Agreement isn't necessary. Understanding is.

I don't know why, but I always feel like I need/want to explain myself about why it's important to us to send our kids to private school.

Maybe it's because we're friends with such liberal, pro-public-school people, so we don't want to be seen as "those people" -- the pretentious private school people who think they're better and whose kids are preppy assholes. Also, we're going to be flat broke for the next 20 years, so we know people think we're crazy and wonder why the hell we would do that to ourselves. :-)

It also might have something to do with the fact that, even within our own families, there's still a tension between "bettering oneself or one's own family" and so-called "acting" or "wanting to be" white. (And yes, this is a real thing, despite people who want to believe it's not.)

Navigating both dynamics -- friends who don't understand your choices and family members who fear you're judging and abandoning them -- is trying, to say the least.

I always seem to become very inarticulate when I try to make our reasons known.

But this article, even though it's old, really gets to the large and small of it. 

Here's the link: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=114327591

Most of you know my family background, and Lester's. So perhaps you can see how it is that we see ourselves in some of the imagery here.

No reason to read or listen to this right now, of course, but if we're close (you know who you are), I do want you to give it your attention, if you have the time and the inclination.

We know that private school is not "the answer." We know there are pitfalls and peer pressures wherever they go. In fact, there's a whole slew of new worries we're taking on by sending our children to a school where they'll be surrounded by privilege, potentially isolated, and exposed to vices we likely can't even imagine. And who knows how we'll feel once they actually get there. We could be singing an entirely different tune in a year or five.

But for us, right now, moving out of our neighborhood and sending the kids to private school seems like the best choice for our family.

I know we don't have to explain ourselves to anyone. And maybe you still won't agree with us, even after reading/listening to this. That's really OK. We don't have to agree.

But it would mean a lot for the people I like and love to at least understand.

Great evening at home with the kids

When I got home last night the kids were in dress-up mode.

In honor of Movember, I decided to heighten the fun and add stick-on mustaches to their get-ups. But the Davises were not as enthralled with this idea as I was. 

I had to bribe Cary and Dean to keep theirs on long enough for me to snap a picture, and Clair isn't old enough to understand bribing, so she just cried and then ripped hers off and threw it on the floor.

(Note: That dinosaur costume is really made for someone Clair's size, but Cary refused to take it off all night. He made us all call him "Dinosaur Cary" and he roared at us 'til bedtime.)

Later on in the night, the kids were all "co-wing" -- Clairspeak for "coloring" -- with pens and stray pieces of paper. This happens quite a bit; there's lots of scribbling and pen-poking and usually nothing really worth noting comes out of their artistry.

But last night, Dean drew an actual person! For the first time ever! 

"It's you, Mommy," he said. "On the beach!"

Awwww. I was really very impressed. One of the fascinating things about parenting is watching how children develop. Sometimes you can see things happening gradually, as with Cary right now and pre-reading. And other times, it's scribble, scribble, scribble, scribble, and then BAM! a stick-figure with a head, eyes, legs and curly hair!

And finally, I felt good about our decision to get our butts to church again when this conversation happened:

Clair, climbing up the stairs, whining because she thinks she's going to fall: "Ah fall! Ah fall!"
Me to the boys: "Cary and Dean, go tell your sister she's OK and that she's not going to fall."
Cary: "Clair, it's OK. Don't be scared. God is always with you."

Isn't that so sweet? I don't think Clair bought Cary's encouragement, because I had to stop what I was doing and come get my poor whining girl, frozen on the stairs. But it doesn't matter. I felt so great about Cary (CARY!) rushing to help his sister, and remembering what they're learning in children's church when he did. 

A rare moment of Cary looking sweetly at Clair. Could we be turning a corner?

And then we all had dinner together, all five of us, and there was cookie-cake for dessert, gifted to us by a friend! 

All in all, it was a really, really good night.

(Until I woke up at 4 in the morning in a full-on heart-racing, blood-coursing in my ears, can't regulate my breathing panic. But that's a post for another day.)

Ted the Turkey

Last night, we all went to a pre-school potluck at the boys' school, where we got to eat lots of delicious food and hear the boys' class sing a super cute song about Ted the Turkey.

I think it is so funny how the boys were singing this song at the tops of their lungs in the bed at night when they were supposed to be sleeping, but on stage, they suddenly became bashful.

Bashful or no, aren't these little performances the cutest?! I always feel so proud of my little babies, getting up there in front of everyone and singing so sweetly. I'm so grateful to have them in my life.

I love my little turkeys!

Granddad/Pop-Pop turns 97! Happy birthday!

So much stuff has happened since I last blogged, including a Davis family visit to a church (finally!), a bunch of cook-outs and visits from friends; I finished book one of Game of Thrones; Michelle our nanny got MRSA (!!!), so we had a bit of a panicky scramble trying to figure out childcare for this week (Lester ended up taking the week off); and lots of other interesting things to blog about.

But tonight the boys start soccer practice, so I know I'll want to blog about that tomorrow. Which means I HAD to get one very important thing down first. My Granddad turned 97 on Aug. 30th!! Isn't that a blessing?!

