Scene 1
The kitchen, before dinner. Dean spies the apricots - immediately decides he is STARVING.
Dean: Mommy, can I have an apricot? I'm hungry.
Me: I'm fixing dinner now, so maybe we can have one after dinner.
Dean: OK, Cary can have one and I can have one.
Me: Sounds good. But what about Clair? Can Clair have one?
Dean: (Quiet...thinking) Mommy, Clairzee can't have one because there's only two.
Me: Hmmm. You're right. There are only two apricots. Hmmm. What are we going to do? There are three children (I count each child slowly) and only two apricots. Clair will be sad if she doesn't have one.
Dean: Mommy, I think you're going to have to split it.
Cary: Yeah, Mommy, you have to split them, and give me one and Dean one and Clair one.
Me: OK, I'll do that. I'll cut them in half, and give one to each of you. One for Dean, one for Clair, and one for Cary.
Cary: That's a GREAT idea, Mommy!
MOMMY'S HEART SWELLS TO SIZE OF SOCCER BALL.
Scene 2
After dinner, cutting the apricots and dividing them up.
Me: Well, look. There's one half left.What do you think we should do?
Dean: Mommy, you can have that one.
Me: Ohhh, thanks sweetie. But I have an idea. Since you are such big boys, I'll cut this one piece in half again and give a piece to you and a piece to Cary. That way you both have TWO pieces of apricot.
Dean: YAYYY!!! (Claps!)
Cary: We get two because we're big boys?
Me: Yes, I gave you two because you're big boys, and also because I love you.
Cary: Awwwww. Thanks, Mommy.
Me: HEART SWELLS TO THE SIZE OF A BASKETBALL.
(P.S. Being the crazy woman that I am, I also cannot help but take note of the fact that there were some subliminal math messages going on in this fairness conversation. My plot to turn my kids into software engineers/CFOs/venture capitalists is underway! Bwahahahaaa! Ah-hahahahaaa!)
Showing posts with label fairness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fairness. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Friday, June 21, 2013
Not your grandparents' chore list
My sister sent me this Q &A article today about a woman she thought would resonate with me for two reasons:
1. She had a unique story to tell and couldn't get an agent/publisher interested, so she started her own publishing company and did it herself! (You go, girl! I'm taking notes!)
2. Her story was about fatherhood, looking at it differently, based on her experience as a Mom of 2, and having her husband step up to the plate in a major, major way.
This author's experience got me to thinking about how much Lester does in and around the house, and for and with the kids. I started mentally listing the things he does, and then I started feeling self-conscious. Like, "Dang! What the heck do I do?" LOL.
When I actually thought hard about it, I am quite impressed by not only how well we divide the work in our family, but also how we defy a lot of gender norms -- Lester especially. This is not by design. We did not set out to be gender-neutral, necessarily (and in some cases, we're decidedly gender-norm-believers, like I ain't going in that alley with the rats, so I will NOT take the trash out. Sorry, feminist friends. I ain't doing it.) We just do what comes most naturally to either of us, or what we like to do (Lester loves grocery shopping; I like keeping the calendar, etc.) and it just works. Thank God.
Anyway, here's a look at how we do things in our house, broken out by partner:
Lester:
Tanika:
As you can see, we do pretty well when it comes to fairly evenly dividing up the tasks that comprise running a household/maintaining a family. And we do it (mostly) without consternation or argument. Although as the chief laundry-doer, Lester probably would say my inability to put my clothes away after he's folded them is a major pet peeve. I do suck at putting my clothes away. Sorry, Les.
(Yet another reason why I need a new house, with a huge walk-in closet, where I can hide all my sins!)
Anyway, I look at this list and what it says about us --and the example it's setting for our kids -- and I am pretty proud of us. Yay for fair divisions of labor! Yay, us!
Note: I also look at this list and think:
Who does the real cleaning? (Miss Teresa, the once-a-month housekeeper. Sadly.)
