Day 367 on Earth

Today is Day 367 for the Davis boys.

In that short period of time, the babies have proven themselves to be most awesome in so many ways. The latest:

Cary loves to laugh and talk. He is very verbal and can already "say" three words:

"dan" for fan
"nana" for banana
"poon" for spoon

Dean is as strong as a (baby) bull, and is destined to excel in something -- or all things -- physical.
He has a total quarterback's throw, and can bat at things with such accuracy, I think tennis might be in his future. He has somehow figured out how to pull Cary's highchair -- with Cary in it! That boy is strong!

Here's a video where you can see Cary's penchant for cracking up (he is so silly) and Dean's determination to master a task (in this case, "teaching" his toys to use the slide.)




These boys are SO much fun! I really think 12 months is the absolute BEST age so far.

For a little perspective ...

I thought I'd re-post these pictures from the babies' 2nd day on Earth:

http://lesterandtanikadavis.blogspot.com/2011/01/cary-and-dean-in-nutshell.html

They were soooo tiny!!

Awww, I'm all ga-ga today about my boys. Is it normal to be this much in love??

Happy Birthday boys! Momma has to go to a stinkin' work event, and you'll be asleep by the time I get home, but didn't we have a grand time today? So glad Daddy and I got to take the morning off to enjoy your big day with you!

Can't wait to spend the next year watching you grow! 'Cause this year sure has been a blast!

Happy 1st Birthday Cary and Dean!!

HAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPY BIIRRRRRRRRRRRTHDAY!!

Today was an AWESOME day!

The boys woke up at 7 a.m. (instead of 6:15 -- Cary!!!) so we got to sleep in a little.

We had a lovely breakfast together as a family instead of rushing around trying not to step on crawling or crying babies. Lester made a fruit salad. Deeeelish!

We put the boys down for a nap and then got ourselves ready for the day. Michelle arrived and immediately helped me start making my house not look a total wreck (thanks, Michelle!)

Then, my friend Jen McMenamin came over and took tons of gorgeous pictures of the boys and a few of all four of us. Dean refused to smile and Cary was desperate to get down on the floor and crawl, but I think she managed to get some good ones. She is a professional, after all.

We went to a field near us at Herring Run Park and Jen took photos of them in their new little red wagon! (iPhone photos...blah) The weather was PERFECT.


And then we let them play in the field some, but all they wanted to do was eat grass and buttercups. So we let 'em. Hey - it's their birthday!

For some reason, they thought grass was the most delicious thing. Who knew?

And then we came back to the house, stuck a candle in an apple muffin for each of them, sang the Happy Birthday song and then let them tear into the muffin. It was hysterical!



Michelle made them these adorable bibs! Aren't they sooo cute? And she brought over balloons too with each boy's name on them. Green for Cary; blue for Dean.

All in all, it was seriously like the best day ever! Can't wait to see these pics.

Happy Birthday to my beautiful, adorable, brilliant, hysterical, loveable, wonderful babies! You have made this past year the best of my life. And I thank God for the both of you!

Tomorrow is the big day! (A confession)

I would like to use this space today for confession.

Forgive me, bank account, for I have sinned.

When my boys were born, Lester and I agreed to be the kind of parents who believed in "less is more." We agreed that it was best to raise children who did not come to expect so many material things in life, but who were grateful for the few nice things we gave them. "Grateful" and "few" being the key words there.

So as their 1st birthday approached, we settled on a minimalist celebration. We'd have cake and ice cream at my Mom and Dad's with my sisters, brothers and their kids only. We'd eschew games, music, a big meal and most importantly a lot of gifts, for a few "Kodak" moments with family and a low-key, inexpensive day. But NOT a party.

I'm still doing well in the not-a-party department, even though I did buy a few party decorations, including hats for the boys, two balloons, plates, cups, etc.. But we're still gathering at my Mom's and the only folks outside of my immediate family who are invited are my cousin and her twin boys who are 6 months younger than Cary and Dean. I just couldn't leave them out. Those four boys are destined to be best of friends some day!

But the gifts...

Oh, the gifts....

About a month ago, I ordered a few books online, to add to their library. (Literacy is a big deal in our house, and we all know that reading creates synapses, my favorite thing!) I was so smug when I told Lester that was ALL Cary and Dean would get.

Then, my co-worker and friend bought a climbing toy for her son's 1st birthday (see pics from Hugo's first birthday party). I immediately knew that my boys would LOVE such a toy. So I ordered one from Toys R Us.

It's OK, I thought. One big toy for both of them isn't a bad thing. And the climbing is good for their development.

Later, I noticed a little red wagon with seats for two. I imagined pulling Cary and Dean around the neighborhood in the red wagon, and how much they'd love being able to see in front, on the sides and behind them, in a way they can't do in the stroller.