We all got together to celebrate him over Labor Day weekend. We had birthday brunch and the menu was off-the-chain. Grits, corned beef hash, eggs, waffles, pancakes, cinnamon apples (which I made and they were goooood), sausage, two kinds of bacon, coffee, orange juice and then...CAKE.

The kids had a blast playing with their cousins and eating everything under the sun. I loved seeing all my family together - even my brothers, who are usually MIA. And we all loved thinking about the blessings that my Granddad's near-century of living has brought. The older I get, the more I realize that family means everything. I'm grateful to have such a big and boisterous group of people who I love and who I know love me.

97 and still smiling!

Granddad and my sister Kadija.

Granddad doesn't move out of this chair, so we all had to pose for pics with him here.

Matty and Clair waiting for food.

Isn't Matty the cutest?

My boys love Auntie Hira!

My oldest nephew, Kalonji. Can't believe he'll be 13 in November.

My brother Rashad's daughter Nasya, Aminah, Kalonji, Kwahli and Russy.

Nasya, Matty, Aminah, Kalonji, Kwahli and Russy.

I love how Matty is looking at Dean. His little face cracks me up!

Kwahli and Alahna

My brother Rashad! So happy to see him!!

My Dad did most of the cooking. Everything was delicious!

Clair had on a pretty dress, but she spilled my whole cup of coffee over on herself and me. So we had to change her clothes. I had to walk around in coffee-stained clothes.

The Holmes Family.

My Mom put 97candles on Granddad's cake. It took three people to light it.

This is what it looked like all lit. Call the Fire Marshal! Seriously, after he blew out the candles, we all almost choked from the smoke. LOL.

Granddad is so special he had to have two cakes! Kadija and her family brought this one. Dean said, "How did trees get on a cake?" And Cary said, "They just grew!"

This man has been alive almost 100 years. He still eats any and everything he wants. He is healthy as a horse. And sharp as a tack. I said to him, "Let's do this again in another 97 years." He said, "I'll be here!"

My sister and me, doling out cake.

Clair was soooo tired, but not too tired to eat cake and ice cream.

Twins!

Dean and his Granddad. I hope Dean and Cary get to celebrate HIS 97th birthday!

My brother Haleem showed up -- late, of course. But he came!

Haleem and Cary!

And just because we were there  marveling at Granddad's 97 years, we had to pull out the photo albums. Such GEMS in here! I could look at these old photos all day.

That's my Granddad in 1973 giving my Dad a look that says, "Why won't you cut your hair?!"

That's my beautiful Grandma holding my Dad in her arms. Isn't she amazing?

My Dad!

That's my Grandma on the right and my Aunt Pearl. Aunt Pearl was a hot ticket, wasn't she?  I think my sister Tahira looks like her a little.

And just for good measure, that's my Mom (weighing in at 90 lbs.), holding me as a little baby, and kneeling next to me in my stroller. We're in front of my Grandma and Granddad's house -- the same spot where I took the picture of Matty with the hula hoop!

Anyway, it was quite a stroll down memory lane and quite a marvelous day. I'm so happy my kids got to be a part of their Pop-Pop's 97th birthday. I hope they'll get to be a part of his 100th!

Tanika's Diamonique Jubilee (the recap in photos)

I capped off a month-long celebration of my 40th birthday this weekend at a local bar/restaurant.
I called it my "Diamonique Jubilee." (Kinda like the Queen's Diamond Jubilee, but without the flotilla.)

I'm going to share a gazillion photos of the night (which was SOOO much fun), but really, there's only one photo you really need to see to know what kind of shindig this was.

And here it is:

Holla!

Yes, future teenaged Davis children who will likely be embarrassed by my every move, no matter how mundane: That is your mother at 40 years old, in a bar with her shades on, holding a bottle of premium tequila - LIKE A BOSS!

(I can't be sure if this was before or after the shots that your grandmother made me do. But who cares? Right? )

Now those of you who were unable to make it, seeing that photo right there, aren't you sad you missed my Jubilee?It's OK. I'll do it again in 10 years.

For posterity's sake, here's a photo album of my Diamonique Jubilee - at Wit & Wisdom, a bar at The Four Seasons.

Wes and his beautiful lady friend, Danielle. I met Wes when I was working at the KC Star. He came to visit a fellow Star reporter. We very much disliked one another at first. But I won him over with my charm and awesomeness. Although we talk infrequently these days (thank God for gchat!), he is still one of my very best friends.

Andre, me and Jill! How stylish and gorgeous are my former Sun friends? Andre is a photographer who took my favorite photo at my wedding of me and Lester jumping the broom and whooping for joy! And Jill is basically the love of my life.

Me and my Mom, selfie. Who looks like twins? Us? Nooo.

David and his wife Stephanie. I met David when at the KC Star, too. He was working at Hallmark at the time and we went to church together. He also threw the best house parties! We became instant friends and he remains my boy even today. Trivia point: I had just come back from David's wedding in Aruba (to Stephanie) the day (or two) before my first date with Lester!

