My version of Heaven (in pictures)

Lester's 40 for 40 gift this weekend was a surprise trip to my Mom's house. On our way there, he made a quick stop along I-95 at a new place he discovered that is now my favorite place on Earth. And then we continued on to my Mom's for a little party Lester planned, with my two sisters and their kids, my Mom and Dad and us. I was totally, totally surprised, and totally, totally thrilled!!

Instead of gushing about it in all caps and a million exclamation points, I will just show you what Heaven looks like in my dreams.

Well, hello lovers.

"Mommy! They are moving!!"

Not anymore, they're not. (Five little loverboys. 12 pounds of amazingness.)

He bought a bushel of crabs. They are all gone.

More sea-dwelling protein.

And still more, doused in white wine, onions and garlic.

A couple sides (and my Mom's famous potato salad: not pictured.)

Mom went out and bought these adorable crab-and-lobster cracking accessories. This double-sided paper towel holder is genius!

Drunk off lobster, lemon and butter, I had no problems wearing this stupid lobster hat.

Aaaaaaaand -- there was chocolate cake for dessert. BOO-YA!

I wish I was turning 40 EVERY YEAR!!

Big things poppin'....

The title of this post is an ode to my old-school days of (sometimes) listening to rap music, which I rarely do anymore, because my iPod has been taken over by Justin Roberts (thanks, Angel), Dan Zanes, Elizabeth Mitchell (thanks, Tahira), Elmo, Cookie Monster, Tag, Leap and Lily and a host of other shrill-voiced characters.

But once upon a time, T.I. rapped about "Big things poppin' and little things stoppin'..." and I did a little shoulder dance at my desk and felt cool. Today I still feel pretty cool, because of a few big things happening in my little family.

1. Clair is 15-months today! She is the most opinionated, cranky/cheerful child ever to live. She is going to be a force to reckon with, and I am just going to pray that she uses her powers for good.
She has 4 words: "ott" (for hot); "uh-oh"; "mama" and "dada." Most of the time, we are all dada -- even Cary and Dean. She has started occasionally saying "unh-unh" for no. But usually she just screams angrily at all of us all day long, and swipes and swats at us for some offense unknown to anyone but her. She climbs the stairs like a pro, but can't get down, and can get down off the sofa but can't get up. She has stranger anxiety like none other, and prefers me to anyone else in the world. This is sweet, somewhat, but you know...It'd be nice for other people to see her laugh and act silly instead of just cry and cling to me all the time. But I guess this will come. I hope it will. She is snuggly and sweet (when she wants to be) and loves, loves, loves to dance and read books. She is my absolute sweetie.

I need to take more photos of my silly sweetie!

 2. Cary and Dean have been practicing on their balance bikes!

I won't say who is doing a better job with the bikes so far, but this picture is an indication.

What's taking you so long???

One day this week at school drop-off, Dean climbed out of the car, went and stood by this tree and said, "Mommy, you have to take a picture." I don't know if this is for his secret Facebook page, or just what, but I called Cary over and did what I was told.

I have no idea why he needed this moment captured for all eternity.

 3. I have not done anything toward my goal of getting someone to accept my children's book idea, since getting rejection after rejection after rejection.

Thanks, "Submissions Department."

But I got this fortune in my cookie the other night when I brought home takeout for Lester and me after a loooong board meeting.

I wish it said, "Someone is going to publish your book." But I'll take what I can get.

 And now I think I will get back in the saddle! Must. Keep. Moving. Forward.

 4. Speaking of getting back in the saddle, Beth and Tam will be happy to know that I made an appointment to see my doctor and get my blood sugar, cholesterol, and Vitamin D levels tested. I go tomorrow morning! So yay for that.

5. And not to brag about my husband anymore, because seriously, it really is an embarrassment of riches, but I have to get down for history's sake the amazing 40 for 40 gift he gave me yesterday.

I came home from work feeling tired and sick and wanting to take Tylenol, hurry through the night's activities and go to bed. But Lester told me to get freshened up because we were going out! I honestly had to talk myself into getting excited, because I was just so beat down, but who can resist a man who is so incredibly sweet? So off to take a shower I went.
When I was ready, Lester went upstairs saying he was going to wash up and throw his clothes on. I stayed downstairs and played with the kids, when there was a knock on the door. I opened it and much to my surprise, my Dad was standing there! I thought HE was the babysitter and I immediately turned to ask Lester, "Are you insane?"
That's when I noticed that Lester was still in his shorts and T-shirt.
Turns out: He wasn't my date after all -- my Dad was!
Lester had gotten us tickets to see a play at Center Stage and arranged for my Dad to take off from teaching his evening class so he could go!
It was the SWEETEST thing! I still get all goosebumpy thinking about how he pulled that off. I was totally, 100-percent surprised.
And just when I thought it couldn't get any better -- he handed my Dad a card, which we read in the car. It was all about how Lester knows the close bond my Dad and I have and how much I miss talking to and spending time with him. He said in the note, "I thought I'd give you both the best gift I could think of: The gift of time together." And then, as if my mascara wasn't running enough already, he then wrote, "And Dad, I really hope that one day Clair and I have the same close relationship that you and Tanika have."

I swear, I think I saw a little tear in Dad's eye, too, after reading that card. (Admit it Dad, you cried a little!)

The night was a lot of fun. Dad and I really enjoyed the play (Beneatha's Place) and stayed out in the car afterward talking about any and everything until about 11:30!

This shirt dress looks much better when I stand up straight, I swear.

I came in the house and begged Lester not to give me anything else, because that was the ULTIMATE in my eyes. The ultimate! But he insists there's more. He keeps saying, "Babe, don't worry, these are small things!"

