Working, playing, leaving a legacy

I got to hang out with my favorite girl this weekend, Miss Super Spunky Drives Me Crazy Cracks Me Up and Makes My Heart Soar girl.

(Sidenote: My parents visited on Sunday and at one point Dad says to me, "You are so enamored with Clair," which is the second time someone has said that to me. [The other was my mother, come to think of it, when Clair was a tiny infant.] Is it that obvious how much I adore this girl? Do I need an intervention?)

We went to her tumbling class and then to the mall to buy a gift for a friend of mine who recently got married.

She loves this ball pit o' germs.

Introducing her to food court Asian food!

While we were out spending Mommy-Clairzee time, Lester and the boys went to learn about "flying things" at Science Alive at Masonville Cove.

Dean, wearing the wings he and Lester made, and looking like a young Sidney Poitier, who, by the way, is one of Lester's favorite actors!

Our friends Antwyne and Mari unexpectedly brought their son Antony too! So the boys had a friend to hang out with, which makes me so happy. The more friends they see having fun with science, the more likely they are to think that science is cool, right? (Or so I tell myself.)

Antony and Dean bird-watching.

Checking out a bird's nest. Mari tells me the boys were none-too-pleased that the bird wasn't considerate enough to be home while they were shaking that tree.

And on Monday, I had a day off from work because Michelle was off. So after picking the boys up from school, we all went to a playground and to lunch!

Abby and Maya came with us!

She wanted to be gently pushed without stopping, to the point where she was ever-so-slightly falling asleep in the swing. LOL.

All this great time spent with my littlest loved ones made me think that being a SAHM mom wouldn't actually be so bad, IF we could afford it. The boys are 10,000 times less crazy than they were even a year ago at this time, when I would have stabbed you in the eyes with Bobby pins if you even suggested the idea of me staying home with the children. My Monday off with them moved so smoothly -- from drop-off to pick-up to bedtime dance party, rockin' out to the Jackson 5.

I was so much more relaxed and present all day. I think that was the nicest thing -- being actually present with them, instead of running on fumes and frustration.

Being at home would also be nice, because it would be good to get to do the things *I* want to do with the children during the day, instead of hoping Michelle will do them (which, most of the time, she doesn't.)

And it would be lovely to get to spend more than two hours a day with the children I actually prayed for.

But we are committed to sending our children to private school, for many reasons (which I promise I will get to in a dedicated blog post soonest), and to giving them a life of experiences that we believe will enrich them and improve their futures. And, while we are far from wealthy, we also hope that we can do more for them financially than our parents ever could, in terms of helping them pay for school, or buy a first home. By doing so, we hope the kids as adults will be in even better positions than we are, so that their kids will be even better off coming out of the starting gate. We want to leave a legacy that maybe our grandchildren will realize -- something that happens far too infrequently in the black community, sad to say it.

So that means Momma Gotsta Go To Work. (Cue Vanessa Williams' "Work to Do.")

So I'll cram a lot of fun and Mommy-and-me time into weekends and post-work-hours during the week, and trust that a little dance partying goes a long way.

Confession

Confession:

Sometimes I am jealous of SAHMs.

I love my job; I really do. And I enjoy the work as much as I enjoy the idea of being a working woman and what it means for my future and what it communicates to my boys.

But at the same time, I read blogs like this woman's, and I start to feel a little bit cheated.

Don't get me wrong, I have made no secret about having moments of exhaustion, frustration, impatience, etc. when it comes to being the mom of twin boys. Heck, I even tried to sell one of my children on the black market!

But that doesn't mean that I wouldn't want more time to sing and laugh and play with them, do crafts and explore the outdoors, read to them and teach them things, eat at cool neighborhood cafes, go to Farmer's Markets and explain to them the importance of farming, run relays and dye eggs, and volunteer places and make mud-pies and play in the rain and on and on and on and on -- all in an effort to show them all that they can do and be. AND...just enjoy them, dangit!

I know I can do a lot of these things on the weekends and in stolen moments during the week, and I do and I will. I will do them even more as they get older and can actually "do" more things. But sometimes, I can't help but think how unfair it is that my basic interaction with them during the week is change them, feed them, kiss them, read one or two books, play with them (a little), GO TO WORK, kiss them, change them, read one or two books, feed them, bathe them, kiss them, put them to bed.

Grrrr.

OK, I'm finished my rant for the day. And I'll continue to read the Chasing Cheerios blog (and others like it) despite my green-eyed envy, because she seems really great and she has good ideas. I'll take 'em wherever I can get 'em.