I was listening to an afternoon call-in radio program about parenting today.
http://www.wypr.org/stationprogram/midday-dan-rodricks
The premise was that there's a new trend in parenting toward complaining about it in public. The show referenced books like "Go the F--- to Sleep," and new TV shows like, "I Hate My Teenaged Daughter." It also talked about all the Mommy blogs where mothers admit to not liking their kids from time to time and to not enjoying all aspects of parenting or to missing parts of their old lives.
"Is parenting today harder than it was in previous generations?" the radio host asked. "Or are today's parents just whiners?"
That made me think a little bit.
This holiday, I snapped at my Mom -- during a particularly cranky stretch of the Cary and Dean show -- that when Curve Ball is born, by golly, people are going to have to come visit US! All this traveling an hour up and an hour back, skipping naps, dragging babies around?? Not fair! If people want to see us, they will need to come see us! Waaaah-waaaah! And WAAAAH!
And my Mom said, without looking up from whatever it was she was doing, "We took you kids everywhere when you were little -- all five of you. And it was no problem."
I'm sure I had a brilliant retort. But now I'm wondering if what Dan Rodricks asked on his show is true? Am I a whiner? Or is my mother having a bit of grandparent-earned revisionist history?
She had to have SOME problems carting five kids around, first in a Toyota hatchback, and then, finally -- when economic times improved -- a big burgundy Ford Aerostar with license plates that read, "4RFAMLY." Right?
I didn't even take my two to the grocery store until just a couple weeks ago! Am I a whiner and a wimp??
She and my Dad also say that me and my siblings NEVER had fall-out-on-the-floor screamfests while out in public. Never. Unh-unh.
"You all KNEW BETTER," Mom says.
Can this possibly be true? Five kids and not ONE public tantrum? Parenting was a piece of cake in the 70s and 80s? But now it's so hard I have to read books and start a blog and whine, whine whine about it???
If I'm honest, when I look back on some of my blog posts, they do seem to have a strong whiny streak. Yes, there's a lot of joy and a lot of pride and a lot of truth-telling (which I'm proud of) but when does truth-telling cross over into Whinyville?
I read an NYT article a while back about a guy making waves by telling people to "have more children." His theory is that raising kids is easier than we make it out to be, if only we were to relax a little bit, have fun with the kids, pick our battles, quit worrying so much about the latest studies and theories, or sugary cereals, or TV watching or pre-school picking. Kids are a big responsibility, he agreed, but they're not supposed to equal so much work and stress. We adults bring that all on ourselves.
"Do you think your grandmother sat on the floor for 5 hours a day playing with your Mom?" he asked, in one of his books (I'm paraphrasing) "No. She had things to do and she did them, and she didn't worry about whether your Mom would be scarred for life or not say 20 words by age 15.2 months or get into the right college or any of those things. And guess what? Your Mom turned out fine."
So why DO we (and by "we," I mean "I") stress out so much about stuff?
Why does it bother me that my kids are cranky and unhappy because they missed their naps? Why can't I just say, "Oh, they're fine. It's just a missed nap, fer crying out loud."
Why do I read so many damn books?
Why don't my kids "know better" than to scream when they want something?
WHY IS THIS SO HARD?
Or is it??
Is all the stressing out taking away somehow from the enjoyment I should be having in child-rearing?
I mean, I enjoy it plenty. I really, really do. (No kidding! I love being Cary and Dean's Mommy.) But could I be enjoying it more if I could zen out some?
This has definitely given me something to think about.
(But...I won't think TOO much because that would be dangerously close to worrying about it, and that would just be getting me nowhere! LOL!)
I'll let you know if I come up with something profound.
5 comments:
And my mom says I was the harder one to potty train and I was by 19 or 20 months. Seriously? What the heck?
I also frequently wonder how it seemed they could do more with similar levels of income. We have two pretty nice salaries, and we definitely couldn't afford a full-time maid and my parents did with just one (only full time when we were little)
Maybe having five of them would simplify things. I do like that both of mine have always had the ability to sit by themselves and play. Chiron now is at the stage where I just sitting him down on the floor with some random object while I say unload and load the dishwasher and he does great wtih that.
Do let us know if you figure it out!
Is this is?
http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/04/12/an-economists-argument-for-more-children/
Just found another: http://economix.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/04/07/the-case-for-having-more-kids/
Interesting. Now I think I'll at least download the Kindle sample ;-)
Seriously! I have so much I want to say about this subject, but I have to work now. Boo. But thanks for posting this. SO much to think about. We need to get together soon so we can chat--sans kids! LOL
Yes, Beth -- let's talk about this! Sans kids sounds lovely!
And Elizabeth, yes, those are the articles I read. Aren't they thought-provoking? A little Pollyanna, maybe, but certainly thought-provoking.
P.S. SO jealous of your sit-down-and-play-by-themselves boys. I WISH.
Ditto Beth's comment, so much to say, but no time. And also, I wish I could hang out with you two in person :)
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