As most parents know, evenings are often the hardest time. In addition to kids having had enough of the all-day-long-ness of the day, they're hungry, tired, (if you're working parents) they've missed you and act the fool when you get home, etc. Add to that the fact that there are things that need to be done: dinner, dishes, bathtime, bedtime, etc. and you have a recipe for defiance and meltdowns.
We'd gotten to a place where the evening routine was pretty uneventful, but then we had a third baby. And that just blew the routine to pieces. Clair needs feeding just when it's time to get dinner on the table for the boys. And she's really tired and really irritable and wants to be held just when the boys have had quite enough of dinner.
That means I only have one hand (at best) to stop the cranky twins from tossing food over the sides of their trays, pouring their milk out into their plates, putting food in their hair, you name it. There's an inordinate amount of whining and obstinance, and getting up the stairs for bathtime takes twice as long as it should.
Once up the stairs, Clair refuses to be put down during the boys bath/pajamas/storytime, etc. so it's almost impossible to do that whole song-and-dance without a second adult to help. The few times either of us have done the post-dinner bath/pajamas/story etc. alone have all ended with Clair screaming bloody murder in her crib. Once, she even threw up, she was screaming so much.
So Wednesday night, I decided things had to be done differently. In short, I knew I had to PREPARE, ANTICIPATE, DEVIATE and BE FIRM.
I came home 20 minutes early from work, so that I'd have a few minutes before Michelle left for the day to prepare. PREPARATION is key, I am learning (the hard way). There's almost no substitute for it.
I put the boys' dinner together and put it in the microwave, filled their cups with water, set the table with their plates and utensils. I brought their pajamas and night diapers downstairs, and laid out on my bed Clair's pajamas and diaper for after her bath. This way, when it was time for dinner, all I had to do was push the start button on the microwave and scoop the food on their plates. And I could do that with Clair in my arms (thus, no crying). We played and read books and at 6:30 sharp, I started the dinner process.
While the boys ate, I sat in the dining room with them, and fed Clair the last of her 4 p.m. bottle. And instead of lingering at the table after dinner, like we often do, I ANTICIPATED the boys' mood-shifts. So as soon as the eating started waning and the shenanigans started picking up, I quickly moved the boys' dinner plates and cups, preventing any over-the-top craziness.
Because Clair had been fed and held, she was in a good mood. So after dinner, I let her play on her activity mat, while the boys jumped around and got their sillies out, and I quickly washed up their dishes, wiped the table, trays and counters, swept the floor and straightened up.
By this time (about 7:15), Clair was running out of patience with Tummy Time. So I put her in her swing while I sat on the floor in the living room and got the boys dressed for the night.
Notice one key thing: no bath.
With three kids, usually a schedule is a lifesaver. With three kids, two of whom are twins and one of whom is an infant, the schedule often is King. But I had to face facts. Right now, while Clair's so young and still needs a lot of TLC in the evenings, there's no way to easily bathe the boys and keep her happy -- when by yourself. So I decided to DEVIATE from the routine and skip bathtime. After all, these kids are playing in the house most of the day. Let's be real: They ain't that dirty.
In her swing, Clair cooed herself into a little snooze, which I'd normally freak out about because she is supposed to go to bed for the night at 8:30. But I needed this deviation to have time to deal with sleepy, wriggly, giggly boys who think it's fun to run from you, naked, and throw their pajama bottoms over the baby gate. I woke her up right after brushing the boys' teeth, so she got about a 20-minute power nap. And it actually made her quite pleasant.
In their beds (finally at 7:45), I read a story while the boys jumped around in their cribs and Clair laughed hysterically at them (she literally shrieks with laughter at their antics). Then I GOT FIRM with the boys and told them that Daddy wasn't home and Mommy was alone and had to give Clair a bath and give her a bottle and get her to bed, too. There was no one who was going to be able to come back in their room a thousand times. Whatever it was they needed, say it now, or go without. Blanket on? Blanket off? Monkey? Puppy? Get your kisses now, kids, 'cause I AIN'T coming back.
At 8:05, I bathed Clair, gave her her bottle, went back into the boys' room twice (raised my voice the final time and all went silent), held her while she sucked on her pacifier, and put her down in her bed, knocked out and peaceful, at 8:45.
The kitchen was clean. The kids were asleep. Lester came home and brought me back a chocolate dessert from his event (oh yeah!!) and everything was just dandy!
Hands down, one of the best nights alone with all three kids since Clair was born.
I know they won't always be this smooth, but I think I've learned some lessons that will help us all on nights of solo-parenting. So at the very least, we have some tools to use -- at least for as long as Clair will curl up in a little ball and sleep sweetly in her baby swing.
After that? Who knows.