So I ordered one.

My plan was to give them the books to open at their not-a-party on Sunday at Mom's and the big toys would be available for their use at home on their actual birthday.

But then I thought, "Hmmm...they don't have a toy to 'open' on their actual birthday." So instead of just wrapping up one or two of the books, I ordered a little toy dog that yips and wags his tail when pulled, and one of those old-school xylophones that are ubiquitous in all American childhoods.

Let's re-cap: books, a climbing toy, a little red wagon, a toy doggie, a xylophone.

How exactly is that list "minimalist?"

Why did I feel the need for them to have toys to "open?" They have NO IDEA it's their birthday, or what a birthday is or that you're supposed to get presents or what "opening" said presents means or anything like that! They are a YEAR OLD. Cary thinks the fan's name is "Danh" for goodness sake!

What was I thinking? I'm so ashamed.

I need help. I really do. Not to mention, we're getting the boys' photos taken tomorrow by my good friend, Jennifer McMenamin, and that endeavor is costing us a GRIP.

So all in all, this birthday is turning out to be expensive as hell. And my confidence is a little shaky about our ability to raise grateful kids who don't feel entitled to so many things.

Next year, I'll have to do better.

Happy Day After Mother's Day!

I will never forget Mother's Day last year. My Aunt and cousins were in town, and my mother planned a huge seafood feast, complete with my favorite food of all time: lobster. Lester and I couldn't get to Mom's fast enough.

But I was heavy with two babies and downright miserable. I couldn't sit for long periods of time or stand without tiring. Climbing stairs was out of the question. And that day, I realized that eating was also a chore. I barely touched my bowl of sweet lobster meat, sprinkled with fresh lemon juice and soaked in melted butter. Mostly, I just laid on the loveseat in the family room, grumpy and uncomfortable. I couldn't wait for that coming Thursday, when I was going back to the doctor for my 35-week checkup, so the perinatologist could tell me if one of the babies was lodged under a rib and the other one stuck in my pelvis. 'Cause that is sure what it felt like.

My cousin -- who has three children -- watched me toss and turn on the loveseat, and said to me, "Honey, I hate to tell you, but you're not making it to Thursday."

I ignored her. I HAD to make it Thursday and to the following Thursday, too. I was determined to make it to 38 weeks, but if not, then 36 weeks was the absolute floor for gestation. Anything else would be a failure! I wanted that lobster, but if I had to suffer without it (and without sleep) for two more weeks for my babies' sakes, then I would do it!

Two days later, in the middle of the night, I woke with a start, feeling like I had wet myself in the bed. So I got up to go to the bathroom and water GUSHED down my legs and onto the floor. I screamed out to Lester, "Babe, wake up, my water just broke!"

As he rushed around getting the hospital bag (which was packed and ready for days) and calling the doctor, I stood in the shower, with my head against the wall and cried.

I was 34 weeks, 5 days. I hadn't made it to 38 weeks. I hadn't made it to 36 weeks. I hadn't even made it to 35 weeks!!! My babies weren't ready; they were too small, too young! I had failed as a mother -- and they weren't even here yet!

Later that afternoon, Cary was born at 4 lbs., 4 oz. Dean followed 90 minutes later at 4 lbs. 10 oz.
They stayed in the NICU -- mainly to eat and grow -- for two weeks and one week, respectively.
I worried about them fiercely! What would happen to them, having been born so early? Would they struggle? Suffer? I prayed that God would protect them and grow them, and help them develop normally -- despite my inability to keep them protected, growing and developing inside me.

Yesterday, my first Mother's Day, I looked at my two big, healthy, active, smart, hysterical babies and my heart smiled.

God had done it.

And I had not failed. These two precious nearly-1-year-old boys are proof positive of that.

358 Days of wonderfulness

The babies are one week away from being a year old. This means they have been on Earth 358 days.

And on Day 358, Dean stood up from a stooping position for nearly 5 seconds!! So exciting! I literally held my breath while he was doing it. He was so proud of himself. And I was so proud of him! He looked so strong, and so much like a big boy! He is my little athlete!

Kristie, the physical therapist, said Cary stood up twice on his own while she was here on Monday, but I have yet to see him do it for more than a fraction of a fraction of a second.

On Day 357, Cary explored a little blue tunnel I put in the living room and determined that he loved it! He crawls in and giggles on his way out to the other side. Sometimes he stops in the middle and peers out one of the net windows. (Dean's still not so sure he really wants to go in there, but he cracks up at Cary peeking out the windows). He is my little explorer!

