On having three children: Fewer crabcakes; more love

I have been really bad about blogging lately because I have been just that busy at work.

Hmmm. Truthfully, I am always busy at work, but some days I am more focused than others -- so I guess I should say it that way: I have been really bad about blogging lately because I have actually been focused.

I wish I could say that more often. Procrastination, why can't I quit you??

Anyway, I wanted to gloat a little and say that the crabcake at my neighborhood restaurant -- the one I wrote about a little bit ago -- just got named best in Baltimore. Whoo-hooo!

The fine print under the crabcake says "Crabcake from Koco's Pub shown actual size." Awww, yeah!

So now, as if hanging out with me and my crazies wasn't enough, you all have even more reason to come and visit!

I should also point out that it just dawned on me today, while emailing with Angel, that I have two pre-schoolers and a toddler. What the HELL was I thinking?!

This made me think (again) about the many articles/columns that have been going back and forth in the NYT and other places about the merits and the downsides of having a big family vs. having only one child.

Every single missive I've read on the topic has made me sad, particularly since I am also being bombarded daily with articles about how hard it is for minority children to succeed in this society - even the smart ones - and how bad the education system is and how kids of wealthier parents are like 10 million times more likely to be successful/happy/not-in-prison-or-on-a-stripper-pole, you name it.

So as I was reading Lauren Sandler and KJ Dell’Antonia as they went back and forth explaining their reasons for choosing the family size they have, I kept thinking: If I had one child, I could afford to move out of our sucky neighborhood, away from the trash and the loud corners and the neighbors teaching them to speak in Baltimore slang. If I had one child, I could send him/her to the absolute best school in the area -- even on our salaries. If I had one child, I wouldn't have to LITERALLY read two books at once every evening when I come home, because Clair demands to read one book but the boys want to read another. Every single night.

(Note: Do you know how hard it is to read two books aloud simultaneously? The stress of making sure each kid is getting read to, and feels attended to, is going to be the death of me, do you hear me?)

If I had one child, we could go to Koco's for crabcakes every night!!

If I had one child, if I had one child, if I had one child...

Of course this is a ridiculous and foolish and unwin-able game to play. If I only had one child, which child would it be? Who could ever choose between the three I've been given? Who would want to?

I had no way of knowing, for example, that I needed Clair so much as I do -- until she was here, sleeping in my arms in the hospital, the light over my bed shining on her perfect face. I thought I was complete with just Cary and Dean. I had no idea how incomplete I was.

Is it harder having more than one child? Yes, of course. And, honestly, I have no idea how we will properly educate them, completely safeguard them, prepare them fully - as individuals - for this world that is crueler to minority kids, crueler to the less-than-wealthy, and made, it seems, to cater to families of only children.

But I know one thing we will do: We will love them.

God knows we will love them.

And as I said to Angel this morning, the beauty of loving children is that adding more doesn't divide the love. It multiplies it.

Exponentially.