Spring has sprung and that makes me feeling like having new things!
So yesterday, I bought the babies a big, shiny red ball and alphabet letters that will stick in the bathtub when wet.
I decided to give them the ball today, because it just looked like so much fun! I couldn't wait 'till their birthday.
I also bought them a bottle of bubbles for Michelle to blow with them during the day, outside on the porch. We showed them bubbles for the first time at my Mom's house this past weekend and they went crazy! So I know this will give them hours of outdoor enjoyment while Lester and I are stuck at work.
And I splurged and bought them little surfer-dude swim trunks! We have a blow-up bathtub we bought for the boys when they were newborns that didn't work well at all as a bathtub, but will work perfectly as a little pool on the front porch, or in the back yard.
Can't wait to see them in their little trunks!!
Oh, and I also bought them The Snowy Day in a board book, because they have snacked on the one we had so much, it's barely readable. Same is true for Good Night Moon, but I won't be giving them that new board book until their birthday.
Speaking of their birthday, it is now 14 days until Cary and Dean turn 1. Two exact calendar weeks.
As we approach their first birthday, I must share other random things about them.
Dean has been standing unassisted for up to 5 seconds at a time now. He only does it a couple times a day, but it is very exciting to watch!
Cary's love of books is so heartwarming. If he hears me reading a book out loud, he'll speed-crawl over to me, just to listen or help turn the pages. It's one of the few ways I can get him to come to me, since he flat out ignores my "Come'ere Cary! Come to Mama!"
Dean's favorite saying is "Unhdahg-unhdahg-unhdahgun." I have no idea what it is supposed to mean, but he says it with varying tones and inflections, as if he really is saying something important. I just repeat it right back to him, and we can carry on a conversation for several minutes this way. It's awesome.
Today, both boys patted their heads when I asked, "Where's your head?" But neither one tries to feed himself, points to objects, tries to help dress himself, says any real words, is attempting walking, can play pat-a-cake, nods yes or no, mimics what to do with a toothbrush, telephone or spoon, or makes animal noises.
According to the baby development articles I've read, babies this age should be doing all or some of these things by now. But guess what? I'm not freaked out by the fact that neither baby is doing these things. I know they WILL do them at some point, so there's no need to go crazy.
So, there's one thing I can be certain of as the babies creep closer and closer to age 1: At least one of us is maturing.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
Things to know about Cary and Dean
Today starts the countdown to the boys' 1st birthday. It's now only 16 days away! Aaaaaah!
(There's no rhyme or reason as to why I started the countdown today, as opposed to say, 10 days away, or two weeks away. I just decided to start counting down today. I'm spontaneous like that!)
As we approach the end of infant-hood, there are a few random things I need to document about Cary and Dean.
Cary's second upper tooth broke the gums yesterday. So now the tooth count in our house is:
Cary = 2
Dean = 0
Dean is shaped exactly like his father! It is hysterical to see Lester's shape in miniature. Cary is shaped more like my Mom's side of the family, the Jacksons. Let's see how this holds up throughout their lives.
Dean refuses to eat anything that has to be chewed. Sigh.
Both boys love, love, love the ceiling fan in our bedroom, but Cary is fanatical about it. He cracks up when he enters our room and stares and stares. He calls the ceiling fan, "Danh," which sorta sounds like "Dan," but a little softer. Who knew the fan's name was Dan? Go figure.
Both boys have just last week started doing a "look-ma-no-hands" stance for about .5 seconds, before falling. Can standing on their own -- and then walking -- be far behind? Exciting!
The boys' cousins' ADORE them. They fuss over them and kiss them and smush their cheeks. They want to feed them and shove their bottles in their mouths. They try to pick them up incessantly. They stroke their hair and nuzzle their noses. The boys have never been so harassed as they were yesterday during Easter dinner. I found it adorable. Cary and Dean? Not so much.
Cary is a little more fearless than Dean. He gets into everything and explores corners and recesses of things we never knew existed. Dean is more cautious and is satisfied with one toy longer than Cary. But once Cary has ventured into a new place, Dean wants to go there. Once Cary has something, Dean wants it too. It's very cute.
(Here's a pic of Dean from yesterday looking longingly at a straw Cary has. Never mind that he has the SAME straw! Must. Have. What. Cary. Has!)
For his part, no one can make Cary laugh like Dean. Cary thinks Dean's very existence is hilarious. Sometimes all Dean has to do is make a sound, like "Eeeeeeeee!" and Cary cracks up. That's what happened in this picture here:
I am 16 days away from having two toddlers. (Does it still count even if they're not actually toddling?) Someone please send me a personal assistant. Thanks.
(There's no rhyme or reason as to why I started the countdown today, as opposed to say, 10 days away, or two weeks away. I just decided to start counting down today. I'm spontaneous like that!)
As we approach the end of infant-hood, there are a few random things I need to document about Cary and Dean.
Cary's second upper tooth broke the gums yesterday. So now the tooth count in our house is:
Cary = 2
Dean = 0
Dean is shaped exactly like his father! It is hysterical to see Lester's shape in miniature. Cary is shaped more like my Mom's side of the family, the Jacksons. Let's see how this holds up throughout their lives.
Dean refuses to eat anything that has to be chewed. Sigh.
Both boys love, love, love the ceiling fan in our bedroom, but Cary is fanatical about it. He cracks up when he enters our room and stares and stares. He calls the ceiling fan, "Danh," which sorta sounds like "Dan," but a little softer. Who knew the fan's name was Dan? Go figure.
Both boys have just last week started doing a "look-ma-no-hands" stance for about .5 seconds, before falling. Can standing on their own -- and then walking -- be far behind? Exciting!
The boys' cousins' ADORE them. They fuss over them and kiss them and smush their cheeks. They want to feed them and shove their bottles in their mouths. They try to pick them up incessantly. They stroke their hair and nuzzle their noses. The boys have never been so harassed as they were yesterday during Easter dinner. I found it adorable. Cary and Dean? Not so much.
Cary is a little more fearless than Dean. He gets into everything and explores corners and recesses of things we never knew existed. Dean is more cautious and is satisfied with one toy longer than Cary. But once Cary has ventured into a new place, Dean wants to go there. Once Cary has something, Dean wants it too. It's very cute.