I don't know if it's because they are turning 1 or not, but I really seem to notice more and more how they have grown and are maturing. I remembered today when they were newborns how nervous I used to be when I thought someone was burping them too hard, or causing them to startle. Now, Lester tosses them up in the air and they crack up laughing. He flips them upside down and they crack up laughing. They push each other down and fall and bump their heads and chins and knees, and somehow they are still alive.

I am impressed with Cary's penchant for all things auditory-related. He perks up when he hears music and can imitate many sounds. He absolutely loves to hear us read books out loud. He cracks up when Michelle does her funny voices. Already he can "say" words such as "danh" for fan, "boo" for "boom" (as in Chicka Chicka Boom Boom), "brrrm brrrm" - which is what a tractor says. He even mimics my father's gruff voice by growling when he hears me say the word "Granddad." Sooo smart!

I am floored by Dean's fierce affectionate nature. He loves giving us kisses and sitting on my lap. He hugs us so tight and clamors after Michelle when she comes in the house. Tonight, when I came in to check on a loudly-complaining Cary 10 minutes after they were supposed to be asleep, Dean popped up in the crib and grunted for me to come kiss him goodnight - again. Once I did, he laid right back down in the crib, grabbed Lovey the Puppy, and cooed. Sooo sweet!

In the coming days, I want to try to enjoy every drop of the last bits of wonderful infant-ness I have left in them. I can already see how quickly they are growing up and away. :-(

Happy May Day!

This was a busy weekend, but a really good one. Here's a list of all we accomplished:

Saturday

*Went to breakfast at a little diner; ate pancakes. Boys did sooo good at the restaurant! Pancakes were a hit with them, as were the fried potatoes. These boys take after their Mom. The babies also were a huge hit. Everybody in the restaurant came by to smile at them.

*Got the babies their first pair of real shoes! Pre-walkers from Stride Rite. I took them to a real store so they could get their feet measured. Despite my very fraternal babies being totally different in every imaginable way -- including size -- they both wear the same size shoe (4). Go figure.

Cary getting fitted:
Dean getting fitted:

Playing in their new shoes!

On our way out:



* Took the boys to Jos. A. Banks with Lester to get him new suits. Showed them a fountain in the mall.

* After bath and bedtime, watched a movie with my husband and snuggled in our bed.

Sunday

* Got up, went to Home Depot and bought flowers for my front yard. Then went to the grocery store. Did all that and got back while the babies were still napping. Yes!

* Took the babies to Hugo's first birthday party. They were cranky and clingy (new house, new people) and I was by myself because Lester had to work, so I only lasted about two hours, but we had fun. The boys ate quiche and watermelon and loved both! Also, turns out Hugo got the SAME new shoes! Awww.

Here they are playing at Hugo's house (before the whiny-ness set in):


*Put the babies down for nap No. 2 and immediately got started putting my flowers in the ground and in pots. It started to rain a little bit, but it was really satisfying to be out in the yard, digging, wet hair and all. Last year this time, my yard went to hell in a handbasket because I was HUGE and ridiculously uncomfortable.

* Washed all the boys' bedclothes because Lester went to get Cary up from nap No. 2 and discovered that he had taken his diaper off and pooped and peed all over everything. Even Lester. And also Lovey the Monkey. JOY!
I decided to wash Dean's stuff, too, because ...well, why not?

* Had a visit from a good friend, who was just in town for the weekend.

* Put away the babies' winter and too-small clothes. Dug out the shorts and T-shirts my sister gave me that belonged to Russy (that little boys had more clothes and shoes than J-Lo). Happy that I will have to buy them very few spring/summer clothes! Thanks Tahira!

* Watched ANOTHER movie with my husband!

All in all, this was a great weekend!

But somehow, I feel super guilty because I didn't make it down to the hospital to see my brother. So next weekend, I'm spending all weekend down that way. P.S. I heard his voice on Friday!! He said, "Hi Taneek!!!" BEST. DAY. EVER.

Shopping spree

Spring has sprung and that makes me feeling like having new things!

So yesterday, I bought the babies a big, shiny red ball and alphabet letters that will stick in the bathtub when wet.
I decided to give them the ball today, because it just looked like so much fun! I couldn't wait 'till their birthday.
I also bought them a bottle of bubbles for Michelle to blow with them during the day, outside on the porch. We showed them bubbles for the first time at my Mom's house this past weekend and they went crazy! So I know this will give them hours of outdoor enjoyment while Lester and I are stuck at work.
And I splurged and bought them little surfer-dude swim trunks! We have a blow-up bathtub we bought for the boys when they were newborns that didn't work well at all as a bathtub, but will work perfectly as a little pool on the front porch, or in the back yard.
Can't wait to see them in their little trunks!!
Oh, and I also bought them The Snowy Day in a board book, because they have snacked on the one we had so much, it's barely readable. Same is true for Good Night Moon, but I won't be giving them that new board book until their birthday.

