference somehow by sending them to this very sweet Quaker school -- with its emphasis on peace, and community.

We hope we can protect them even just a little bit more than we could if we sent them to the city's public schools.

There's more -- but I have to run! Gotta go to the airport!

Working, playing, leaving a legacy

I got to hang out with my favorite girl this weekend, Miss Super Spunky Drives Me Crazy Cracks Me Up and Makes My Heart Soar girl.

(Sidenote: My parents visited on Sunday and at one point Dad says to me, "You are so enamored with Clair," which is the second time someone has said that to me. [The other was my mother, come to think of it, when Clair was a tiny infant.] Is it that obvious how much I adore this girl? Do I need an intervention?)

We went to her tumbling class and then to the mall to buy a gift for a friend of mine who recently got married.

She loves this ball pit o' germs.

Introducing her to food court Asian food!

While we were out spending Mommy-Clairzee time, Lester and the boys went to learn about "flying things" at Science Alive at Masonville Cove.

Dean, wearing the wings he and Lester made, and looking like a young Sidney Poitier, who, by the way, is one of Lester's favorite actors!

Our friends Antwyne and Mari unexpectedly brought their son Antony too! So the boys had a friend to hang out with, which makes me so happy. The more friends they see having fun with science, the more likely they are to think that science is cool, right? (Or so I tell myself.)

Antony and Dean bird-watching.

Checking out a bird's nest. Mari tells me the boys were none-too-pleased that the bird wasn't considerate enough to be home while they were shaking that tree.

And on Monday, I had a day off from work because Michelle was off. So after picking the boys up from school, we all went to a playground and to lunch!

Abby and Maya came with us!

She wanted to be gently pushed without stopping, to the point where she was ever-so-slightly falling asleep in the swing. LOL.

All this great time spent with my littlest loved ones made me think that being a SAHM mom wouldn't actually be so bad, IF we could afford it. The boys are 10,000 times less crazy than they were even a year ago at this time, when I would have stabbed you in the eyes with Bobby pins if you even suggested the idea of me staying home with the children. My Monday off with them moved so smoothly -- from drop-off to pick-up to bedtime dance party, rockin' out to the Jackson 5.

I was so much more relaxed and present all day. I think that was the nicest thing -- being actually present with them, instead of running on fumes and frustration.

Being at home would also be nice, because it would be good to get to do the things *I* want to do with the children during the day, instead of hoping Michelle will do them (which, most of the time, she doesn't.)

And it would be lovely to get to spend more than two hours a day with the children I actually prayed for.

But we are committed to sending our children to private school, for many reasons (which I promise I will get to in a dedicated blog post soonest), and to giving them a life of experiences that we believe will enrich them and improve their futures. And, while we are far from wealthy, we also hope that we can do more for them financially than our parents ever could, in terms of helping them pay for school, or buy a first home. By doing so, we hope the kids as adults will be in even better positions than we are, so that their kids will be even better off coming out of the starting gate. We want to leave a legacy that maybe our grandchildren will realize -- something that happens far too infrequently in the black community, sad to say it.

So that means Momma Gotsta Go To Work. (Cue Vanessa Williams' "Work to Do.")

So I'll cram a lot of fun and Mommy-and-me time into weekends and post-work-hours during the week, and trust that a little dance partying goes a long way.

Have you all given up on me?

I have become such a slacker blogger. I hate it!

Most of it is that my job has sorta doubled down on how we spend our billable hours, so every minute I spend blogging is a minute I have to spend when the kids go to bed, working on something for a client -- or else my hours for the month might suffer. And I can't switch it up and blog at night because it's not "essential" so I'll just fall asleep.

But it's also that the kids are doing lots of wonderful, fun, adorable, maddening things -- but nothing really new or Earth-shattering, so I feel like a 10,000th blog post on where we went this weekend is probably a little boring.  I have things I think about, but nothing is very deep. Does this blog have to be deep? I'm not really sure. I guess I'm not sure what it should be -- maybe that's the problem?

Anyway, I am determined to keep it going, though, because I really do love it and I want the kids to have this when they're older. Also, it's a cheap and easy way to keep up some semblance of writing for pleasure, which any writer worth his or her salt will tell you is crucial for honing one's craft.

So even though this is more of the same all over again, here's a brief recap of what's been going on in our world over the last few weeks.

We took the kids to a Science Night at their school, and it was a huge hit. The Maryland Science Center came and set up stations around the room, with things appropriate for pre-K kids, such as making rudimentary electricity and building a Three Little Pigs house, then trying to blow it down.

Making electricity. This made Dean so happy.