(Here's a pic of Dean from yesterday looking longingly at a straw Cary has. Never mind that he has the SAME straw! Must. Have. What. Cary. Has!)
For his part, no one can make Cary laugh like Dean. Cary thinks Dean's very existence is hilarious. Sometimes all Dean has to do is make a sound, like "Eeeeeeeee!" and Cary cracks up. That's what happened in this picture here:
I am 16 days away from having two toddlers. (Does it still count even if they're not actually toddling?) Someone please send me a personal assistant. Thanks.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Happy Easter!
Today, I give thanks for the awesome love of Jesus Christ, for on this day He rose from the dead just for me (well, and all of humanity.) :-)
As a parent now, I really do get how great a love can be for a child, even that it might cause you to say you'd die for that child if you had to. But to die for children you've never even met? Children not even conceived? That's a love I will never be able to fully understand. But I am grateful, extremely grateful for it, and humbled because of it. I hope I can always live my life in a way that honors a love that great -- and that teaches our boys to honor it, too.
Today, we're having Easter dinner as a family at the hospital cafeteria, my parents, siblings, nieces, nephews, Lester, the kids and me. It won't be the best Easter cuisine we ever had, and Rashad, two floors up, won't be able to enjoy it with us. But at least our entire family will be together at Washington Hospital Center, celebrating this day of new life, resurrection and promise -- three words that speak to Rashad and his life more than any other words I can think of.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Pre-Easter Miracle! (And bonus video of laughing babies!)
Re-posted from an e-mail sent to friends and family today:
Friends and family,
I have not posted an update in a couple weeks, mainly because for awhile, not much was changing. Rashad was there, but barely so. His eye would open, giving us hope, but there wasn't much behind his rheumy stare.
And then, in the last week or so, Rashad started showing more and more signs of awareness. If you directed a finger at his eye, no longer would he just stare, unblinking. In fact, he began following us -- slowly and inconsistently -- but following us, nonetheless.
His grip got stronger and he'd squeeze more often on command. He would sleep most of the day and night, but grimace when the nurses cleaned his tracheostomy tube. Once, when a nurse pinched his toe, he subtly jerked his arm back, as if in pain.
And then one day, one blessed day last week, we walked into his room and his eye was clear as it ever was. He was AWAKE!
We could see him in there, plain as rain! My Mom gushed and loved all over him, and then asked him if he was OK. And Rashad NODDED HIS HEAD! She asked him if he was in pain and he NODDED HIS HEAD!
For those of you who may have missed my Facebook update earlier this week, that is the miraculous good news I wanted to share with you today: Rashad is awake. He is no longer in a coma. He is no longer unconscious! He is awake just like you or me! Our prayers have been answered.
The nurses are astounded! They have shared with us that when Rashad first came in the hospital, "no one would have bet a nickel that he was ever going to wake up again." It's clear the doctors didn't believe he would either. It's only in the last week that they ordered leg braces for him that are meant to stimulate the muscles and help prevent atrophy. Clearly, they thought he would never need those muscles again. Well, the Lord -- and Rashad -- has proven them wrong.
Thank God! (You know how people say that sort of absently? No, I really and truly mean thank GOD!)
And in the time it's taken me to get my act together long enough to send out this update, there's even more good news.
Rashad mouthed "Hi Mommy!" to my mother! (He also mouthed that to my Dad, but oh well!)
He mouthed "Hi baby" to his girlfriend, Cortney.
He can't say my name, but when I ask him if he knows who I am, he nods.
He can sometimes pucker when my Mom kisses him.
He moves his left arm so much that nurses have had to restrain it. (He's pulled out tubes!)
He can hold onto a little Nerf basketball, and even sometimes reach for it if it rolls onto his lap.
Cortney says he smiled yesterday when a friend in his room was playfully teasing him.
And when my Mom asked him if he could stick his tongue out, he did it! Slowly and wobbly, out his little pink tongue came!!
We all cheered like he had climbed Mount Everest. Which of course, he might as well have done.
Although he is still battling lung infections and scarring, the doctors have just about weaned him off the ventilator.
In fact, today, he is likely being moved to an Intermediate Care ward -- a sign that doctors no longer believe he is in "critical" condition.
That is wonderful, wonderful news! (Don't worry; we're taking all your cards and notes and stuffed animals with him to the new room!!)
Neurologically, however, we don't know what's really going on.
He is clearly agitated and frightened and confused. When we hold up a picture of his daughter, he stares and stares and stares, but he doesn't say her name. He doesn't consistently respond when we ask him questions, sighing instead, and turning his head away. And sometimes, he answers yes when he should answer no. His heart rate skyrockets when the nurses are cleaning his trache tube. He seems to have very little control of his movements.
The neurosurgeons have been largely silent about what they think about his progress. They seem not to want to give us hope that he will continue progressing. It's entirely possible, they've said, that Rashad may get better. Or he may stay this way -- childlike and barely mobile -- forever.
Once again, we refuse to believe that.
Rashad WILL get better and better. Day by day, week by week.
So even though we have happily spent the last few days rejoicing and praising God for His OBVIOUS miracle, it is now time again (just before Easter, no less) to get back on the prayer grind.
We want Rashad healthy and whole -- back home with his family, fully functioning physically and neurologically. So, if you have any prayer left in you -- please offer some up for him along those lines.
I can't thank you ALL enough for all the love you have given us during this time. I have never, ever felt so much a part of a community. Your goodness (truly) made me KNOW even during my darkest moments, that this was going to be OK. Thank you all for that assurance. I love you all -- and best believe you will be invited to the party we hold in his honor when he's back to normal again!
Praise God for all of you. God bless you! And, sincerely, thank you.
And now --what we've all been waiting for: Electronic proof of Cary's adorable silliness! And Dean's spastic, I'm-an-evil-villain laugh!
Now I ask you? What could be better than that note and these two laughing babies??
Friends and family,
I have not posted an update in a couple weeks, mainly because for awhile, not much was changing. Rashad was there, but barely so. His eye would open, giving us hope, but there wasn't much behind his rheumy stare.