Speaking of their birthday, it is now 14 days until Cary and Dean turn 1. Two exact calendar weeks.

As we approach their first birthday, I must share other random things about them.

Dean has been standing unassisted for up to 5 seconds at a time now. He only does it a couple times a day, but it is very exciting to watch!

Cary's love of books is so heartwarming. If he hears me reading a book out loud, he'll speed-crawl over to me, just to listen or help turn the pages. It's one of the few ways I can get him to come to me, since he flat out ignores my "Come'ere Cary! Come to Mama!"

Dean's favorite saying is "Unhdahg-unhdahg-unhdahgun." I have no idea what it is supposed to mean, but he says it with varying tones and inflections, as if he really is saying something important. I just repeat it right back to him, and we can carry on a conversation for several minutes this way. It's awesome.

Today, both boys patted their heads when I asked, "Where's your head?" But neither one tries to feed himself, points to objects, tries to help dress himself, says any real words, is attempting walking, can play pat-a-cake, nods yes or no, mimics what to do with a toothbrush, telephone or spoon, or makes animal noises.

According to the baby development articles I've read, babies this age should be doing all or some of these things by now. But guess what? I'm not freaked out by the fact that neither baby is doing these things. I know they WILL do them at some point, so there's no need to go crazy.

So, there's one thing I can be certain of as the babies creep closer and closer to age 1: At least one of us is maturing.

Things to know about Cary and Dean

Today starts the countdown to the boys' 1st birthday. It's now only 16 days away! Aaaaaah!
(There's no rhyme or reason as to why I started the countdown today, as opposed to say, 10 days away, or two weeks away. I just decided to start counting down today. I'm spontaneous like that!)

As we approach the end of infant-hood, there are a few random things I need to document about Cary and Dean.

Cary's second upper tooth broke the gums yesterday. So now the tooth count in our house is:
Cary = 2
Dean = 0

Dean is shaped exactly like his father! It is hysterical to see Lester's shape in miniature. Cary is shaped more like my Mom's side of the family, the Jacksons. Let's see how this holds up throughout their lives.

Dean refuses to eat anything that has to be chewed. Sigh.

Both boys love, love, love the ceiling fan in our bedroom, but Cary is fanatical about it. He cracks up when he enters our room and stares and stares. He calls the ceiling fan, "Danh," which sorta sounds like "Dan," but a little softer. Who knew the fan's name was Dan? Go figure.

Both boys have just last week started doing a "look-ma-no-hands" stance for about .5 seconds, before falling. Can standing on their own -- and then walking -- be far behind? Exciting!

The boys' cousins' ADORE them. They fuss over them and kiss them and smush their cheeks. They want to feed them and shove their bottles in their mouths. They try to pick them up incessantly. They stroke their hair and nuzzle their noses. The boys have never been so harassed as they were yesterday during Easter dinner. I found it adorable. Cary and Dean? Not so much.

Cary is a little more fearless than Dean. He gets into everything and explores corners and recesses of things we never knew existed. Dean is more cautious and is satisfied with one toy longer than Cary. But once Cary has ventured into a new place, Dean wants to go there. Once Cary has something, Dean wants it too. It's very cute.

(Here's a pic of Dean from yesterday looking longingly at a straw Cary has. Never mind that he has the SAME straw! Must. Have. What. Cary. Has!)


For his part, no one can make Cary laugh like Dean. Cary thinks Dean's very existence is hilarious. Sometimes all Dean has to do is make a sound, like "Eeeeeeeee!" and Cary cracks up. That's what happened in this picture here:


I am 16 days away from having two toddlers. (Does it still count even if they're not actually toddling?) Someone please send me a personal assistant. Thanks.

Happy Easter!

Today, I give thanks for the awesome love of Jesus Christ, for on this day He rose from the dead just for me (well, and all of humanity.) :-)

As a parent now, I really do get how great a love can be for a child, even that it might cause you to say you'd die for that child if you had to. But to die for children you've never even met? Children not even conceived? That's a love I will never be able to fully understand. But I am grateful, extremely grateful for it, and humbled because of it. I hope I can always live my life in a way that honors a love that great -- and that teaches our boys to honor it, too.






Today, we're having Easter dinner as a family at the hospital cafeteria, my parents, siblings, nieces, nephews, Lester, the kids and me. It won't be the best Easter cuisine we ever had, and Rashad, two floors up, won't be able to enjoy it with us. But at least our entire family will be together at Washington Hospital Center, celebrating this day of new life, resurrection and promise -- three words that speak to Rashad and his life more than any other words I can think of.

Pre-Easter Miracle! (And bonus video of laughing babies!)

