1. She had a unique story to tell and couldn't get an agent/publisher interested, so she started her own publishing company and did it herself! (You go, girl! I'm taking notes!)
2. Her story was about fatherhood, looking at it differently, based on her experience as a Mom of 2, and having her husband step up to the plate in a major, major way.
This author's experience got me to thinking about how much Lester does in and around the house, and for and with the kids. I started mentally listing the things he does, and then I started feeling self-conscious. Like, "Dang! What the heck do I do?" LOL.
When I actually thought hard about it, I am quite impressed by not only how well we divide the work in our family, but also how we defy a lot of gender norms -- Lester especially. This is not by design. We did not set out to be gender-neutral, necessarily (and in some cases, we're decidedly gender-norm-believers, like I ain't going in that alley with the rats, so I will NOT take the trash out. Sorry, feminist friends. I ain't doing it.) We just do what comes most naturally to either of us, or what we like to do (Lester loves grocery shopping; I like keeping the calendar, etc.) and it just works. Thank God.
Anyway, here's a look at how we do things in our house, broken out by partner:
Lester:
- Does all the laundry washing and folding
- Weekdays - gets the kids up, dressed and teeth brushed. Gets them their breakfast (cereal, mostly)
- Bathes the kids most nights/Brushes their teeth
- Does about 60-percent of the dishes
- Cleans out the refrigerator
- Takes out trash/recycling
- Changes our sheets
- Straightens our bedroom
- Mows the lawn/Handles yard work
- 8 times out of 10, mops and/or polishes the floors
- Handles all the finances - bill-paying, budget-making, taxes (Except I handle check-ins with the financial planner)
- Handles insurance matters
- Does all the grocery shopping and most of the Target, etc. shopping
- Handles almost all repair orders (calls plumber, exterminator, Comcast, etc.)
- Researches and plans most vacations
- Keeps track of car maintenance
- Reads to kids, plays with them
- Is a softie when it comes to discipline
- Sets goals/rules for family
Tanika:
- Makes the grocery list/plans the meals
- Weekends - gets the kids dressed (they get themselves up) and teeth brushed
- Does all the cooking (except for some wonderful pancake breakfasts on some weekends)
- Does 40-percent of the dishes
- Bathes the kids when Lester's out at a meeting or the gym
- Changes the kids' sheets
- Straightens up the house
- Does the kids' hair (except that Lester cuts Dean's hair)
- Shops for/orders the kids' clothes/shoes
- Arranges doctor's/dentist appointments
- Handles retirement matters
- Handles almost all school-related stuff
- Researches and buy developmental stuff (toys/books/educational stuff)
- Picks out kids' clothes
- 8 times out of 10, cleans the bathroom
- Plans and maintains ours and the kids' social calendars
- Buys gifts
- Reads to kids, plays with them (I do more singing and more "purposeful" play, I'd say, meaning I plan out what things we're going to play [because I'm TYPE A!] and Lester does more freestyling play.)
- Is stricter about discipline
- Sets goals/rules for family
As you can see, we do pretty well when it comes to fairly evenly dividing up the tasks that comprise running a household/maintaining a family. And we do it (mostly) without consternation or argument. Although as the chief laundry-doer, Lester probably would say my inability to put my clothes away after he's folded them is a major pet peeve. I do suck at putting my clothes away. Sorry, Les.
(Yet another reason why I need a new house, with a huge walk-in closet, where I can hide all my sins!)
Anyway, I look at this list and what it says about us --and the example it's setting for our kids -- and I am pretty proud of us. Yay for fair divisions of labor! Yay, us!
Note: I also look at this list and think:
Who does the real cleaning? (Miss Teresa, the once-a-month housekeeper. Sadly.)
Who the hell cleans out the oven? (No one.)
How do you guys divide up the work? Is it purposeful or accidental the way things fall in your house?
3 comments:
Our lists seem a bit lopsided, but I think our responsibilities are pretty even, even though they're a bit traditional. Ed thinks I don't pick up nearly enough, but I think I have enough on my list to keep me busy. ;-)
Beth:
•Does all the laundry washing and folding and putting away
•Bathes the kids most nights/supervises teeth brushing
•Makes the grocery list/plans the meals
•Does almost all the cooking (Ed grills and cooks when I tell him to)
•Gets the kids breakfast
•Cleans out the refrigerator
•Does 25 percent of the cleaning up after meals (dishes/dishwasher/putting things away)
•Shops for/orders the kids' clothes/shoes
•Does all the grocery shopping and the Target, etc. shopping
•Researches and plans most vacations and family outings
•Arranges doctor's/dentist appointments
•Handles almost all school-related stuff (permission slips, activities, lunch money account, etc.)
•Organizes/sorts/purges toys/kid stuff
•Plans and maintains ours and the kids' social calendars
•Buys gifts (Ed buys gifts for his own family since they’re a bit gift-crazy)
•Cleans out the litter box
•Takes the kids to library/other kid-centered outings
•Makes lunches/snacks for school
•Takes the kids to most of the birthday parties
Ed:
•Does 75 percent of the cleaning up after meals (dishes/dishwasher/putting things away)
•Sweeps and maintains the back patio and fountain
•Vacuums between housekeeper visits (Beth occasionally does this)
•Takes out trash/recycling
•Handles all the finances - bill-paying, budget-making, taxes
•Handles insurance matters
•Handles almost all repair orders (calls plumber, exterminator, Comcast, etc.)
•Keeps track of car maintenance
•Straightens up the house and keeps everything put away
•Handles retirement matters
•Handles the cat’s vet appointments
•We both get the kids up in the morning and help keep them on task for getting dressed/teeth brushed, but they pretty much do this by themselves now
•We both play with the kids, although I spend more time with the kids day-in and day out. Ed gets home later than me during the week, and the kids often run errands with me on the weekends and I take them to the pool
•We both take the kids to doctor appointments, although I probably do the majority of those
•We both take turns with sick days/time off for the kids
•Ana: Changes our sheets
•Ana: mops and/or polishes the floors/vacuums
•Ana: Changes the kids' sheets
•Ana: cleans the bathroom
•Ana: Dusts and deep cleans the kitchen
•Yard guys: Mow the lawn/Handle yard work
Wow, you guys really impress me. Our list is a little more lopsided, I think, which is in large part based on the fact that (1) I'm home much more than the husband is, and (2) he doesn't care about clutter -- so much so that I'm pretty sure he doesn't even SEE it. But there are two things he does reliably, and it might even make the lopsidedness worth it: (1) He does 90% of the cooking, and (2) 99.5% of the time he gets up early on the weekends to hang out with the kids while I sleep in. But still, I'm not going to post the rest of the list because it'll make me cranky.
Impressive Tanika, impressive. You and Lester amaze me. I think you left one more item off your list: (Tanika) document kids' development. Maintaining a blog, taking pictures, documenting...all of this takes time, time that you could be doing other things.
As for us, our cleaning lady was THE BEST marriage/couples counselor, bar none. ;) Early on in our relationship (prior to even marriage), we discovered it was much cheaper and more effective for us to outsource the cleaning than to go to couples counseling/therapy once a week. ;) And no one has to talk about his/her feelings. We are very fortunate that we are able to afford this.
Joking aside, our chores division process is ad hoc. The person who does it is the person most "harmed" (if you will indulge me) most by it not being done. A particular chore always matters more to one person...and consequently, that person is the one doing it. The other person might agree that it's important, but may have an attitude that if it doesn't get done, oh well.
You guys have a great system!
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