And then, in the last week or so, Rashad started showing more and more signs of awareness. If you directed a finger at his eye, no longer would he just stare, unblinking. In fact, he began following us -- slowly and inconsistently -- but following us, nonetheless.
His grip got stronger and he'd squeeze more often on command. He would sleep most of the day and night, but grimace when the nurses cleaned his tracheostomy tube. Once, when a nurse pinched his toe, he subtly jerked his arm back, as if in pain.
And then one day, one blessed day last week, we walked into his room and his eye was clear as it ever was. He was AWAKE!
We could see him in there, plain as rain! My Mom gushed and loved all over him, and then asked him if he was OK. And Rashad NODDED HIS HEAD! She asked him if he was in pain and he NODDED HIS HEAD!
For those of you who may have missed my Facebook update earlier this week, that is the miraculous good news I wanted to share with you today: Rashad is awake. He is no longer in a coma. He is no longer unconscious! He is awake just like you or me! Our prayers have been answered.
The nurses are astounded! They have shared with us that when Rashad first came in the hospital, "no one would have bet a nickel that he was ever going to wake up again." It's clear the doctors didn't believe he would either. It's only in the last week that they ordered leg braces for him that are meant to stimulate the muscles and help prevent atrophy. Clearly, they thought he would never need those muscles again. Well, the Lord -- and Rashad -- has proven them wrong.
Thank God! (You know how people say that sort of absently? No, I really and truly mean thank GOD!)
And in the time it's taken me to get my act together long enough to send out this update, there's even more good news.
Rashad mouthed "Hi Mommy!" to my mother! (He also mouthed that to my Dad, but oh well!)
He mouthed "Hi baby" to his girlfriend, Cortney.
He can't say my name, but when I ask him if he knows who I am, he nods.
He can sometimes pucker when my Mom kisses him.
He moves his left arm so much that nurses have had to restrain it. (He's pulled out tubes!)
He can hold onto a little Nerf basketball, and even sometimes reach for it if it rolls onto his lap.
Cortney says he smiled yesterday when a friend in his room was playfully teasing him.
And when my Mom asked him if he could stick his tongue out, he did it! Slowly and wobbly, out his little pink tongue came!!
We all cheered like he had climbed Mount Everest. Which of course, he might as well have done.
Although he is still battling lung infections and scarring, the doctors have just about weaned him off the ventilator.
In fact, today, he is likely being moved to an Intermediate Care ward -- a sign that doctors no longer believe he is in "critical" condition.
That is wonderful, wonderful news! (Don't worry; we're taking all your cards and notes and stuffed animals with him to the new room!!)
Neurologically, however, we don't know what's really going on.
He is clearly agitated and frightened and confused. When we hold up a picture of his daughter, he stares and stares and stares, but he doesn't say her name. He doesn't consistently respond when we ask him questions, sighing instead, and turning his head away. And sometimes, he answers yes when he should answer no. His heart rate skyrockets when the nurses are cleaning his trache tube. He seems to have very little control of his movements.
The neurosurgeons have been largely silent about what they think about his progress. They seem not to want to give us hope that he will continue progressing. It's entirely possible, they've said, that Rashad may get better. Or he may stay this way -- childlike and barely mobile -- forever.
Once again, we refuse to believe that.
Rashad WILL get better and better. Day by day, week by week.
So even though we have happily spent the last few days rejoicing and praising God for His OBVIOUS miracle, it is now time again (just before Easter, no less) to get back on the prayer grind.
We want Rashad healthy and whole -- back home with his family, fully functioning physically and neurologically. So, if you have any prayer left in you -- please offer some up for him along those lines.
I can't thank you ALL enough for all the love you have given us during this time. I have never, ever felt so much a part of a community. Your goodness (truly) made me KNOW even during my darkest moments, that this was going to be OK. Thank you all for that assurance. I love you all -- and best believe you will be invited to the party we hold in his honor when he's back to normal again!
Praise God for all of you. God bless you! And, sincerely, thank you.
###
And now --what we've all been waiting for: Electronic proof of Cary's adorable silliness! And Dean's spastic, I'm-an-evil-villain laugh!
Now I ask you? What could be better than that note and these two laughing babies??
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
11-months-photos!
I haven't had much time to blog lately, as I spend a lot of my free time either at the hospital with my brother, or trying to spend time with the babies (as opposed to writing about spending time with the babies).
But Lester did manage to get some good photos of Cary and Dean the other day while I was at the hospital, so I'll just post them here for your viewing enjoyment. Look how big my 11-month-old munchkins are!!!
Cary is my silly baby.
But you can't tell that looking at this picture of Dean. Sillykins!
Cary loves to read books.
Dean loves to EAT books.
Obligatory bathtub pics! (Edited to remove predator-prone-parts.)
Daddy went a little crazy with the Aquaphor, but Dean is still a super-cutie. Look at that face!
And Cary has the biggest eyes ever. Can you say "heartbreaker?"
These pics are great, but I miss blogging. I miss my blog friends. Hopefully, I'll be able to get back to it in earnest really soon.
But Lester did manage to get some good photos of Cary and Dean the other day while I was at the hospital, so I'll just post them here for your viewing enjoyment. Look how big my 11-month-old munchkins are!!!
Cary is my silly baby.
But you can't tell that looking at this picture of Dean. Sillykins!
Cary loves to read books.
Dean loves to EAT books.
Obligatory bathtub pics! (Edited to remove predator-prone-parts.)
Daddy went a little crazy with the Aquaphor, but Dean is still a super-cutie. Look at that face!
And Cary has the biggest eyes ever. Can you say "heartbreaker?"
These pics are great, but I miss blogging. I miss my blog friends. Hopefully, I'll be able to get back to it in earnest really soon.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Today was a good day!
Today, my mother reported to the family that my brother, Rashad, for the first time responded to questions with a shake or nod of his head!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is SUCH good news, I cannot even tell you! I am exploding on the inside!
I can't wait to go down to the hospital tomorrow to see him!
Meanwhile, I asked Dean tonight where his head was and he grabbed a tuft of his hair!
