Working, playing, leaving a legacy

I got to hang out with my favorite girl this weekend, Miss Super Spunky Drives Me Crazy Cracks Me Up and Makes My Heart Soar girl.

(Sidenote: My parents visited on Sunday and at one point Dad says to me, "You are so enamored with Clair," which is the second time someone has said that to me. [The other was my mother, come to think of it, when Clair was a tiny infant.] Is it that obvious how much I adore this girl? Do I need an intervention?)

We went to her tumbling class and then to the mall to buy a gift for a friend of mine who recently got married.

She loves this ball pit o' germs.

Introducing her to food court Asian food!

While we were out spending Mommy-Clairzee time, Lester and the boys went to learn about "flying things" at Science Alive at Masonville Cove.

Dean, wearing the wings he and Lester made, and looking like a young Sidney Poitier, who, by the way, is one of Lester's favorite actors!

Our friends Antwyne and Mari unexpectedly brought their son Antony too! So the boys had a friend to hang out with, which makes me so happy. The more friends they see having fun with science, the more likely they are to think that science is cool, right? (Or so I tell myself.)

Antony and Dean bird-watching.

Checking out a bird's nest. Mari tells me the boys were none-too-pleased that the bird wasn't considerate enough to be home while they were shaking that tree.

And on Monday, I had a day off from work because Michelle was off. So after picking the boys up from school, we all went to a playground and to lunch!

Abby and Maya came with us!

She wanted to be gently pushed without stopping, to the point where she was ever-so-slightly falling asleep in the swing. LOL.

All this great time spent with my littlest loved ones made me think that being a SAHM mom wouldn't actually be so bad, IF we could afford it. The boys are 10,000 times less crazy than they were even a year ago at this time, when I would have stabbed you in the eyes with Bobby pins if you even suggested the idea of me staying home with the children. My Monday off with them moved so smoothly -- from drop-off to pick-up to bedtime dance party, rockin' out to the Jackson 5.

I was so much more relaxed and present all day. I think that was the nicest thing -- being actually present with them, instead of running on fumes and frustration.

Being at home would also be nice, because it would be good to get to do the things *I* want to do with the children during the day, instead of hoping Michelle will do them (which, most of the time, she doesn't.)

And it would be lovely to get to spend more than two hours a day with the children I actually prayed for.

But we are committed to sending our children to private school, for many reasons (which I promise I will get to in a dedicated blog post soonest), and to giving them a life of experiences that we believe will enrich them and improve their futures. And, while we are far from wealthy, we also hope that we can do more for them financially than our parents ever could, in terms of helping them pay for school, or buy a first home. By doing so, we hope the kids as adults will be in even better positions than we are, so that their kids will be even better off coming out of the starting gate. We want to leave a legacy that maybe our grandchildren will realize -- something that happens far too infrequently in the black community, sad to say it.

So that means Momma Gotsta Go To Work. (Cue Vanessa Williams' "Work to Do.")

So I'll cram a lot of fun and Mommy-and-me time into weekends and post-work-hours during the week, and trust that a little dance partying goes a long way.

Four heart-melting moments in the span of four minutes

Heading out the door this morning, I asked Dean for a kiss. He quickly obliged.

Then I asked Cary for one.

"No," he said. "I'm building a...." His voice trailed off. So engrossed in his Lego project, he could not even bother to finish his sentence, to explain why he would not be leaving the floor to kiss his poor old mother.

I dropped my head, poked out my lip and pretended to sniffle.

Cary ignored me. Dean put his hand on my arm and said, "Mommy? You sad?"

"Yes," I said, continuing to sniffle.

Dean turned and looked at Cary, with a disapproving face that made my heart melt. (Moment No. 1)

"TARRY!" he bellowed.

Cary looked up from the Legos.

"Mommy, what wrong?" he asked.

"I'm sad because I want you to give me a kiss, please," I said.

Dean continued to give Cary the stink-eye.

"Otay," said Cary, coming over and raising his face, with a little puckered mouth.

I leaned down and kissed him and then turned on my happy face. He smiled up at me.

"Don't be sad," Cary said. (Moment No. 2) He went back to his Legos. Dean stayed at the door.
 
"Mommy?" Dean said. "Don't be sad." (Moment No. 3)

I leaned down and gave my sweet, youngest boy another kiss. He stood at the door and watched me get in the car and drive away.

I waved to him from the moving car and from behind the glass screen I could see -- but not hear -- him say, "Good-bye, Mommy."

And it was that heart-melting moment (No. 4, if you're counting) that turned my pretend sniffles to real ones.

Back at work

I'm back at my desk, going through 100 million email messages.

I am fairly fried from a night of no sleep (Clair decided to regress -- of course! -- and wake up to eat and play TWICE last night; and I went to the NEW EDITION CONCERT! AND my brain was whirring a million miles a minute all night long).