Re-posted from an e-mail sent to friends and family today:

Friends and family,

I have not posted an update in a couple weeks, mainly because for awhile, not much was changing. Rashad was there, but barely so. His eye would open, giving us hope, but there wasn't much behind his rheumy stare.

And then, in the last week or so, Rashad started showing more and more signs of awareness. If you directed a finger at his eye, no longer would he just stare, unblinking. In fact, he began following us -- slowly and inconsistently -- but following us, nonetheless.

His grip got stronger and he'd squeeze more often on command. He would sleep most of the day and night, but grimace when the nurses cleaned his tracheostomy tube. Once, when a nurse pinched his toe, he subtly jerked his arm back, as if in pain.

And then one day, one blessed day last week, we walked into his room and his eye was clear as it ever was. He was AWAKE!
We could see him in there, plain as rain! My Mom gushed and loved all over him, and then asked him if he was OK. And Rashad NODDED HIS HEAD! She asked him if he was in pain and he NODDED HIS HEAD!

For those of you who may have missed my Facebook update earlier this week, that is the miraculous good news I wanted to share with you today: Rashad is awake. He is no longer in a coma. He is no longer unconscious! He is awake just like you or me! Our prayers have been answered.

The nurses are astounded! They have shared with us that when Rashad first came in the hospital, "no one would have bet a nickel that he was ever going to wake up again." It's clear the doctors didn't believe he would either. It's only in the last week that they ordered leg braces for him that are meant to stimulate the muscles and help prevent atrophy. Clearly, they thought he would never need those muscles again. Well, the Lord -- and Rashad -- has proven them wrong.

Thank God! (You know how people say that sort of absently? No, I really and truly mean thank GOD!)

And in the time it's taken me to get my act together long enough to send out this update, there's even more good news.

Rashad mouthed "Hi Mommy!" to my mother! (He also mouthed that to my Dad, but oh well!)
He mouthed "Hi baby" to his girlfriend, Cortney.
He can't say my name, but when I ask him if he knows who I am, he nods.
He can sometimes pucker when my Mom kisses him.
He moves his left arm so much that nurses have had to restrain it. (He's pulled out tubes!)
He can hold onto a little Nerf basketball, and even sometimes reach for it if it rolls onto his lap.
Cortney says he smiled yesterday when a friend in his room was playfully teasing him.
And when my Mom asked him if he could stick his tongue out, he did it! Slowly and wobbly, out his little pink tongue came!!
We all cheered like he had climbed Mount Everest. Which of course, he might as well have done.
Although he is still battling lung infections and scarring, the doctors have just about weaned him off the ventilator.
In fact, today, he is likely being moved to an Intermediate Care ward -- a sign that doctors no longer believe he is in "critical" condition.
That is wonderful, wonderful news! (Don't worry; we're taking all your cards and notes and stuffed animals with him to the new room!!)

Neurologically, however, we don't know what's really going on.
He is clearly agitated and frightened and confused. When we hold up a picture of his daughter, he stares and stares and stares, but he doesn't say her name. He doesn't consistently respond when we ask him questions, sighing instead, and turning his head away. And sometimes, he answers yes when he should answer no. His heart rate skyrockets when the nurses are cleaning his trache tube. He seems to have very little control of his movements.

The neurosurgeons have been largely silent about what they think about his progress. They seem not to want to give us hope that he will continue progressing. It's entirely possible, they've said, that Rashad may get better. Or he may stay this way -- childlike and barely mobile -- forever.

Once again, we refuse to believe that.

Rashad WILL get better and better. Day by day, week by week.

So even though we have happily spent the last few days rejoicing and praising God for His OBVIOUS miracle, it is now time again (just before Easter, no less) to get back on the prayer grind.

We want Rashad healthy and whole -- back home with his family, fully functioning physically and neurologically. So, if you have any prayer left in you -- please offer some up for him along those lines.

I can't thank you ALL enough for all the love you have given us during this time. I have never, ever felt so much a part of a community. Your goodness (truly) made me KNOW even during my darkest moments, that this was going to be OK. Thank you all for that assurance. I love you all -- and best believe you will be invited to the party we hold in his honor when he's back to normal again!

Praise God for all of you. God bless you! And, sincerely, thank you.

###

And now --what we've all been waiting for: Electronic proof of Cary's adorable silliness! And Dean's spastic, I'm-an-evil-villain laugh!




Now I ask you? What could be better than that note and these two laughing babies??

11-months-photos!

I haven't had much time to blog lately, as I spend a lot of my free time either at the hospital with my brother, or trying to spend time with the babies (as opposed to writing about spending time with the babies).