And when I asked Cary to turn the light off (while holding him up to the light switch), he curled his little pointer finger and pulled the switch!
My children are geniuses!
Also, it was reported -- finally -- that "Your Baby Can Read" is a scam, which I have been telling folks forEVER.
And to top it all off, Lester decided to splurge tonight and go pick up crabcakes and shrimp po' boys from one of our favorite seafood joints.
Yes, today was a good day!
This is SUCH good news, I cannot even tell you! I am exploding on the inside!
I can't wait to go down to the hospital tomorrow to see him!
Meanwhile, I asked Dean tonight where his head was and he grabbed a tuft of his hair!
And when I asked Cary to turn the light off (while holding him up to the light switch), he curled his little pointer finger and pulled the switch!
My children are geniuses!
Also, it was reported -- finally -- that "Your Baby Can Read" is a scam, which I have been telling folks forEVER.
And to top it all off, Lester decided to splurge tonight and go pick up crabcakes and shrimp po' boys from one of our favorite seafood joints.
Yes, today was a good day!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
We start 'em early around here!
Yes, my babies have one tooth between the two of them.
But is it ever too early to teach good hygiene?
We think not.
But is it ever too early to teach good hygiene?
We think not.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
First tooth!
Cary's upper right tooth came in yesterday.
Finally!
A tooth!
We think the left one is coming in, too. Lester said he saw it this morning, but Cary refused to let me even get a glimpse, so I cannot independently verify said second tooth.
But if Lester's eyes are correct, then that makes the tooth count in the Davis household:
Cary - 1.5
Dean - 0
I'll keep you posted as to how this goes.
(You can just barely see the tooth here! Look reallllly closely.)
Finally!
A tooth!
We think the left one is coming in, too. Lester said he saw it this morning, but Cary refused to let me even get a glimpse, so I cannot independently verify said second tooth.
But if Lester's eyes are correct, then that makes the tooth count in the Davis household:
Cary - 1.5
Dean - 0
I'll keep you posted as to how this goes.
(You can just barely see the tooth here! Look reallllly closely.)
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Just another day in the playroom
Just so you can see the way the boys' hair has changed and grown, check out this March 19th video and compare it to the October video of them in their little green chairs:
See? Fuzzier and crazier, but still adorable.
Things to note in this video:
See? Fuzzier and crazier, but still adorable.
Things to note in this video:
- Cary and Dean fighting over the Gap hat. Fighting is a multi-times-a-day thing in my house these days. Over everything!
- Dean trying to see the underside of the hat. Hysterical.
- Cary "reading."
- Dean being ultra-whiny (which is the norm for him these days. They've switched personalities!)
- Cary being a total ham whenever he sees the camera.
- The mess that is the playroom. Yes, that is laundry on top of the sofa. Who wants to make something of it?
11-months!
The babies turned 11 months yesterday. Seriously, where did the time go?
Last night, I was looking at a video of them when they were little, little babies, sitting in their little green chairs, twitching and struggling to hold their heads up. I called their names -- they didn't respond. There was drool on their little bibs. They were both fairly bald.
Today, Dean has figured out how to flip himself out of those little green chairs. They can hold their heads up, and pull themselves up on any fairly stable object (and some not-so-stable). They totally know their names (although they still don't always respond). They're not drooling hardly ever anymore, nor do they have the TEETH everyone told me was the reason why they were drooling so much back then. And they both have lots of hair, about which I'm writing.
Hair: What to do with it as we approach 1-year.
Cary has a neat mess of curls (you like that oxymoron, don't you?) on the top middle of his head. Dean has a head full of tight curls that fuzz out on the ends. I love my sweetie's hair, but in pictures, it always looks a fuzzy mess! I want to cut it for the Happy First Birthday pictures we're having taken on their birthday, because pictures last a lifetime people.
But Lester doesn't think we need to. And the thought of him sitting in a barber chair is mind-boggling. He's just a baby!!!!! How do people have 1-year-old children who are mature enough to sit through a haircut? I can't imagine it.
So I think maybe we'll wait on this one.
And honestly, his hair isn't really all that long, and it is manageable with hair products and a lot of brushing.
Which, is sorta funny because when I was pregnant and found out I was having two boys, I remember thinking, "Great! I won't have to do anyone's hair!"
Famous last words.
Here's the video of babies in little green chairs (please ignore my horrible attempts to sing...thanks). The computer says this was taken in October, which would make them 5 months old. I think they were actually a little younger, like 4 months, probably. But who am I to argue with the computer? Anyway, here they are, all floppy and twitchy and ADORABLE!!:
Last night, I was looking at a video of them when they were little, little babies, sitting in their little green chairs, twitching and struggling to hold their heads up. I called their names -- they didn't respond. There was drool on their little bibs. They were both fairly bald.
Today, Dean has figured out how to flip himself out of those little green chairs. They can hold their heads up, and pull themselves up on any fairly stable object (and some not-so-stable). They totally know their names (although they still don't always respond). They're not drooling hardly ever anymore, nor do they have the TEETH everyone told me was the reason why they were drooling so much back then. And they both have lots of hair, about which I'm writing.
Hair: What to do with it as we approach 1-year.
Cary has a neat mess of curls (you like that oxymoron, don't you?) on the top middle of his head. Dean has a head full of tight curls that fuzz out on the ends. I love my sweetie's hair, but in pictures, it always looks a fuzzy mess! I want to cut it for the Happy First Birthday pictures we're having taken on their birthday, because pictures last a lifetime people.
But Lester doesn't think we need to. And the thought of him sitting in a barber chair is mind-boggling. He's just a baby!!!!! How do people have 1-year-old children who are mature enough to sit through a haircut? I can't imagine it.
So I think maybe we'll wait on this one.
And honestly, his hair isn't really all that long, and it is manageable with hair products and a lot of brushing.
Which, is sorta funny because when I was pregnant and found out I was having two boys, I remember thinking, "Great! I won't have to do anyone's hair!"
Famous last words.
