Morning person, I am not

Have I ever shared with you just how much of a morning person I am not?

No?

Allow me to list the things I like to do less than wake up early:

• Watch horror movies
• Run/jog
• Deprive myself of chocolate
• Clean up vomit
• Litter
• Pick the shredded cheese out of a salad when I clearly told the server, "No cheese, please."

OK. There are probably many other things, like "watch one of my kids be sick and not be able to help," and "hurt people's feelings," but those kinds of things are givens.

Anyway, it is with that context that I confess: I did not get up this morning to get on the treadmill.

The kids were off from school for some reason, so we didn't have to get up to get them ready, and I decided to take advantage of the extra few minutes of quiet, warmth and comfy-ness. I can't even say I overslept. I was semi-awake but made a conscious decision to snooze. I made it exactly one day.  I suck at follow-through, yo. Especially at 6 a.m..

But OK - I am determined to do something to make up for it.

I just finished my lunch (a salad with tuna, and a very small cup of tomato soup. Not a French fry or a brownie in sight) and now I am going to go for a little walk around our building. It's not the same as power-walking on the treadmill, with my heart rate pumping. But it's something.

(Hmmm. Maybe I'll stop at the gas station on the corner and buy a pack of peanut chews. No! NO! Nooooooo!)

Change is good

The boys start school a week from today.

To prepare, I wrote out a new schedule for the family that has me and Lester getting up at 6 a.m., and going to bed at 10 p.m. In between those hours, it is go, go, go, go go.

It is a very ambitious schedule that requires us to be on. the. ball. at all times, and leaves little room for spontaneity or screwing up or slacking off. In other words, I am sure I am setting us up for failure.

But we shall see. We're going to dry-run the schedule this week and see how it goes. Lester wants to start tomorrow, but we were at my Mom's all weekend, which means we did no grocery shopping/cooking or laundry, which means I have to cook tonight, which means I am already behind the 8-ball schedule-wise. So I think I will propose we start Wednesday. Or Thursday would be even better. Friday? Do I hear Friday?

Honestly (as you might sense), I don't really want to start at all. Mostly because I am NOT an early morning person, and I think I never will be.  I am sluggish and sloppy in the mornings, and not my best self. Also, I just fundamentally do not like change. I have realized this over time. I like things the way they are, because I understand them the way they are. I have a little bit of latent anxiety about certain changes in life, and this transition is proving to be one of those ones that is making me a bit crazy.

What if waking up earlier makes me highly unhappy?
What if waking the boys up earlier makes THEM higly unhappy?
What if the boys hate school?
What if the boys hate US?
What if Michelle has trouble getting things done now that she has to leave the house every day -- with Clair -- to pick the boys up from school? What if that makes HER highly unhappy?
What if this pre-school stuff just disrupts everything?

These are the kinds of hyperbolic things I think about when I'm fretting about the change on its way. I can see intellectually that I am making mountains out of molehills. But emotionally, I can't stop myself. Hi, I'm Insane. Nice to meet you!

Anyway, I am also -- in turns -- excited about this new chapter in our lives. The boys will love school and their new teacher and friends, I know. And a month or so into this new schedule, it will seem as familiar as the one we live by now.  C & D will learn so many new things, and Clair will benefit from at least a few hours every day of one-on-one time with Michelle, which will be very good for her, too.

It'll all be wonderful in the end, I know.  Even if I'm a thousand times sleepier -- and I have to be a hundred thousand times more organized, it'll all be fine. There's coffee at the office. And Google docs.

Change is good, I keep telling myself. Change is good. Change is good.