But Lester did manage to get some good photos of Cary and Dean the other day while I was at the hospital, so I'll just post them here for your viewing enjoyment. Look how big my 11-month-old munchkins are!!!

Cary is my silly baby.


But you can't tell that looking at this picture of Dean. Sillykins!


Cary loves to read books.



Dean loves to EAT books.


Obligatory bathtub pics! (Edited to remove predator-prone-parts.)




Daddy went a little crazy with the Aquaphor, but Dean is still a super-cutie. Look at that face!



And Cary has the biggest eyes ever. Can you say "heartbreaker?"



These pics are great, but I miss blogging. I miss my blog friends. Hopefully, I'll be able to get back to it in earnest really soon.

Today was a good day!

Today, my mother reported to the family that my brother, Rashad, for the first time responded to questions with a shake or nod of his head!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is SUCH good news, I cannot even tell you! I am exploding on the inside!

I can't wait to go down to the hospital tomorrow to see him!

Meanwhile, I asked Dean tonight where his head was and he grabbed a tuft of his hair!

And when I asked Cary to turn the light off (while holding him up to the light switch), he curled his little pointer finger and pulled the switch!

My children are geniuses!

Also, it was reported -- finally -- that "Your Baby Can Read" is a scam, which I have been telling folks forEVER.

And to top it all off, Lester decided to splurge tonight and go pick up crabcakes and shrimp po' boys from one of our favorite seafood joints.

Yes, today was a good day!

We start 'em early around here!

Yes, my babies have one tooth between the two of them.

But is it ever too early to teach good hygiene?

We think not.

First tooth!

Cary's upper right tooth came in yesterday.

Finally!
A tooth!

We think the left one is coming in, too. Lester said he saw it this morning, but Cary refused to let me even get a glimpse, so I cannot independently verify said second tooth.

But if Lester's eyes are correct, then that makes the tooth count in the Davis household:

Cary - 1.5
Dean - 0

I'll keep you posted as to how this goes.

(You can just barely see the tooth here! Look reallllly closely.)

Just another day in the playroom

Just so you can see the way the boys' hair has changed and grown, check out this March 19th video and compare it to the October video of them in their little green chairs:




See? Fuzzier and crazier, but still adorable.

Things to note in this video:

• Cary and Dean fighting over the Gap hat. Fighting is a multi-times-a-day thing in my house these days. Over everything!
• Dean trying to see the underside of the hat. Hysterical.
  
• Cary "reading."
• Dean being ultra-whiny (which is the norm for him these days. They've switched personalities!)
• Cary being a total ham whenever he sees the camera.
• The mess that is the playroom. Yes, that is laundry on top of the sofa. Who wants to make something of it?

11-months!

The babies turned 11 months yesterday. Seriously, where did the time go?

Last night, I was looking at a video of them when they were little, little babies, sitting in their little green chairs, twitching and struggling to hold their heads up. I called their names -- they didn't respond. There was drool on their little bibs. They were both fairly bald.

Today, Dean has figured out how to flip himself out of those little green chairs. They can hold their heads up, and pull themselves up on any fairly stable object (and some not-so-stable). They totally know their names (although they still don't always respond). They're not drooling hardly ever anymore, nor do they have the TEETH everyone told me was the reason why they were drooling so much back then. And they both have lots of hair, about which I'm writing.

Hair: What to do with it as we approach 1-year.

Cary has a neat mess of curls (you like that oxymoron, don't you?) on the top middle of his head. Dean has a head full of tight curls that fuzz out on the ends. I love my sweetie's hair, but in pictures, it always looks a fuzzy mess! I want to cut it for the Happy First Birthday pictures we're having taken on their birthday, because pictures last a lifetime people.
But Lester doesn't think we need to. And the thought of him sitting in a barber chair is mind-boggling. He's just a baby!!!!! How do people have 1-year-old children who are mature enough to sit through a haircut? I can't imagine it.

So I think maybe we'll wait on this one.

And honestly, his hair isn't really all that long, and it is manageable with hair products and a lot of brushing.

Which, is sorta funny because when I was pregnant and found out I was having two boys, I remember thinking, "Great! I won't have to do anyone's hair!"

Famous last words.

Here's the video of babies in little green chairs (please ignore my horrible attempts to sing...thanks). The computer says this was taken in October, which would make them 5 months old. I think they were actually a little younger, like 4 months, probably. But who am I to argue with the computer? Anyway, here they are, all floppy and twitchy and ADORABLE!!:

A swinging good time

Yesterday was so beautiful (80-degrees!), we decided to take the babies to a neighborhood park after work. Unfortunately, this park only has one baby swing, so we had to take turns. The babies actually didn't notice, but it meant I only have solo pictures of happy, swinging babies.

