My generation's MLK

Today, I am overwhelmed with admiration and immensely thankful for the life of Nelson Mandela. What a life he lived! What a legacy he leaves behind! 

I am also praying that Mandela's life's work doesn't stop with his death. I sincerely pray that those who are inclined to hate people -- because of the color of their skin, or their sexual orientation, or their body shape or economic status -- will one day be moved nearer to love.

If the world envisioned by Martin Luther King Jr. and the great man they called Madiba can truly be realized, then I won't have to fear for my little brown babies as they grow and go.

Your dreams are my dreams, Baba Mandela.

May our dreams someday come true.

 
“No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.” —Long Walk to Freedom: The Autobiography of Nelson Mandela

Sleepless leads to progress

I am having trouble sleeping.

It started because I have been sick as a dog (even in New York, but I pushed past it) and unable to breathe well at night.

Then when we got back from the weekend, I had all the normal "back-to-work/school" worries running around in my brain.

And then, last night -- horror of horrors -- I noticed the mice have come back. UGGGGHH!! I HATE living in my house! And so I spent the night lying awake, imagining every tiny sound I heard was a mouse, coming to eat me alive.

Around 12:45, I decided to just get up. I went to my computer and started to do the mindless thing I always do when I can't sleep -- looking at pictures of renovated kitchens and dreaming (something I do a lot of at cultivate.com); or looking at actual, beautiful, non-mice-ridden houses for sale in neighborhoods I only wish I lived in.

But last night, after considerable prayer for days on end for strength and courage, I decided to finally take a step toward getting that new house, and that beautiful kitchen.

I hope you know that I have been reading all of my friends' blog posts about dreaming big, and not being afraid and taking the first step toward your goals. I read them and I truly feel inspired. It just took until last night, for some reason, to turn that wistful, half-hearted inspiration and motivation into action.

I'm still not quite ready to put it out into the world exactly what I've done -- and believe me, it was a small, small, extremely preliminary step in a long line of things I'll need to do -- because there's no guarantee that I will succeed. In fact, there's a high likelihood I will not reach this goal, one I've had since I was a teenager. It is a big goal.

But in the wee hours of this morning, I took a step. One small step. But a step.

For this, I am grateful for being unable to sleep (for once). And I am truly grateful for having blogger friends who inspire me to DO something about my dreams, and not just remember them, foggily, in the morning after a long night of staring at the ceiling.

37 weeks daydreams

I'm 37 weeks today. And I can sorta see the light at the end of the tunnel but it is faint, folks. Like, that tiny little pinlight that the eye doctor shines on a wall a million miles away and asks if you can see it.

I just told a friend this morning in an email that the biggest thing is that I am SOOO, SOO, SOOO, SOOO tired. I'm too uncomfortable to sleep at night, and then when I do drift off, I have to pee 10 seconds later. And I'm starting to get emotional because I'm so tired. This morning I wanted to cry because I couldn't find the small containers to go with the matching Tupperware tops. And Lester said, totally benignly, "Maybe you left them at work?" which -- for some reason -- made tears well up in my eyes. Like, "Don't ACCUSE me of losing the Tupperware! I am doing the best I can here!"
Isn't that crazy? Seriously, I am a tired, uncomfortable, cranky, tired, tired, tired mess.

I frequently have daydreams about sleeping. Last night, I had an actual dream about sleeping.

And yes, I know that sleeping is going to be a mere memory once Curve Ball is actually here. But let's cross that bridge when we come to it.

Other than sleeping, here's what else I daydream about:

• Walking up the stairs without feeling like I'm climbing a mountain
• Getting out of the bed without rocking or rolling or needing assistance
• Warm brownies with vanilla ice cream
• Being able to wear my regular clothes
• Being able to sit my boys on my lap again
• Pillsbury slice 'n bake cookies, hot out of the oven
• Putting my shoes on in less than 5 minutes (and without grunting and groaning)
• Seeing less of my bathroom
• Not being mad at my co-workers when they go to our single office bathroom without asking me if I have to go first, because, HELLLO! Of course I have to go.
• Friday night Chinese take-out
• Salt 'n vinegar potato chips
• S-E-X (well, OK, not really. But I do daydream about the day when I will daydream about that again.)
• Middle of the day napping with my peacefully sleeping baby
• Seeing her face for the very first time

But mostly, if I am honest, I daydream about sleep. And I can't wait until that dream becomes a reality again.

(A year from now. LOL.)