Giving your kids the best you can, Part 1

As part of his job, my husband is taking part in a springtime baseball tournament here between the city's public and private high schools. It's a really great idea, because the city public school kids get to play on the beautiful fields of the private schools, and against the well-heeled players who have more advantages (generally) than they. They also get exposure (scouts, newspaper write-ups, etc.) And both the public and private school kids get to experience new things and meet -- and have fun with -- new people. Win-win for everybody!

We've taken the boys to two rounds of the tournament, one on Saturday and one yesterday. Cary and Dean barely notice the games, and just love all the open space and the freedom to run and fall and people-watch. I love their little wind-chapped cheeks and grass-stained knees when we leave the baseball field. They are probably their happiest when we are outdoors. It does my heart good!

Seeing them out there, on high school fields, with all the high school boys, also makes me think about their eventual high school years, and the tough decisions we'll likely have to make (if we're still in Baltimore) about public vs. private school.

Lester and I both are products of public schools (though, coincidentally, we both also spent some time in Catholic schools as young children) and turned out just fine. We both believe in public education, and know enough to understand that the schools are only as good as 1) the taxbase supporting them and 2) the parents and community members involved and invested in them.

But the three school systems we're most linked to (the suburban Maryland system I graduated from; the D.C. system he graduated from, and Baltimore's, where we now live) are HORRIBLE. There's no other way to put it. They are deplorable. I just cannot see how we would ever send our kids to horrible schools, no matter what our political beliefs are about public education.

And the thing is, it's not just academics that we worry about (although that's first and foremost). Lester and I are both keenly aware of the power of the peer group. And we know that at a certain point, children demote the value of their parents' opinions in favor of their friends'.

That's why I always say, "It may be true that you can't pick your children's friends. But you can damn well try."

That means putting them in environments where they will be around people whose values are most like ours, whose outlook on life and leisure and hard work and integrity are most like ours. It doesn't mean we don't value diversity. We, of all people, know the importance of that. But diversity of race, income, religion, cultural background, etc. is something way different than diversity of core values. Unfortunately, most of the public schools in this area don't provide much diversity in either area, if I'm honest. So our choices as parents are really tough, and no matter what we decide to do, it won't be ideal. Something will be sacrificed.

Nevertheless, in addition to doing all we can to help give the boys a foundation at home of responsibility and love of learning, etc., Lester and I plan to do whatever we can to give them every advantage we can when it comes to where we live and where they go to school. We'd love nothing more than for that to mean public school (FREE school for three kids?!! Sign me up!) but if we can't find what we're looking for, we will live paycheck to paycheck and work really long hours and sacrifice vacations and dinners out and new clothes etc., to be able to send them to a private school that fits us and our ideals. It sucks. I know. But what choice do we have?

I know people will judge us. Some in our own families will, in fact. But we will do what we have to do for these children to give them every possible advantage. And then we will pray for God's help and protection. People can judge all they want.

Sadly, we know we will not be able to protect them from everything. The Trayvon Martin case -- which has blown up so big as to have even gotten a reaction from our nation's President -- reminds me of what my sons will face in this world, no matter what Lester and I do to try to prepare and shield them. And the way many people reacted to the fact that an adorable little black girl was cast as a beloved character in The Hunger Games movie shows me what my sweet little Clair will be up against as well.

Sigh. Sigh. Double sigh.

I'll need time to sort out my many feelings about that last paragraph in a somewhat coherent way.

So stay tuned for Part 2 of this post.