On having three children: Fewer crabcakes; more love

I have been really bad about blogging lately because I have been just that busy at work.

Hmmm. Truthfully, I am always busy at work, but some days I am more focused than others -- so I guess I should say it that way: I have been really bad about blogging lately because I have actually been focused.

I wish I could say that more often. Procrastination, why can't I quit you??

Anyway, I wanted to gloat a little and say that the crabcake at my neighborhood restaurant -- the one I wrote about a little bit ago -- just got named best in Baltimore. Whoo-hooo!

The fine print under the crabcake says "Crabcake from Koco's Pub shown actual size." Awww, yeah!

So now, as if hanging out with me and my crazies wasn't enough, you all have even more reason to come and visit!

I should also point out that it just dawned on me today, while emailing with Angel, that I have two pre-schoolers and a toddler. What the HELL was I thinking?!

This made me think (again) about the many articles/columns that have been going back and forth in the NYT and other places about the merits and the downsides of having a big family vs. having only one child.

Every single missive I've read on the topic has made me sad, particularly since I am also being bombarded daily with articles about how hard it is for minority children to succeed in this society - even the smart ones - and how bad the education system is and how kids of wealthier parents are like 10 million times more likely to be successful/happy/not-in-prison-or-on-a-stripper-pole, you name it.

So as I was reading Lauren Sandler and KJ Dell’Antonia as they went back and forth explaining their reasons for choosing the family size they have, I kept thinking: If I had one child, I could afford to move out of our sucky neighborhood, away from the trash and the loud corners and the neighbors teaching them to speak in Baltimore slang. If I had one child, I could send him/her to the absolute best school in the area -- even on our salaries. If I had one child, I wouldn't have to LITERALLY read two books at once every evening when I come home, because Clair demands to read one book but the boys want to read another. Every single night.

(Note: Do you know how hard it is to read two books aloud simultaneously? The stress of making sure each kid is getting read to, and feels attended to, is going to be the death of me, do you hear me?)

If I had one child, we could go to Koco's for crabcakes every night!!

If I had one child, if I had one child, if I had one child...

Of course this is a ridiculous and foolish and unwin-able game to play. If I only had one child, which child would it be? Who could ever choose between the three I've been given? Who would want to?

I had no way of knowing, for example, that I needed Clair so much as I do -- until she was here, sleeping in my arms in the hospital, the light over my bed shining on her perfect face. I thought I was complete with just Cary and Dean. I had no idea how incomplete I was.

Is it harder having more than one child? Yes, of course. And, honestly, I have no idea how we will properly educate them, completely safeguard them, prepare them fully - as individuals - for this world that is crueler to minority kids, crueler to the less-than-wealthy, and made, it seems, to cater to families of only children.

But I know one thing we will do: We will love them.

God knows we will love them.

And as I said to Angel this morning, the beauty of loving children is that adding more doesn't divide the love. It multiplies it.

Exponentially.

Showing some Koco's Pub and neighborhood love

Last night Lester had to work late and it was gym night. So I knew coming in the door after work that it was all on me. Usually, that is just fine. Not even a second thought.

But yesterday, for some reason, the prospect of being home alone during the witching hour with three crazies, preparing leftovers, cleaning up the dining room, kitchen and (at least three times) the living room, pleading and cajoling to get them in their pajamas and in the bed etc. etc...well, let's just say it did not sound appealing to me.

So on a whim, I decided to throw the crazies into the car and go grab dinner, somewhere, anywhere. I thought of Chik-fil-a, and of Friendly's and decided they were too far. But I knew I wanted someplace that would be fast, cheap and family-friendly. So I ended up at a restaurant right around the corner (a block down from the Red Canoe) called Koco's.

I've been there several times before with Lester, or with friends and even once with members of the board of the Green School, for a board meeting. (Cocktails + crabcakes = best board meeting ever!) But I never thought to bring the kids.

I'm so glad I did and I know we'll do it again!

The place is so family-friendly, it even has a big area in a corner with trucks and toys and crayons and coloring books. There's a half freezer on the floor, stocked with Popsicles. And the wait staff is SO helpful and friendly and accomodating, it was just like being home with family. At one point, while reaching for a toy on a shelf, Dean slipped and fell into a milk crate on the floor (it was actually pretty funny how stuck he was in that crate). Before I could get over there, a server had rushed to his aid, picked him up, hugged, rocked and soothed him! It was amazing and so, so sweet.

No one cared when trucks were being rolled all over the floor; no one batted an eye when a play telephone came crashing to the floor. Our server (whose son is in the 4s class at the kids' school) brought us a ton of extra napkins without me asking and brought Clair a plastic cup full of lemon slices because she noticed they were keeping her occupied and quiet(ish).

While there, I ran into the owners of the Red Canoe, who have become friends of ours, and at least two sets of diners came over and chatted with me, or played with the boys and cooed over Clair.  I loved the laid-back, familiar feel of the whole night. It was such a low-stress evening, I left there feeling like I had made the best parenting decision of  recent weeks. (No dishes when we got home confirmed that feeling.)

When I think about us finally, finally being able to move to a new house someday, I literally cannot tell you how excited I get about leaving the City: for lower taxes and better schools, green grass and closet space, clean streets and corners unoccupied-by-teenagers in low-slung pants.

But then I think about things about our neighborhood that I really love -- the park, the Red Canoe, the cozy, family-feel of their school, the pizza place with the best po' boys on Earth, the growing stretch of retail and restaurants along Harford Road, etc. -- and I get a little sad.

I now totally add Koco's Pub to this list. I wish we could go there every night!