Here's the video of babies in little green chairs (please ignore my horrible attempts to sing...thanks). The computer says this was taken in October, which would make them 5 months old. I think they were actually a little younger, like 4 months, probably. But who am I to argue with the computer? Anyway, here they are, all floppy and twitchy and ADORABLE!!:
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
A swinging good time
Yesterday was so beautiful (80-degrees!), we decided to take the babies to a neighborhood park after work. Unfortunately, this park only has one baby swing, so we had to take turns. The babies actually didn't notice, but it meant I only have solo pictures of happy, swinging babies.
Dean leaned back in the swing, like it was a Lazy-Boy recliner:
Cary liked to lean forward. Go figure.
And just for good measure, a little video!
(For some reason, Cary seems to enjoy watching Dean swing more than Dean likes to swing. You can hear him laughing off to the side. Actually, Cary is constantly cracking up at Dean for no reason.)
(Why does my child still have a faux-hawk?)
Can't wait for more warm days and more outings with the boys!
Dean leaned back in the swing, like it was a Lazy-Boy recliner:
Cary liked to lean forward. Go figure.
And just for good measure, a little video!
(For some reason, Cary seems to enjoy watching Dean swing more than Dean likes to swing. You can hear him laughing off to the side. Actually, Cary is constantly cracking up at Dean for no reason.)
(Why does my child still have a faux-hawk?)
Can't wait for more warm days and more outings with the boys!
Monday, April 4, 2011
Separation anxiety and schedules
I am trying to get back into some sense of normalcy, even though my life is completely upended and I feel at loose ends all day long.
But I thought I could take it one day at a time, and jumping back into blogging (about the babies) might help.
So here goes:
The boys will be 11 months on Apr. 11. They are totally cute and really hysterical at times, but I would be lying if I said this stage with them is a thousand percent easier.
Here's why:
Separation anxiety
Dean is in a MAJOR "Mommy" phase. If he sees me, he wants to be in my arms or on my lap, and nothing, nothing, nothing can deter him. Oh, the whining. It is truly epic. I thought it couldn't get much worse, but he's even gotten to the point where he wants me even when he doesn't see me! Since I have been gone a lot the past two weeks at the hospital with my brother, Lester has been a single parent essentially. He's done an amazing job, never once complaining (seriously, not even once), but he has let on that Dean has had times when he has been inconsolable while I was gone. Usually if he's hungry or sleepy, Lester said, and he's been busy with Cary or chores or various must-do things. But when I walk in the door, Dean takes inconsolable up a notch -- until I pick him up. Then, it's like someone hit the 'off' switch. Instant quiet.
Schedules
We are total SLAVES to the schedule!
When the babies were tiny things, the eating/sleeping schedule saved our lives. It really helped us to keep them doing the same things at the same time (for sanity), and also to get them sleeping through the night (for sanity and our own sleep!)
But now that they're older and we are really ready to get them out and about, we really feel hindered by the schedule. They're so used to the schedule, the boys want to eat and sleep at their familiar times, no matter what is going on. The eating part is sort of an issue, but workable with snacks and the fact that they can now hold their own bottles. The napping thing, however, is a real roadblock.
For months, they've taken a nap around 9:30 and then again around 1:30 or 2. We have learned to make sure we hang around the house until after their first nap, which is fine because we can never get our acts together before then anyway. But if we want to go anywhere or do anything, no matter what it is, the activity almost always runs well past their second nap.
And if Cary and Dean Davis don't have their second naps, they are miserable, whiny, clingy little monsters.
And of course, I have the only two children on Earth who don't really sleep well in the car. Dean sleeps a little bit better, but he always waits until 10 minutes before we get where we're going to drift off. Cary refuses to sleep at all. He thinks it's much better to complain - loudly - the entire ride.
And then...the babies go to sleep at 7 or 7:30 at the latest. By 6 p.m. they are DONE with the day. They want their bath and they want their bottles and they want to go to bed. Their OWN beds. STAT.
So this means that if we go anywhere, we have to leave after their first nap -- which ends around 11 or 11:30, get back to the house for a nap around 2, and then possibly we can head back out after that -- around 4 (after the nap has ended and they've eaten), only to be back by 6.
Careful readers will note that that is like 2 hours of safe-out-of-the-house time. Two hours! And not even consecutive hours!!
It makes us not want to even leave the house. Except we really want to leave the house.
(I'm getting a distinct Jimmy Durante urge to sing right now, but I will ignore that.)
Moms, anyone else ever have this problem? When does this get better? How come I see all these other parents out with their kids at all times of the day and night, and no one seems to be having a monstrous meltdown?
But I thought I could take it one day at a time, and jumping back into blogging (about the babies) might help.
So here goes:
The boys will be 11 months on Apr. 11. They are totally cute and really hysterical at times, but I would be lying if I said this stage with them is a thousand percent easier.
Here's why:
Separation anxiety
Dean is in a MAJOR "Mommy" phase. If he sees me, he wants to be in my arms or on my lap, and nothing, nothing, nothing can deter him. Oh, the whining. It is truly epic. I thought it couldn't get much worse, but he's even gotten to the point where he wants me even when he doesn't see me! Since I have been gone a lot the past two weeks at the hospital with my brother, Lester has been a single parent essentially. He's done an amazing job, never once complaining (seriously, not even once), but he has let on that Dean has had times when he has been inconsolable while I was gone. Usually if he's hungry or sleepy, Lester said, and he's been busy with Cary or chores or various must-do things. But when I walk in the door, Dean takes inconsolable up a notch -- until I pick him up. Then, it's like someone hit the 'off' switch. Instant quiet.
Schedules
We are total SLAVES to the schedule!
When the babies were tiny things, the eating/sleeping schedule saved our lives. It really helped us to keep them doing the same things at the same time (for sanity), and also to get them sleeping through the night (for sanity and our own sleep!)
But now that they're older and we are really ready to get them out and about, we really feel hindered by the schedule. They're so used to the schedule, the boys want to eat and sleep at their familiar times, no matter what is going on. The eating part is sort of an issue, but workable with snacks and the fact that they can now hold their own bottles. The napping thing, however, is a real roadblock.
For months, they've taken a nap around 9:30 and then again around 1:30 or 2. We have learned to make sure we hang around the house until after their first nap, which is fine because we can never get our acts together before then anyway. But if we want to go anywhere or do anything, no matter what it is, the activity almost always runs well past their second nap.
