Lester and I are having a ...disagreement...(ahem)....about potty training.
We had all three of us (Michelle, too) sorta given up on working the potty into the daily
routine, because once Dean saw what happens when he sat on it (i.e.
pieces of his insides came OUT!) he flat out refused to sit on it
anymore. And Cary pretty much followed suit.
But we still
talked about the potty; every time we changed them, we would say,
"Hmmm. You pee-peed (or poo-pooed) in your diaper. Does pee-pee go in
your diaper? Nooooo. Where does pee-pee go? (They'd say, excitedly, "In
the potty!!!) That's right! Pee-pee goes in the potty or in the toilet.
Not in your diaper. OK? So when you feel like you have to go pee-pee,
you tell an adult and we'll help you put the pee-pee in the potty. OK?"
Every time, we did this. Nothing ever changed. But we did it, anyway.
But here lately, Cary has been asking - no, whining incessantly -
to go to the potty, coincidentally just when we've put him to bed,
either for naps or for the night. One time, when I was home alone, I put
him on the potty because he was near tears, whining that he had to go
poo-poo, right this second. But even after sitting him on the potty for the duration of
two long books (which also meant I had to get a furious Dean out of
bed, too, to sit with him), nothing happened. Not one thing. It took a
full half-hour to get them back up the stairs and in the bed. And Lester
swore I was being played.
"How'd you let the 2-year-olds play you like that?" he asked me, repeatedly. He found this hilarious.
Since then, whenever Cary cries that he has to pee or poop and
wants to sit on the potty, Lester refuses to let him out of the crib. He
tells him, "Just pee in your diaper." He believes the 2-year-old merely
wants to extend his bedtime or naptime. And Lester won't be played! No, sir!
But I think this is highly counter-productive. Cary may or may
not actually have to go to the potty. But if he says he has to, I think
we have to put him on it. Each and every time he says it. Even if it's
at bedtime or naptime or if it's inconvenient or whatever. Otherwise,
what message are we sending?
And also, I don't think he's being manipulative. I think he really does
feel the urge to pee or poop when he says he does, and that by the time
he gets down to the potty, the urge has subsided, or he's changed his
mind or gotten distracted or something related to him being TWO.
I think we need to make a solid decision to start the
potty-training in earnest, and not be so laissez-faire about it,
especially since Cary is asking to go. And when Dean sees Cary up and on
the potty, he will sit on it, for a few minutes anyway, before
wandering off to do something else. But at least that's something.
So it's a start, right? And we have to start somewhere.
I don't know. I know potty training is a winding and treacherous
cross-country journey, not a sprint, but it is already confounding me.
And we haven't even really started it yet. ARGH!
Advice, please!!
7 comments:
Hmmm. I don't have much advice for you. I think you're both right, though. You probably are being played, but if he's actually showing interest, then it's a good thing to encourage it and go with it. Can you make using the potty before bed part of their routine? If you said, right before they go in their cribs, "Potty time!" And then maybe read a book to them while they sit on the potty, do you think that would work? Then, if Cary asks to use the potty once he's in the crib, you would pretty much know he's playing you. And if you do decide to put him on the potty every time he says he has to go, then you should give him a time limit. Like two minutes or five minutes. Then you say, "We'll try again in the morning!" (Or "In a little while.") Guess the poop's not ready yet!"
Seth was a player when it came to the potty. Do not underestimate the ability of a 2 year old to manipulate!!!! LOL.
My assvice regarding potty training is not to rush it, not to push it, and not to get stressed over it. But I think all three of those things are impossible to accomplish! Especially the first time around. :-)
Here is my perspective as a twin mom. When Nate wanted to potty train, it took 3 days and BOOM. Done. He was READY.
Alex was not ready by the time he was three. We HAD to potty train him because he had to be trained to move to the 3s room. It was a nightmare filled with pee and poop filled underwear, pee on carpet, and one step forward, ten million steps back. It took MONTHS.
I think introducing them to potty concepts is AWESOME. But if they learn it is something you will always jump to do, they will definitely play you. At day care, they make potty sitting part of the routine - every one sat before snack, lunch, outside time, and we sat them before bed. But once diapers were on and they were in bed? No getting back out for anything.
OH and as much as you think you WANT out of diapers, it is so incredibly inconvenient for months to be in underwear. PARTICULARLY with two. You have to bring tons of extra clothing - underwear, shorts, even shoes - and you have to be ready to drop EVERYTHING at a moment's notice to get to a potty.
Are you really ready for that? No one told me that so I dreamed of being diaper free. There were so many times I wish we could have gone back to diapers!
Here's what worked for us for what it's worth -
I didn't want to potty train my boys, because I was not interested in cleaning up messes & all the public bathroom trips we'd be taking every time we went out so I didn't push potty training at all! Quite the opposite - I never put them on the toilet and never talked about it. Finally, they saw a friend using the toilet & realized that Mama & Daddy use the toilet. They started asking & I kept putting it off, then they flat out refused to wear diapers (at this point, I was putting them on backwards with ducttape & they were still getting out of them) and they saw the froggy potties at Target and begged for them, so I bought them underwear and the potties. Then spent three days in the living room (hardwood floor) letting them watch 12 hours of tv and eat all their meals in there and they had a blast peeing & pooping every 20 minutes & in 3 days, they were completely trained with no accidents and no tears and no stress. We've had maybe 6 accidents total in the last two years. I know it doesn't always work this easy and I know that it can be troublesome with fraternal twins (as compared to identicals who usually hit the same milestones at the same time) but this worked really well for us. Once we started taking trips out of the house, we just put the travel potty in the back of the car and used it if we couldn't find a public restroom.
Good Luck!
I'm so glad you wrote this, because we were just discussing it this weekend. We're in the same potty-training limbo that you're in and we're definitely not being consistent about it.
Samantha's waking. More later.
Let me start with potty training is a pain, whether you start it now or at some point in the future. But with that said I think both you and Lester are right. I know you don't want to hear it, but you are likely being played. Just cause they are two doesn't mean they aren't fully capable of a little mind games. They may not be able to article what they are doing, but if Cary doesn't want to go to bed and saying he has to go potty delays that process he will continue to play that card.
My suggestion on a solution: 30 minutes before bedtime, put both boys on the potty and explain that this is potty time and whether they actually go or not once they get up and get in the bed then tell them this is bedtime and not potty time. And don't think it will work right away. One thing I've learned about potty training the hard way is that it is more about consistency and perseverance (on your part).
So my friend Candice reminded me that the school we're sending the boys to this fall has said they will help potty-train the children. So I think I will just back off until then, let them take the lead and then do whatever they do!
Yay! My new parenting philosophy is, "hand your parenting responsibilities off to strangers!" Awesome. I hope this will work when they get bad grades or come home with condoms and weed in their pockets.
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