Baffling toddler questions - a quiz

1. Why is it that the boys repeatedly do all sorts of things Lester and I tell them (multiple times daily) not to do (like push buttons on the Blu-Ray player, play with our iPod and iPhones, pull out plugs, open drawers and cabinets, etc.) -- but when I put them in time-out and say "Now, you must sit still until Mommy says you can get up," they sit there and don't move until Mommy says they can?? If they know to sit still in time-out, they know to listen, right?

2. Why is it that the boys almost never fight over books, trucks or puzzles, but will try to kill each other over toothbrushes, the little cardboard hanger-cover-things that come on dry-cleaner's hangers, plastic baggie clips and other random, inexplicable things?

3. Why is it that Dean has started refusing food, especially at dinnertime -- even some of his favorite dishes -- but if I offer him cottage cheese and fruit, or yogurt, he will devour it and then say, "more pees!" while frantically making the sign for "more" as if he was STARVING?

4. Why is it that the boys and I had a perfectly lovely day on Sunday, hanging out and eating at restaurants and enjoying the day, but when Lester tried to do the same yesterday (he had a day off), he reported back that there were tears, tantrums and general craziness the entire time; and the day was a "disaster? Are toddlers bi-polar?

5. Why do they act like getting their diapers changed is an unnatural crime against humanity?

6. Why is Dean still missing his back teeth? ALL of them? How does he eat orange peels without back teeth? WHY does he eat orange peels?

7. Why do the boys pretend to talk on the phone to my sisters, but when they're actually with my sisters, they refuse to go to them?

8. When will Cary learn to turn books right-side-up? When will Cary learn -- for certain -- that he is, in fact, Cary?

9. When does the screaming and crying about everything end? When? When?! WHEN?!

10. How can the boys listen to "The Ants Go Marching" on repeat 100,000 times in a row and not want to throw themselves off the top of a tall building into burning lava?

Bonus: How is it possible that toddlers are the most inscrutable creatures on the face of the Earth -- and also the most adorable, hysterical and lovable?