Building a house our of Lincoln logs and Popsicle sticks, with a classmate (and trying to keep Clair from destroying it.)

Huff and puff and blooooow the house down.

The funniest thing about this night is that Clair actually verbalized that which we have known to be true about her for some time. When we were walking around with her, talking to other parents, she got increasingly annoyed, telling me "Mommy, GO! Mommy, walk!!" And when I asked her what her darn problem was, she put her head into my shoulder and said, "I no like PEEPLE."

She also told me she was "angry" because I kept talking to people. Sigh. How can a child have so much personality and be so anti-social? I don't get it.

We also took the kids to a conservatory and botanical gardens, with their friends Abby and Maya (and their parents). The kids somewhat enjoyed the very interesting plants and flowers, but mostly wanted to feed the ginormous goldfish they have swimming in a beautiful pool.

Biggest goldfish ever - from all the kids feeding them all day long!

Clair, Abby, Cary, Dean and Maya

My girl Jill turned 45 and I went to her birthday brunch at a deeelish restaurant in D.C. Jill is a real fashion and style maven around town, so among her brunch guests was Michelle Obama's make-up artist, and also the First Lady's hair stylist. Of course, I had my hair in a messy bun because kids and thinning hair.
Oh well. The good news is, Johnny, Mrs. O's hair stylist, told me (after I begged him to give me hair advice), "I love your little bun. If I was a woman, I'd wear my hair in a topknot like that every day." So ... ummm...WINNING.

Love this girl - and her amazing haircut. Should I go short?? Decisions, decisions.

 This post came out in the New York Times and was DEAD ON.

From the article: "The modern 40s are so busy it’s hard to assess them. Researchers describe the new “rush hour of life,” when career and child-rearing peaks collide. Today’s 40ish professionals are the DITT generation: double income, toddler twins."

(P.S. I'm a "DITT." Who knew?)

I sent the link to my girls from the NOLA trip, so it can inform our book idea -- which. by the way, is in the works! We had one conference call and have homework to do to get potential topics for our individual chapters to the group by the end of this week. I'm awake some nights thinking about what my topics might be. But it's the best kind of insomnia. I'm so excited about this project!
 
Clair has hit the terrible twos with a vengeance. She is defiant and willful; she screams EVERYTHING. She fights with her brothers constantly. She thinks she can do everything "SELF!" except that she wants to be carried everywhere and, all of a sudden, she refuses to eat her meals unless she's sitting in my or Lester's lap. Sharing is an absolute no-no. She wants her "OWN!!!" And she has reached that stage where she is gold-medaling in irrationality. One night, we had an epic battle of wills, because she insisted that all she wanted to eat was pasta when there was none made, but there was elbow macaroni in homemade veggie soup. Nothing I tried would convince her to eat that soup -- and the crying and screaming "I want pasta! Noooo not that pasta. I'm talking 'bout PASTA" went on for so long that even Dean (usually a Clair apologist) sighed heavily and said, "Mommy, this is so annoying!"

In it all, I have to remember to keep my sense of humor, or else, seriously, I would be a thousand pounds from all the stress-eating (still doing Sugar-Free though, more or less, so yay for that!)

She would not eat until I found this book. Or stop crying. I hate this book.

So on this night, for example, when she cried for over an HOUR while I tore up the house trying to locate this book that she wanted, I posted to Facebook that I had been literally "Finding Nemo" for half my night. Get it? Finding Nemo? No? I guess you had to be there. Scratch that. Be so, so glad you weren't.
 
But she is also hilarious and talkative and says the absolute cutest things. And when she wants to be, she is the world's sweetest baby girl. I can't wait to see how her little (big) personality shapes up after toddlerhood turns into little girl. I just know there will never be a dull moment with this one.

We're trying to figure out the summer camp situation (so frustrating!) and we have not yet taken away Clair's pacifier at night, even though we were supposed to do that when she turned 2. #fail

And lastly, Lester and I have decided to send Cary and Dean to a new school in the fall. 

They went to a little festival at the new school and came back as superheroes. Clair lost her ish when she saw them all painted, and we had to wash their crime-fighting disguises off with the quickness.

This is a really big deal and I have A LOT to say about it, so I'll have to save it for another blog post -- when I have time to get it all down. But the long and short of it is, we love the school where they are now and have no issues. And the new school will cost us a jillion dollars more, and be more inconvenient in terms of location and days off, etc. So why are we doing it?

You'll have to wait for the blog post to hear the whole sob story. I wish we could all talk about it over dinner and drinks. When are we getting together, friends? Call me, maybe?