 I also have no idea what is going on with any of my clients until I have a "download meeting" later this morning with my boss and my co-worker/friend who took over for me while I was gone. So I'm feeling totally out of sorts. Need more coffee. ASAP.

I have lots of things to relate about my last few days of maternity leave (zoo visit! closet clean-out! Cary misses me! Me-crying all day on Sunday! NEW EDITION CONCERT!) but I really do need to go through email and try to catch up somehow.

So I will try to post later, perhaps, if I have time. If not, then tomorrow!)

Meanwhile, I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

(Zzzzzzzzzzzz......)

Hello world! Bye-bye, Mommy

Finally got a little video of Dean waving!

(Of course, he decided to do it sorta spastically -- which is par for the course with him -- but you can get a glimpse here of an actual wave.)

Take note of how Cary mimics him a bit toward the end of the video. I can't get Cary to wave on his own, and he's also decided not to comply with my requests for him to clap, either. But if Dean waves, he'll sometimes follow suit.





They're sitting at the door, near my purse, work bag and lunch container, which is where they sit lately these days in the mornings while we rush around getting ready. I think they think if they can blockade the door, maybe I (or Lester) won't leave for work.

Inevitably, however, my exiting the door always ends in Dean crawling after me in tears.

:-(

Have I said already how much being a working mom sometimes sucks?

I got a nice note from a friend of LauraC's, Beth, who said it best when she said she likes working and she likes her job (same here, Beth!) so she wouldn't necessarily want to be a fulltime SAHM, but that it would be nice to stay home a little more with the little ones.

But she said she has made peace with making running errands "family time" and also with the fact that her house isn't white-glove-spotless. (Which my house has never, ever, ever been!)

I think that's pretty good advice and it's going to have to be the best we do right now.

Meantime, from my desk at work, I am saying "Hiiiiiii, Dean and Cary! Mommy loves and misses you!" And I imagine my little sweeties waving spastically back at me.

Girlfriends are the greatest!

About two months ago, my friend Jen wrote an e-mail to a few new moms, asking if we could get together and talk about the many challenges of attempting to find a work-life-mommy-marriage balance. Over waffles and cocktails at a trendy Midtown restaurant, we determined that there is no such Holy Grail. And in fact, people should stop calling it a "balance," dangit! It's more like a work-life-mommy-marriage unbalance.

From there, the Unbalanced Mommy Group was born.

Today we met again, this time with babies in tow, because a number of us couldn't get away without the kiddos. Which was actually cool, because the babies got to play with (more like near) each other, and we got to eat creme brulee French toast (made sinfully delicious by Jen!) and kvetch.

Here's a pic of some of the babies who were literally EVERYWHERE during our brunch:




We decided we'll meet this way -- one time with the babies; the next time without -- for as long as it's convenient and necessary.

I, for one, hope that's a long, long time, because I honestly don't know where I'd be without my girlfriends. I have many, from all points throughout my life. Some are married; some divorced or still looking. Some have teenaged kids or kids close to Cary and Dean's age; some have none at all. Some are former journalists like me; others had the sense enough to get real jobs. (Hahaha! Just a joke for all the journos). Some I talk to just about every day; others I wish I could talk to far more often. Each one brings something different to my life. But they are all various shades of awesome.

I love my husband, my family and my kids. But I can say that I am blessed to also have really good friends, both old and new, who I also love.

So even if you're not an Unbalanced Mommy, I want to give props to you, dear friends. So here's to: Desiree, Neelofer, Candice, Lisa, Laurie, Su, Jill, Kelly, Andrea, Naita, Lynn, Stacey, Stephanie S., Stephanie D., Monica, Juanita, Carla, Angel, Theola, Mari, Jen, Jessica, Sumathi, Shreya, Erin, Erika, Olivia ... and many others!

You all support and love me in so many ways, and I'm grateful to God for each one of you!

Since this is Show me the Mommy Sunday, here are pictures the incomparable Jen McMenamin took during our Unbalanced Mommies group:

I have no idea why Cary was fussing here; but Dean is enthralled with the balloons Stacey brought for the kids.


This is Dean's usual look; I love that Jen caught it.

Cary is still looking distressed, but at least you can see here what beautiful eyes he has. And LOOK at my Deanie's cute little smile. Don't you just want to eat him?!

Start the day shocked, end the day sad

Shocked: This morning, Cary was up on his knees, leaning over the edge of the crib, reaching for a bottle on the dresser. I had never seen him do that -- nor did I know he was even capable of it! I guess it must be time to lower the mattress in the babies' cribs.

Sad: Tonight when I came home from work around 5:45, both babies were extremely sleepy, and Cary was exceptionally so. Dean was hungry and cranky, so between the two of them, the fuss-factor was ratcheted up a notch. The boys get a bath around 6:15 and a final bottle right after. On this night, Cary was asleep by 6:45, and Dean by 7. So I got to see my boys for an hour, and an hour and 15 minutes respectively. That's it!! And they were crankypots a majority of the night.

Sometimes it really stinks being a working Mom.