And if Cary and Dean Davis don't have their second naps, they are miserable, whiny, clingy little monsters.
And of course, I have the only two children on Earth who don't really sleep well in the car. Dean sleeps a little bit better, but he always waits until 10 minutes before we get where we're going to drift off. Cary refuses to sleep at all. He thinks it's much better to complain - loudly - the entire ride.
And then...the babies go to sleep at 7 or 7:30 at the latest. By 6 p.m. they are DONE with the day. They want their bath and they want their bottles and they want to go to bed. Their OWN beds. STAT.
So this means that if we go anywhere, we have to leave after their first nap -- which ends around 11 or 11:30, get back to the house for a nap around 2, and then possibly we can head back out after that -- around 4 (after the nap has ended and they've eaten), only to be back by 6.
Careful readers will note that that is like 2 hours of safe-out-of-the-house time. Two hours! And not even consecutive hours!!
It makes us not want to even leave the house. Except we really want to leave the house.
(I'm getting a distinct Jimmy Durante urge to sing right now, but I will ignore that.)
Moms, anyone else ever have this problem? When does this get better? How come I see all these other parents out with their kids at all times of the day and night, and no one seems to be having a monstrous meltdown?
Sunday, April 3, 2011
The latest on my brother
It's been a few days since I last checked in about my brother. There have been a lot of changes since this last post, so I'll try to relay it all chronologically. Here's my last e-mail update (and there's other news since this, which I'll get to later):
Friends and family,
Some of you may have heard this already; others may not. It is hard to say over and over, so I'm glad that I can write it down and communicate it this way.
On Tuesday -- a week to the day after the accident -- the doctors at Washington Hospital Center asked us to have a family meeting. We all gathered in the waiting room to hear what they had to say and to be able to ask questions.
Basically, we were given bad news and worse news.
The bad news is that Rashad has very serious lung issues. It appears that he may have aspirated stomach contents at the time of the crash, which essentially burned his lungs. On top of that, he is fighting his second pneumonia in a week. The ICU team believes that they can cure this lung problem, but it is very, very serious and will take time. Because of it, Rashad is not breathing on his own. He is tethered to a respirator for his very life.
The worst news came from the neurosurgery team. Because of Rashad's lung problems, doctors have not been able to do the CT scans they had hoped to do. So, medically, they have no new updates on his condition. But, professionally, they told us, based on experience and what they can see from Rashad's progress to date, they do not believe he will ever regain consciousness.
Of course we know that God will have the ultimate say. But that does not take the sting out of such a prognosis.
As of the hour I'm typing this, Rashad has been off of all paralyzing and sedation medications for close to two days. The neurosurgery team believes that if he was going to wake up, he would have done so by now. And until he wakes, there is really nothing more they can do.
They did not leave us with the impression, however, that we need to make a decision about his care right now. Dad suggested we wait to see what happens after the ICU team has a chance to heal Rashad's lungs. Perhaps simply the act of breathing on his own will help. We don't know for sure. But it's worth a shot.
The last two days have been the hardest in my family's existence. Since the accident, we have been waiting for Rashad to be medication-free, believing that he would awaken and begin the long road toward recovery, once he was no longer being artificially paralyzed and sedated. Now that the meds are stopped, and Rashad still has not moved, blinked, coughed or even breathed on his own, we don't know what to think.
Are the meds just not quite fully out of his system?
What WAS it that happened on Sunday morning? If he tried to open an eye and turn his head before, why is he so still now?
Does he just need more time? How much time?
Will he come back to us?
None of us has the answer to any of these questions. Only God does. But not one of us is ready to say that we are done fighting. Rashad is not brain dead, the doctors assured us. And his heart is still beating the strong and steady rhythm of a 24-year-old man. So he is still with us. And so we are trying to talk to him like he is still with us.
Kadija cracks jokes. Tahira holds his hand and rubs his skin. Haleem talks to him about whatever brothers talk about, in a booming voice meant to mimic normalcy. Mom reads him passages from the Bible and the letters and cards people have sent (Thank you soooo much to all of you who have done so!!)
Dad, who is up early every single morning to catch the doctors on their rounds, sits in a chair near Rashad's bed, talks to him about any and everything, and then dozes off in the chair, head lolled forward, snoring.
I told Rashad to hurry up and get out of that bed and get a haircut. :-)
It's bizarre to me that his hair is growing.
In fact, the wounds on his eyes and face and legs are healing amazingly well. I can't tell you how incongruous it is to watch my brother heal outwardly and think that he might not be healing in the brain.
So we simply choose to believe that he is.
It is Day 9 and Rashad is still with us. And God may very well bring him back to us. We continue to have faith in His power to make miracles happen. And we continue to wait.
Thank you for listening, and for caring...
_________________________________________________________
That was March 30.
On Friday, Apr. 1, there was a whirlwind of activity!!
My brother Haleem walked in his room, called his name, and Rashad opened his eye.
Later, when my Mom and sister were in his room, holding his hand, my sister mentioned Rashad's daughter and, in response, he squeezed her hand!
Did you hear that, people? He squeezed her hand!!
And when she asked Rashad if he wanted her to go get Haleem (who had left the room at this point), he squeezed her hand even harder!
By now, word had spread throughout the family waiting room that Rashad was responding. So a crowd gathered around his bed, cheering and crying as he moved first his left foot (slightly) on command, and then his left foot (even more slightly) on command!
The nurses eventually re-sedated Rashad because his blood pressure was shooting through the roof, and he was frightened and anxious (we think), and trying way too hard to breathe, so he was competing with his ventilator.
Since then, Rashad has shown little signs of progress. That was two days ago.
Talk about emotional highs and lows.
We're waiting to talk to the doctors to find out what, if anything, that episode means. We believe that he is in there, trying mightily to fight his way to consciousness. But we just don't know.
Since Friday, he's been completely still. His eye occasionally opens, but it never focuses, and often lolls around in his head, which makes me incredibly anxious and sad. The doctors and nurses seem to be making progress with the myriad other things that are in need of repair or attention on and in his body, and we're grateful for that, so grateful. But the biggest thing -- his brain -- is still a total mystery.