Dean leaned back in the swing, like it was a Lazy-Boy recliner:

Cary liked to lean forward. Go figure.


And just for good measure, a little video!


(For some reason, Cary seems to enjoy watching Dean swing more than Dean likes to swing. You can hear him laughing off to the side. Actually, Cary is constantly cracking up at Dean for no reason.)



(Why does my child still have a faux-hawk?)


Can't wait for more warm days and more outings with the boys!

Separation anxiety and schedules

I am trying to get back into some sense of normalcy, even though my life is completely upended and I feel at loose ends all day long.

But I thought I could take it one day at a time, and jumping back into blogging (about the babies) might help.

So here goes:

The boys will be 11 months on Apr. 11. They are totally cute and really hysterical at times, but I would be lying if I said this stage with them is a thousand percent easier.

Here's why:

Separation anxiety

Dean is in a MAJOR "Mommy" phase. If he sees me, he wants to be in my arms or on my lap, and nothing, nothing, nothing can deter him. Oh, the whining. It is truly epic. I thought it couldn't get much worse, but he's even gotten to the point where he wants me even when he doesn't see me! Since I have been gone a lot the past two weeks at the hospital with my brother, Lester has been a single parent essentially. He's done an amazing job, never once complaining (seriously, not even once), but he has let on that Dean has had times when he has been inconsolable while I was gone. Usually if he's hungry or sleepy, Lester said, and he's been busy with Cary or chores or various must-do things. But when I walk in the door, Dean takes inconsolable up a notch -- until I pick him up. Then, it's like someone hit the 'off' switch. Instant quiet.

Schedules

We are total SLAVES to the schedule!
When the babies were tiny things, the eating/sleeping schedule saved our lives. It really helped us to keep them doing the same things at the same time (for sanity), and also to get them sleeping through the night (for sanity and our own sleep!)
But now that they're older and we are really ready to get them out and about, we really feel hindered by the schedule. They're so used to the schedule, the boys want to eat and sleep at their familiar times, no matter what is going on. The eating part is sort of an issue, but workable with snacks and the fact that they can now hold their own bottles. The napping thing, however, is a real roadblock.
For months, they've taken a nap around 9:30 and then again around 1:30 or 2. We have learned to make sure we hang around the house until after their first nap, which is fine because we can never get our acts together before then anyway. But if we want to go anywhere or do anything, no matter what it is, the activity almost always runs well past their second nap.

And if Cary and Dean Davis don't have their second naps, they are miserable, whiny, clingy little monsters.

And of course, I have the only two children on Earth who don't really sleep well in the car. Dean sleeps a little bit better, but he always waits until 10 minutes before we get where we're going to drift off. Cary refuses to sleep at all. He thinks it's much better to complain - loudly - the entire ride.

And then...the babies go to sleep at 7 or 7:30 at the latest. By 6 p.m. they are DONE with the day. They want their bath and they want their bottles and they want to go to bed. Their OWN beds. STAT.

So this means that if we go anywhere, we have to leave after their first nap -- which ends around 11 or 11:30, get back to the house for a nap around 2, and then possibly we can head back out after that -- around 4 (after the nap has ended and they've eaten), only to be back by 6.

Careful readers will note that that is like 2 hours of safe-out-of-the-house time. Two hours! And not even consecutive hours!!

It makes us not want to even leave the house. Except we really want to leave the house.
(I'm getting a distinct Jimmy Durante urge to sing right now, but I will ignore that.)

Moms, anyone else ever have this problem? When does this get better? How come I see all these other parents out with their kids at all times of the day and night, and no one seems to be having a monstrous meltdown?

The latest on my brother

It's been a few days since I last checked in about my brother. There have been a lot of changes since this last post, so I'll try to relay it all chronologically. Here's my last e-mail update (and there's other news since this, which I'll get to later):

Friends and family,

Some of you may have heard this already; others may not. It is hard to say over and over, so I'm glad that I can write it down and communicate it this way.

On Tuesday -- a week to the day after the accident -- the doctors at Washington Hospital Center asked us to have a family meeting. We all gathered in the waiting room to hear what they had to say and to be able to ask questions.

Basically, we were given bad news and worse news.

The bad news is that Rashad has very serious lung issues. It appears that he may have aspirated stomach contents at the time of the crash, which essentially burned his lungs. On top of that, he is fighting his second pneumonia in a week. The ICU team believes that they can cure this lung problem, but it is very, very serious and will take time. Because of it, Rashad is not breathing on his own. He is tethered to a respirator for his very life.

The worst news came from the neurosurgery team. Because of Rashad's lung problems, doctors have not been able to do the CT scans they had hoped to do. So, medically, they have no new updates on his condition. But, professionally, they told us, based on experience and what they can see from Rashad's progress to date, they do not believe he will ever regain consciousness.