But this whole exercise has proven again and again that the small things mean the absolute most -- in case I ever forget.

Who needs big things poppin'...when the little things are this magnificent?

Pause to give mad props to my husband...

Every day for the last 10 days, I've gotten a gift from my husband.

Every even-numbered day, the gift has been a voice message that he recorded from one of my dearest friends or family members. He then took the voicemail, attached it to an email with his own little message, and sent it to me.

The first one - on May 4th - was from one of my closest friends, the woman I was supposed to visit in Atlanta, Neelofer. Her message made me cry (of course), because she started crying when she was talking, remembering how we met freshman year in college and how we've been a part of every big moment in each other's lives since, loving one another and caring for one another the way only best girlfriends can.

Lester's note, attached to the email, also made me cry. It was a quote I'm sure he found on the Internet, but it was so appropriate for her, and, actually, for so many of my other true friends.


"True friendship multiplies the good in life and divides its evils. Strive to have friends, for life without friends is like life on a desert island... to find one real friend in a lifetime is good fortune; to keep him is a blessing."  --- Baltasar Gracian

Other voice messages have been from my awesomely supportive friend Kelly; my oldest and dearest friend Desiree', who HATES doing that sort of thing, so I was so touched that she actually talked for almost 2 minutes; my sister Kadija, who wrote me a poem and cracked me UP; and my 96-year-old Granddad, who spoke for a grand total of 14 seconds. Here's what he said: "Happy birthday, Tanika. I hope you're having a lovely time. You are a lovely girl. Have fun. Granddad."

Ha!! Man of few words, that guy is.

On the odd-numbered days, Lester has given me some small gift, usually left in a conspicuous place, so I'll find it by surprise, or once he hand-delivered the gift to my office.

There's been a tube of chocolate-caramel balls, a Starbucks gift card, a gift bag of fancy ginger ales, THIS oh-so-sweet book:

Having Lester's support in everything I do means the world to me.

And the doozy of all doozies -- concert tickets to see my boo Justin Timberlake during the Legends of Summer Tour in August!!!! The concert tickets are spectacular, but even more impressive is the fact that Lester is going to go WITH me to the show! Let's just say he doesn't share my enthusiasm for JT.

But he does like that Suit-and-Tie song, and in fact, in the note card to me along with the gift, he paraphrased lyrics from it: "Here's to the woman who showed me a few things about love."

Awwww....(I also cried reading that one, of course.)

In between planning and executing all this gift-giving, Lester managed to participate 100-percent in the planning and executing of the boys' 3rd-birthday cookout, he's been holding it down with me at home while Michelle has been out sick, and he STILL managed to get me a Mother's Day gift (something small and sentimental I'd asked for a long time ago, before I knew he was doing this 40 for 40 thing.)

I've got 30 days (!!) left before my actual birthday, and I have NO idea how he's going to keep this thing going. He's pretty much touched on almost all of my sweet spots -- friends, family, chocolate. I keep wondering who else he recorded, what additional sweetness could possibly be coming. Besides a 3-lb. lobster dripping in lemon and butter, I don't know what else he can pull out of his hat.

A big part of me feels embarrassed by all these riches. But mostly I'm overwhelmed by his generosity, his thoughtfulness, his understanding of who I am and his amazing, amazing love.

In my 20s and early 30s, I made a lot of bad decisions when it came to romantic relationships. I suffered a lot of heartache and loneliness and even some outright humiliation at the hands of men who didn't measure up. I prayed and prayed that I'd one day be blessed to have a husband who'd love me the way I knew in my heart that I deserved to be loved. I knew I had to make better decisions when it came to choosing people to love. And I admit that I (finally, finally) made a good decision to date Lester, someone who was outside my "type," 9-years-younger and not a narcissistic commitment-phobe.

But I had no idea that the stars would line up the way they have. I thank God that He knew my heart would agree with my head on this one! And I'm so thankful, so grateful, so humbled to be Lester's wife, partner and friend.

When Lester quoted Baltasar Gracian (whoever that is) in the email when he sent Neelofer's voice message, it didn't occur to me at the time, but now I know, with absolute certainty, that the quote most aptly applies to him:

To find one real friend in a lifetime is good fortune; to keep him is a blessing.

40 for 40

Yesterday, Lester gave me the most amazingly touching gift.

He wrote me a letter (on actual paper) all about milestones and how important they are in our lives. And at the end of the note, he said that today marks the 40th day before my 40th birthday. To mark this milestone, he said I'll be receiving 40 things - some gifts, some notes, some messages from friends and loved ones, some things I can't predict -- all the way up until I turn 40 on June 11.

What a wonderful, wonderful gift. I don't even have to see what the 40 things are. Just the thought that he put such a thing together makes me feel overwhelmingly blessed, lucky and emotional to have him as a life partner and friend.

But, truthfully, his letter caught me off guard a bit. I hadn't really been thinking about what it means to turn 40. I have been so focused on planning the boys' party next week, and taking care of sick babies, I honestly haven't thought about my birthday -- this milestone, as he put it -- at all.   

What do I want for myself as I turn 40? What does this milestone mean to me?

I honestly don't know the answer to those questions, but Lester's letter (and love) has inspired me to think about it, and to come up with my own 40 for 40 of sorts.

I'm going to try to think of 40 things -- maybe they'll be goals; maybe they'll be activities; maybe they'll be lessons I've learned or people I want to thank; maybe they'll just be songs I want to hear that day or books I want to read. I don't know what they're going to be yet.

But one thing I do know after living on this earth 40 days shy of 40 years is that I have to live my life purposefully. I have to have goals, lists, calendars, events planned, dreams to aim for and a plan to make them come true. I don't want my life to just "happen" to me. I want to live my life to the fullest.

I think I'll start today.