Mari, Rashod and Stacey. (Mari is married to Antwyne, Lester's good college buddy, and she is now in my bookclub and my Unbalanced Mommies group and has become a very good friend. Rashod is "Uncle Dusty" to my boys and is also a very, very good friend. And everybody knows who Stacey is. She's my boo. And Hugo's mom!)

We had just been with Antwyne and Mari earlier that day at a toddler festival, with our kids. It was all turtles and pony rides and humidity, but somehow they still looked equally as stylish and cool as they do in this picture. I hate them! I love them!

My two best guys ever, Lester and Dad. Dad's drinking Coca-Cola. He is such a lightweight.

Juanita and her husband Ron. I've known Juanita since middle school. She's wonderful and hysterical and the organized person I turn to when I need to find out someone's contact information, or figure out the tip on a restaurant bill.

Liz Bowie and her husband Dan Fesperman. Liz still works at The Sun, but Dan left to write super-successful spy novels. Liz is my inspiration. Great writer, great mom, looks way younger than she is! I need her secrets. As one of the best education writers in the country, she also is the person who I can most honestly talk to about all my "how-will-I-properly-educate-my-kids" woes.

Callie and Stephanie. Callie is the woman who I met when the boys were babies at Mother Goose on the Loose at our local library. Then we met again at a festival in our neighborhood. Her daughter, Spirit, and the boys love each other, so Callie and I knew we just had to be friends!

Zac and Andrea. Andrea still works at The Sun, where we met. She's one of my most loyal and dependable friends. Also, she has great clothes. And we share a love of food (especially chocolate).

Callie and her husband Gary. At the boys' birthday party last month, Stephanie and Callie got to talking. Turns out they're in the same sorority. Also turns out that Gary and David are in the same fraternity! And that Callie's brother went to the same small HBCU that David did. Now Gary, David, Stephanie and Callie are becoming friends. I feel like a matchmaker!

Jill, Laurie and John-John. Jill and Laurie are two of my very closest friends and both used to work at The Sun. John-John is the fashion writer at The Sun, following in my footsteps. Except he's waaay more fashionable. Check out the brooch!

At one point during my time at The Sun, I sat in a "pod" with these two amazing people, Rashod and Stephanie. Rashod "Uncle Dusty" Ollison is now an award-winning pop music critic at the Virginian Pilot. Stephanie is someone I admire greatly. She's a writer, an artist, a loyal and wonderful friend and is going to India on a Fulbright this fall! She's also one of the reasons I'm at The Hatcher Group. She's married to my boss, Tom, and recommended me to him. Now Tom's my friend, too!

David, Ron and Gary - three cool-looking black dudes. And, as proof that I have the most "equity among friends" of anyone you know, see the next photo...

Alec, Dan and Tom (my boss and friend) -- three cool-looking white dudes.

Mom and Dad, the greatest parents ever. How many people wanna party with their parents? Seriously. I am blessed!

Lester, Zac and Antwyne. Hotness!

Brent and Monique. Brent used to be a sports writer at The Sun. Then he left to get a degree in psychology, got married to Monique who was working at the Boston Globe at the time, and moved her to Baltimore, where she is now a top sports editor at The Sun. Full circle! Also, Brent and Monique's wedding is where Lester and I got our groove back two Memorial Days ago -- causing us to make Clair a week later. (Is that TMI?) Whatever...Brent and I also are very good friends. For a dude, he gives surprisingly good advice.

Renee and her boo Jordan. I met Renee because she was the one who started our bookclub (of which I'm hosting this weekend!) She now, coincidentally, works at City Hall, in the Mayor's office, and keeps tabs on Lester for me. (Just kidding. Sorta.) She is an amazing seamstress (she made that dress!!!) and a very good friend. She hung window coverings in my house when I first moved in. Came with her own drill and everything. I hate her! I love her!

Andre and Kelly. (Andre is married to Kat, not pictured, and Kelly is married to Mark, home with their pre-schooler and infant.) Can you believe that hot girl had a baby like 10 seconds ago? I hate her! No, I love her! She's one of my very, very best friends. She also has the best hair! Check out that Dominican blowout. I hate her!

My mother forced me to do tequila shots out of wine glasses. No kidding. This is why I couldn't drive myself home (thanks Monique and Brent for saving me!) I was fine until my MOTHER peer-pressured me into doing shots. Only in my life does this happen.

Group shot! Skinny-arm pose!

Monique, Laurie (who drove from North Carolina to come to the Jubilee) and me and my thigh.

The Four Seasons (where the restaurant/bar was) sent me this cake! I took two bites and my Dad came and commandeered the plate and scarfed the rest. Like he always does.

Just for laughs -- and to mortify my future teenaged children even more -- here is what happens after many drinks and two shots of tequila: Yes, Cary, Dean and Clair -- that is your Nana, your Auntie Kelly and your mother doing a drunk version of the Instagram bathroom selfie!

You can be appalled if you want to, kids. This night was FUN!

LOL! ROFL. LMAO. Etc...

Platinum Jubilee in 10 years, y'all! Be there or be square!