Today, Clair is 8-months-old. She's crawling, standing and even beginning to cruise. She is moving so fast, I can barely stand it.
But as she grows, and I compare her to the boys in terms of how much more she can do at this age than they could, I have also started thinking about how much less time she actually gets with us.
Ugh.
Particularly since she is almost always being edged out by her noisier, more demanding brothers, we almost never have time to just sit with her and read, read, read. Or sing and play individual baby games. Or just point out/narrate all the mundane stuff going on while we cook, eat, dress, and go about our days. Frankly, by the time we are wrapping up with C & D, we are SPENT. She gets a lot of love and hugs and a ridiculous overdose of kisses and tickles, but way less one-on-one chatter.
I was already slightly worried about this discrepancy. Then I read this article in the NYT.
These two lines in particular:
Children of professionals were, on average, exposed to approximately
1,500 more words hourly than children growing up in poverty. This
resulted in a gap of more than 32 million words by the time the children reached the age of 4.
As the education theorist E. D. Hirsch recently wrote
in a review of Paul Tough’s new book, “How Children Succeed,” there is
strong evidence that increasing the general knowledge and vocabulary of a
child before age 6 is the single highest correlate with later success.
And now I am freaked the funk out!!
You know me, people. I am synapse-nuts as it is! Reading this just sends me over the EDGE! And yes, I know technically Clair isn't a child of poverty. And yes, I know she has almost 5 and a half more years before she reaches age 6 (so I have a little bit of time). But still!!
STILL!
How come you people with "second' children (I count her as the second, because the boys are twins) didn't tell me that the second one gets such short shrift? And what can you do about it when they're just babies? And does it even out over time??
Can people please tell me stories about their second-born kids and how they're well-rounded/sweet-natured geniuses?
(P.S. Happy 8-months, Clairzee! We love you so much! We really do!!)
6 comments:
Dude, chill out. You forget that Clair hangs with Michelle all day. She's getting plenty of words. And don't tell anyone I said this, but Seth is a much more well-adjusted kid than William. He's not as sensitive, seems more intuitive, and does not have the anxiety that I managed to impart to William. :-)
Having many of same concerns over here - my daughter is almost 7 months, and she gets waaaay less one on one time then her 4 year old brothers did at the same age. In particular, she gets super short shrift on bedtime stories, tragically, because all three kids are sharing a room and there is often a hustle to get her down before her brothers come crashing into the room. I try to console myself that what she loses in undivided parental attention time, she makes up for in (lovely, but often incessant) big brother preschooler talk. Some days,it seems like that could be 32 million words right there, each and every day...
I do think it is the fate of subsequent children to need to be more adaptable and more easy going - happily many of them seem to rise to the challenge.
Ha! Pre-school talk = "32 million words right there." That is SO true! And yes, I suppose she IS listening when we're talking to them, so OK. I will try not to spontaneously combust over here. Thanks, Karen!
Okay, now you've freaked me the funk out. I had this same realization yesterday when I was giving Samantha a bath. When I have alone and quiet time with one of the babies, I revel in the silence. But with Zachary, I used to talk, talk, talk, just so he would get the exposure. Dammit woman, we're dooming our children to a life of mediocrity!
(Really, how do you write something like this and not think I'm going to join in your insanity?) :)
Hi Tanika, I have been following your blog for a little while through Laura's blog. I too have 2yr old twin boys (and admire you for having a 3rd child AFTER that!). When they were babies, I too was worried about how we never had time to read to them (our older son was 2.5yrs old when they were born). But they picked up a LOT of language from their older brother and actually talked earlier than our first child. We started incorporating reading into the bedtime routine when they were old enough to sit still for one book - which was not for a long time. I think you're doing the best you can and Clair will surprise you!
Let me start by saying Jace my second-born kid is a well-rounded/sweet-natured genius! She in no way suffered in the language department being the second child. In fact she is waaaaaaaaaaaaaay more verbose than her big sister.
And if that doesn't make you feel better just know that you may not be talking to her as much as you C&D, but to pick up the slack you have C&D talking. Trust me that little girl is surrounded by words. Of all the things you need to worry about, that I am positive is not one.
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