Of course we know that God will have the ultimate say. But that does not take the sting out of such a prognosis.

As of the hour I'm typing this, Rashad has been off of all paralyzing and sedation medications for close to two days. The neurosurgery team believes that if he was going to wake up, he would have done so by now. And until he wakes, there is really nothing more they can do.

They did not leave us with the impression, however, that we need to make a decision about his care right now. Dad suggested we wait to see what happens after the ICU team has a chance to heal Rashad's lungs. Perhaps simply the act of breathing on his own will help. We don't know for sure. But it's worth a shot.

The last two days have been the hardest in my family's existence. Since the accident, we have been waiting for Rashad to be medication-free, believing that he would awaken and begin the long road toward recovery, once he was no longer being artificially paralyzed and sedated. Now that the meds are stopped, and Rashad still has not moved, blinked, coughed or even breathed on his own, we don't know what to think.

Are the meds just not quite fully out of his system?
What WAS it that happened on Sunday morning? If he tried to open an eye and turn his head before, why is he so still now?
Does he just need more time? How much time?
Will he come back to us?

None of us has the answer to any of these questions. Only God does. But not one of us is ready to say that we are done fighting. Rashad is not brain dead, the doctors assured us. And his heart is still beating the strong and steady rhythm of a 24-year-old man. So he is still with us. And so we are trying to talk to him like he is still with us.

Kadija cracks jokes. Tahira holds his hand and rubs his skin. Haleem talks to him about whatever brothers talk about, in a booming voice meant to mimic normalcy. Mom reads him passages from the Bible and the letters and cards people have sent (Thank you soooo much to all of you who have done so!!)
Dad, who is up early every single morning to catch the doctors on their rounds, sits in a chair near Rashad's bed, talks to him about any and everything, and then dozes off in the chair, head lolled forward, snoring.
I told Rashad to hurry up and get out of that bed and get a haircut. :-)
It's bizarre to me that his hair is growing.
In fact, the wounds on his eyes and face and legs are healing amazingly well. I can't tell you how incongruous it is to watch my brother heal outwardly and think that he might not be healing in the brain.
So we simply choose to believe that he is.

It is Day 9 and Rashad is still with us. And God may very well bring him back to us. We continue to have faith in His power to make miracles happen. And we continue to wait.

Thank you for listening, and for caring...
_________________________________________________________

That was March 30.

On Friday, Apr. 1, there was a whirlwind of activity!!

My brother Haleem walked in his room, called his name, and Rashad opened his eye.
Later, when my Mom and sister were in his room, holding his hand, my sister mentioned Rashad's daughter and, in response, he squeezed her hand!

Did you hear that, people? He squeezed her hand!!

And when she asked Rashad if he wanted her to go get Haleem (who had left the room at this point), he squeezed her hand even harder!

By now, word had spread throughout the family waiting room that Rashad was responding. So a crowd gathered around his bed, cheering and crying as he moved first his left foot (slightly) on command, and then his left foot (even more slightly) on command!

The nurses eventually re-sedated Rashad because his blood pressure was shooting through the roof, and he was frightened and anxious (we think), and trying way too hard to breathe, so he was competing with his ventilator.

Since then, Rashad has shown little signs of progress. That was two days ago.

Talk about emotional highs and lows.

We're waiting to talk to the doctors to find out what, if anything, that episode means. We believe that he is in there, trying mightily to fight his way to consciousness. But we just don't know.

Since Friday, he's been completely still. His eye occasionally opens, but it never focuses, and often lolls around in his head, which makes me incredibly anxious and sad. The doctors and nurses seem to be making progress with the myriad other things that are in need of repair or attention on and in his body, and we're grateful for that, so grateful. But the biggest thing -- his brain -- is still a total mystery.

So, as usual, we have nothing to do but wait and pray.

What's really weird is that we still have to go on with our lives, somehow. My Dad goes back to work tomorrow; my brother went back to West Virginia to handle some things at his job. The nieces and nephews have to go to school, so they need to have clean uniforms and lunches packed. We have to grocery-shop and clean the bathrooms. I totally overlooked the fact that, at some point, Lester got a haircut.

Speaking of Lester, he has been so awesomely wonderful about being a solo parent these last two weeks as I have been at the hospital round the clock. But I know the babies have been knocked off center by the complete obliteration of the schedule and any semblance of familiarity. And I miss doing the nighttime routine, and playing with them. I just miss them. Period.

So I think tomorrow I will actually not go to the hospital, and instead stay home with the boys.

It will be hard to skip visiting him, but Rashad is so in love with his daughter (who told us this weekend, "My Daddy's car got smushed.") that I think -- no, I know -- he will understand.