So, as usual, we have nothing to do but wait and pray.
What's really weird is that we still have to go on with our lives, somehow. My Dad goes back to work tomorrow; my brother went back to West Virginia to handle some things at his job. The nieces and nephews have to go to school, so they need to have clean uniforms and lunches packed. We have to grocery-shop and clean the bathrooms. I totally overlooked the fact that, at some point, Lester got a haircut.
Speaking of Lester, he has been so awesomely wonderful about being a solo parent these last two weeks as I have been at the hospital round the clock. But I know the babies have been knocked off center by the complete obliteration of the schedule and any semblance of familiarity. And I miss doing the nighttime routine, and playing with them. I just miss them. Period.
So I think tomorrow I will actually not go to the hospital, and instead stay home with the boys.
It will be hard to skip visiting him, but Rashad is so in love with his daughter (who told us this weekend, "My Daddy's car got smushed.") that I think -- no, I know -- he will understand.
Friends and family,
Some of you may have heard this already; others may not. It is hard to say over and over, so I'm glad that I can write it down and communicate it this way.
On Tuesday -- a week to the day after the accident -- the doctors at Washington Hospital Center asked us to have a family meeting. We all gathered in the waiting room to hear what they had to say and to be able to ask questions.
Basically, we were given bad news and worse news.
The bad news is that Rashad has very serious lung issues. It appears that he may have aspirated stomach contents at the time of the crash, which essentially burned his lungs. On top of that, he is fighting his second pneumonia in a week. The ICU team believes that they can cure this lung problem, but it is very, very serious and will take time. Because of it, Rashad is not breathing on his own. He is tethered to a respirator for his very life.
The worst news came from the neurosurgery team. Because of Rashad's lung problems, doctors have not been able to do the CT scans they had hoped to do. So, medically, they have no new updates on his condition. But, professionally, they told us, based on experience and what they can see from Rashad's progress to date, they do not believe he will ever regain consciousness.
Of course we know that God will have the ultimate say. But that does not take the sting out of such a prognosis.
As of the hour I'm typing this, Rashad has been off of all paralyzing and sedation medications for close to two days. The neurosurgery team believes that if he was going to wake up, he would have done so by now. And until he wakes, there is really nothing more they can do.
They did not leave us with the impression, however, that we need to make a decision about his care right now. Dad suggested we wait to see what happens after the ICU team has a chance to heal Rashad's lungs. Perhaps simply the act of breathing on his own will help. We don't know for sure. But it's worth a shot.
The last two days have been the hardest in my family's existence. Since the accident, we have been waiting for Rashad to be medication-free, believing that he would awaken and begin the long road toward recovery, once he was no longer being artificially paralyzed and sedated. Now that the meds are stopped, and Rashad still has not moved, blinked, coughed or even breathed on his own, we don't know what to think.
Are the meds just not quite fully out of his system?
What WAS it that happened on Sunday morning? If he tried to open an eye and turn his head before, why is he so still now?
Does he just need more time? How much time?
Will he come back to us?
None of us has the answer to any of these questions. Only God does. But not one of us is ready to say that we are done fighting. Rashad is not brain dead, the doctors assured us. And his heart is still beating the strong and steady rhythm of a 24-year-old man. So he is still with us. And so we are trying to talk to him like he is still with us.
Kadija cracks jokes. Tahira holds his hand and rubs his skin. Haleem talks to him about whatever brothers talk about, in a booming voice meant to mimic normalcy. Mom reads him passages from the Bible and the letters and cards people have sent (Thank you soooo much to all of you who have done so!!)
Dad, who is up early every single morning to catch the doctors on their rounds, sits in a chair near Rashad's bed, talks to him about any and everything, and then dozes off in the chair, head lolled forward, snoring.
I told Rashad to hurry up and get out of that bed and get a haircut. :-)
It's bizarre to me that his hair is growing.
In fact, the wounds on his eyes and face and legs are healing amazingly well. I can't tell you how incongruous it is to watch my brother heal outwardly and think that he might not be healing in the brain.
So we simply choose to believe that he is.
It is Day 9 and Rashad is still with us. And God may very well bring him back to us. We continue to have faith in His power to make miracles happen. And we continue to wait.
Thank you for listening, and for caring...
_________________________________________________________
That was March 30.
On Friday, Apr. 1, there was a whirlwind of activity!!
My brother Haleem walked in his room, called his name, and Rashad opened his eye.
Later, when my Mom and sister were in his room, holding his hand, my sister mentioned Rashad's daughter and, in response, he squeezed her hand!
Did you hear that, people? He squeezed her hand!!
And when she asked Rashad if he wanted her to go get Haleem (who had left the room at this point), he squeezed her hand even harder!
By now, word had spread throughout the family waiting room that Rashad was responding. So a crowd gathered around his bed, cheering and crying as he moved first his left foot (slightly) on command, and then his left foot (even more slightly) on command!
The nurses eventually re-sedated Rashad because his blood pressure was shooting through the roof, and he was frightened and anxious (we think), and trying way too hard to breathe, so he was competing with his ventilator.
Since then, Rashad has shown little signs of progress. That was two days ago.
Talk about emotional highs and lows.
We're waiting to talk to the doctors to find out what, if anything, that episode means. We believe that he is in there, trying mightily to fight his way to consciousness. But we just don't know.
Since Friday, he's been completely still. His eye occasionally opens, but it never focuses, and often lolls around in his head, which makes me incredibly anxious and sad. The doctors and nurses seem to be making progress with the myriad other things that are in need of repair or attention on and in his body, and we're grateful for that, so grateful. But the biggest thing -- his brain -- is still a total mystery.
So, as usual, we have nothing to do but wait and pray.
What's really weird is that we still have to go on with our lives, somehow. My Dad goes back to work tomorrow; my brother went back to West Virginia to handle some things at his job. The nieces and nephews have to go to school, so they need to have clean uniforms and lunches packed. We have to grocery-shop and clean the bathrooms. I totally overlooked the fact that, at some point, Lester got a haircut.
