The devil is in the shoes

I've had twins now for going on 4 and a half years, and still it never gets old to me to take note of all the ways that two little people -- grown in the same womb, fed the same foods, loved by the same two parents, with the same rules and [pretty much] the same experiences -- can be so diametrically different.

This is a photo I took this morning of Cary's side of the bed (left) and Dean's side of the bed.
I recently asked the children to keep their shoes in their room instead of in the living room shoe basket, so this is the first time they really have shoes in their room. And so today was the first time I really noticed that this is how each boy voluntarily keeps his shoes.

One of these kids is going to make a good college roommate someday. :-)

Listen, having twin infants was hard. Having twin toddlers and pre-schoolers was and sometimes still is very challenging. But I really am so glad I get to have this experience. Watching Cary and Dean grow up into two very different human beings reminds us that our kids are who they are, in spite of our parenting. This is a good thing because, as parents, we all have moments where we are tempted to feel smug about our kids' performance or behavior or character traits - and then judge other parents for theirs. And there are also far too many moments when we beat ourselves up for the same things, and feel jealous of other parents who are obviously much better at this, or worse -- just have better kids! (Guilty -- on both counts.)

Having two children the same age helps us to keep some perspective. Dean isn't helpful and neat because we have meticulously instilled that in him, necessarily, any more than Cary is lazy and the messiest kid on the planet because we don't stay on top of him.

They just are who they are. And both of them - no, all three of my babies -- are just right exactly the way they are.

When the "experts" try to make you feel like your kids will do right if only YOU would do better as a parent -- just think of Cary's and Dean's shoes.

 You're welcome.

A study in contrasts

I have been cognizant of the stark differences in my two boys since birth -- and actually, since they were in the womb, when Dean was a mover and a kicker and Cary made me call the OB because I could barely feel him.

But sometimes, more than others, I am really struck by how different they are. Today, for example, Michelle and I took the boys to Port Discovery, something we've done many times. I took photos, as I always do, but I didn't pay a lot of attention to what I was doing, really, because frankly I have a zillion photos of them at Port Discovery now. So I was sorta vacantly snapping.

When I got home, though, and went to share the photos by e-mail with Lester, I couldn't help but notice this:

Dean, in constant motion, so much so that he is hard to photograph:







And Cary, very often, sitting and reading:








This is not to say that Dean doesn't like to read. He does. And sing! Boy does he love to sing.

And it is not to say that Cary doesn't run around like a crazy person, tearing my house up every day. He most certainly does. His favorite words these days are, "outside," "pway" and "park."

Lester is very nervous when I start categorizing my boys in the way that this post is doing. And I truly don't want to label them, for many reasons, but especially because I want them to discover who they are and who they want to become without potentially-damaging interference.

But the camera don't lie, peoples. You can see it for yourselves.

People are who they are; even those lucky people who happen to share a womb and a birthday.

********
Meanwhile, CLAIR UPDATE!



We went for her 6 week check-up yesterday -- even though she's technically 6-weeks-old today (Happy 6 weeks, Clair!) -- and my sweetie is 10 lbs. 4 oz. and 22 inches long. Yay! She's well-nourished! (Guilt-ridden bottle-feeding mommas out there, you know what I'm talkin' about!)

She started smiling at me about 10 days ago, and boy does that whole-face, toothless smile make a difference to a sleep-deprived mother! So far, Clair is very, very smiley and is always moving her mouth as if she wants to talk to me. I think this means she will grow into a happy, chatty girl, and I am pleased as can be with that.

After her doctor's appointment, I went to Panera and ordered breakfast, sat a table and read the paper and e-mail, while Clair napped in her carseat. When she got fussy, I fed her and then held her in my arms while I continued to read. She was so peaceful and smiley (even in her sleep), and I started thinking about how wonderful it will be when I can really, really hang out with my daughter, just the two of us, out on the town, having a bite to eat and enjoying one another. Of course, I started crying a little bit thinking about just how happy I am that God chose me to have a daughter -- and that He chose Clair to be the daughter I got.

Of course, I have no idea who these three human beings I gave birth to will turn out to be in the long run. But they sure are spectacular right now.