Can twin closeness be a bad thing?

This week, I was getting Lester's laptop out of his work bag and discovered two little progress reports from C and D's last day of school.

Putting aside for a moment the fact that my dear husband forgot to even mention these to me -- the last day of school was MAY 28th -- I was a little sad when I read them over.

There were no real surprises; the boys are doing well in almost all areas. But under "interacts with one or more children," Dean and Cary both got an "N" for "not consistently demonstrating;" they both got "Ps" --  progressing -- in "participates in the group life of the class" -- and Cary got a string of flashing neon Ps in "interacts with familiar adults," "shows empathy and caring for others," "follows simple classroom rules and routines," and pretty much the whole section called "Personal and Social Development."

Beth posted a lovely piece today on Facebook called  "My Kids Aren't Perfect and That's OK." The gist was that it was OK if kids weren't acing every single subject in school, or if they weren't remembering to do all their chores without being nagged. Kids "stumble and fall and make lots of mistakes and messes," the post says, but what matters is that they are "good, kind and caring [people.]"

eing a good, kind, caring person.

being a good, kind, caring person.

Well, ahem, judging from the progress reports, being good, kind and caring -- the things that are the hallmark of a socially normal person -- are pretty much the only things my children are lacking!

Cary is a special case, because he is a little aloof, in general, and not very consistent about behaving in a socially appropriate way, especially around new people. It's his personality. Dean is more extroverted and a people-person, so he's a little bit better in this area.

But mostly, I blame this OBVIOUS social stuntedness on my boys being twins.

Check out what the teachers had to say about Cary and Dean (after they went through the obligatory "Child is bright, enjoys the sand table..." BS).

About Cary:
Cary sometimes needs assistance expressing himself and depends on his brother Dean to speak for him.

About Dean:
Dean needs daily reminders to remember to let Cary speak for himself. He only does this because he loves Cary so much and is very concerned about his well-being.

Hmmm. #co-dependent much?

I have noticed that my boys never seem to really play with other children when we're out -- even with familiar children. They don't have friends, really, other than the ones we adults call their friends, either because we like to hang with their parents (Antony, Abby, Maya, Hugo, Naomi, Spirit), or because we see them so much everywhere (Marcus).

I always thought it was a good thing that the boys had each other. It certainly made the entry into school a lot easier than it has been for poor Clair (God help that child to stop being so fearful and tearful every day!) But now I look around and notice that other kids their age are starting to form adorable little friendships, or at the very least, they have a semblance of what it means to be the kind of person people would want to be friends with.

But when I mention to Cary, for instance, that he shouldn't SCREAM in people's faces when he's just met them because people won't want to be friends with people who aren't kind, he simply shrugs. After all, why does he need other people to be his friends? He has Dean.

And when I ask them about other kids, they honestly don't know what to say about them, because they don't pay other kids any attention! They live in their own little twin-world and they're just fine there.

I think Dean will eventually find himself some buddies. For Cary -- well, it might take a while for that to happen.

But I do wonder how long it will take them to want outside friendships -- and if a delay in developing that desire will mean an accompanying delay in knowing how to make friends.

In other words, will my twin boys be socially awkward? I know I shouldn't worry about this kind of thing, but as a social person who has always found making friends to be easy, and intimate friendships with people truly rewarding, I DO WORRY.

I know how hard childhood and adolescence can be for those who find friend-making difficult. I don't want that for my boys. 

Parents of twins, what have you found in this area? Is this more because they're 4, or is this a real twins-thing throughout childhood? Am I just being neurotic (as usual).

Former womb-mates. Forever friends.

P.S. I think it is kinda funny that the boys' only other "Ns" were in "participates in group music experiences" and "participates in creative movement, dance and drama." Guess I won't be seeing them on Broadway. Hahahaa!