Who the hell cleans out the oven? (No one.)
How do you guys divide up the work? Is it purposeful or accidental the way things fall in your house?
1. She had a unique story to tell and couldn't get an agent/publisher interested, so she started her own publishing company and did it herself! (You go, girl! I'm taking notes!)
2. Her story was about fatherhood, looking at it differently, based on her experience as a Mom of 2, and having her husband step up to the plate in a major, major way.
This author's experience got me to thinking about how much Lester does in and around the house, and for and with the kids. I started mentally listing the things he does, and then I started feeling self-conscious. Like, "Dang! What the heck do I do?" LOL.
When I actually thought hard about it, I am quite impressed by not only how well we divide the work in our family, but also how we defy a lot of gender norms -- Lester especially. This is not by design. We did not set out to be gender-neutral, necessarily (and in some cases, we're decidedly gender-norm-believers, like I ain't going in that alley with the rats, so I will NOT take the trash out. Sorry, feminist friends. I ain't doing it.) We just do what comes most naturally to either of us, or what we like to do (Lester loves grocery shopping; I like keeping the calendar, etc.) and it just works. Thank God.
Anyway, here's a look at how we do things in our house, broken out by partner:
Lester:
- Does all the laundry washing and folding
- Weekdays - gets the kids up, dressed and teeth brushed. Gets them their breakfast (cereal, mostly)
- Bathes the kids most nights/Brushes their teeth
- Does about 60-percent of the dishes
- Cleans out the refrigerator
- Takes out trash/recycling
- Changes our sheets
- Straightens our bedroom
- Mows the lawn/Handles yard work
- 8 times out of 10, mops and/or polishes the floors
- Handles all the finances - bill-paying, budget-making, taxes (Except I handle check-ins with the financial planner)
- Handles insurance matters
- Does all the grocery shopping and most of the Target, etc. shopping
- Handles almost all repair orders (calls plumber, exterminator, Comcast, etc.)
- Researches and plans most vacations
- Keeps track of car maintenance
- Reads to kids, plays with them
- Is a softie when it comes to discipline
- Sets goals/rules for family
Tanika:
- Makes the grocery list/plans the meals
- Weekends - gets the kids dressed (they get themselves up) and teeth brushed
- Does all the cooking (except for some wonderful pancake breakfasts on some weekends)
- Does 40-percent of the dishes
- Bathes the kids when Lester's out at a meeting or the gym
- Changes the kids' sheets
- Straightens up the house
- Does the kids' hair (except that Lester cuts Dean's hair)
- Shops for/orders the kids' clothes/shoes
- Arranges doctor's/dentist appointments
- Handles retirement matters
- Handles almost all school-related stuff
- Researches and buy developmental stuff (toys/books/educational stuff)
- Picks out kids' clothes
- 8 times out of 10, cleans the bathroom
- Plans and maintains ours and the kids' social calendars
- Buys gifts
- Reads to kids, plays with them (I do more singing and more "purposeful" play, I'd say, meaning I plan out what things we're going to play [because I'm TYPE A!] and Lester does more freestyling play.)
- Is stricter about discipline
- Sets goals/rules for family
As you can see, we do pretty well when it comes to fairly evenly dividing up the tasks that comprise running a household/maintaining a family. And we do it (mostly) without consternation or argument. Although as the chief laundry-doer, Lester probably would say my inability to put my clothes away after he's folded them is a major pet peeve. I do suck at putting my clothes away. Sorry, Les.
(Yet another reason why I need a new house, with a huge walk-in closet, where I can hide all my sins!)
Anyway, I look at this list and what it says about us --and the example it's setting for our kids -- and I am pretty proud of us. Yay for fair divisions of labor! Yay, us!
Note: I also look at this list and think:
Who does the real cleaning? (Miss Teresa, the once-a-month housekeeper. Sadly.)
Who the hell cleans out the oven? (No one.)
How do you guys divide up the work? Is it purposeful or accidental the way things fall in your house?
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