Speaking of Lester, he has been so awesomely wonderful about being a solo parent these last two weeks as I have been at the hospital round the clock. But I know the babies have been knocked off center by the complete obliteration of the schedule and any semblance of familiarity. And I miss doing the nighttime routine, and playing with them. I just miss them. Period.
So I think tomorrow I will actually not go to the hospital, and instead stay home with the boys.
It will be hard to skip visiting him, but Rashad is so in love with his daughter (who told us this weekend, "My Daddy's car got smushed.") that I think -- no, I know -- he will understand.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Update on my brother .. and Dean
First off, since this is primarily a blog about my life with my amazing baby boys, I thought I'd share that this morning, Dean CRAWLED UP HALF THE FLIGHT OF STAIRS!
Lord have mercy. I almost lost it.
Dean has gotten very, very clingy with me lately. He wants only to be with me all day long. I can't even bend down to pick something up when I'm holding him because he thinks I'm putting him down and he goes berserk!
This weekend was really hard for him, because I was at the hospital much of the day. Though he was with Lester (who he LOVES), there were a lot of new people around and upsetting of schedules, etc., so he was not happy.
So today, when I was upstairs too long getting ready for work, I suppose he decided to take matters into his own hands and climb up to get me.
Nothing like determination to propel a child to master a new skill, huh?
Anyway, we have to step up the gate game - again. Can't have him falling backwards down the stairs. Gracious. That's all I need.
And here's the update on my brother, as sent to friends and family by e-mail. Thanks to all of you who have posted your thoughts and prayers for Rashad. I really, really appreciate it.
All,
I thought I'd send a quick update before I leave work to head down to the hospital to see Rashad.
The last two days have been a series of ups and downs.
Saturday night, after we'd all turned in for the night (except Cortney, his girlfriend, who's been sleeping in the hospital waiting room every night since Tuesday), nurses turned off Rashad's sedation. Doctors expected him to stay out of it for a considerable amount of time just because of the magnitude of his injuries and the sheer volume of drugs he's been on. But early, early Sunday morning, Rashad surprised them all by attempting to open an eye!! Seeing this, the nurse on duty called his name and he tried to turn his head!
Hallelujah!!!
When we heard this news, you cannot imagine the jumping, shouting, crying and praising the Lord that ensued! We all got dressed and went to the hospital to see him, but by then, the doctors had re-sedated him, because apparently just that small amount of struggling to come to was enough to send his ICP levels soaring. Doctors said he wasn't ready just yet to be aware and alert. Still, we were heartened.
As the day progressed, however, although Rashad's ICP levels stayed good, his CPP -- a different number that indicates blood flow to the brain -- began to dip. And doctors said tests were showing he was having trouble oxygenating his blood. Further tests showed fluid in his lungs, and possible pneumonia. Last I checked, they were trying to find a way to more deeply drain his lungs.
Today, we were told the doctors were going to try to do a CT scan on Rashad's brain. In and of itself, this shows improvement, because he was unable to tolerate lying flat for a long enough period of time to do such a scan even a few days ago. But Dad says his ICP levels -- for some reason -- have been trending high today (in the low 20s), so I'm not sure if they were able to do the scan after all. I'll find out more later when I get to the hospital.
We are anxious for the results of the CT scan, because doctors will be able to tell us by what percentage the swelling has gone down, and also if they can readily see any damaged areas. Right now, we still have no idea what is going on in there.
But we are all just praying and being patient for Rashad to be ready for all this testing. And we are trusting that each day may bring some good and possibly some not-so-good news, but that at the end of this road, our brother will be back to us healthy and strong.
As my Dad, the mathematician, said today: Three steps forward and two steps back is still a net gain.
Thank you again to all of you who have stepped up in such a big way to share your love and support. So many of you have called, sent notes, cards, e-mail and Facebook messages, stopped by the hospital, offered to pray, babysit or run errands, etc., I feel buoyed just by your very goodness. Special thanks to The Hatcher Group for the gang of food sent to my Mom and Dad's, and to Jessica and Holly for running to the grocery store for Lester and me. And special, special thanks to all of you who have and are continuing to pray for Rashad. I really will never be able to thank you enough.
More later, if I can.
Lord have mercy. I almost lost it.
Dean has gotten very, very clingy with me lately. He wants only to be with me all day long. I can't even bend down to pick something up when I'm holding him because he thinks I'm putting him down and he goes berserk!
This weekend was really hard for him, because I was at the hospital much of the day. Though he was with Lester (who he LOVES), there were a lot of new people around and upsetting of schedules, etc., so he was not happy.
So today, when I was upstairs too long getting ready for work, I suppose he decided to take matters into his own hands and climb up to get me.
Nothing like determination to propel a child to master a new skill, huh?
Anyway, we have to step up the gate game - again. Can't have him falling backwards down the stairs. Gracious. That's all I need.
And here's the update on my brother, as sent to friends and family by e-mail. Thanks to all of you who have posted your thoughts and prayers for Rashad. I really, really appreciate it.
All,
I thought I'd send a quick update before I leave work to head down to the hospital to see Rashad.
The last two days have been a series of ups and downs.
Saturday night, after we'd all turned in for the night (except Cortney, his girlfriend, who's been sleeping in the hospital waiting room every night since Tuesday), nurses turned off Rashad's sedation. Doctors expected him to stay out of it for a considerable amount of time just because of the magnitude of his injuries and the sheer volume of drugs he's been on. But early, early Sunday morning, Rashad surprised them all by attempting to open an eye!! Seeing this, the nurse on duty called his name and he tried to turn his head!
Hallelujah!!!
When we heard this news, you cannot imagine the jumping, shouting, crying and praising the Lord that ensued! We all got dressed and went to the hospital to see him, but by then, the doctors had re-sedated him, because apparently just that small amount of struggling to come to was enough to send his ICP levels soaring. Doctors said he wasn't ready just yet to be aware and alert. Still, we were heartened.
As the day progressed, however, although Rashad's ICP levels stayed good, his CPP -- a different number that indicates blood flow to the brain -- began to dip. And doctors said tests were showing he was having trouble oxygenating his blood. Further tests showed fluid in his lungs, and possible pneumonia. Last I checked, they were trying to find a way to more deeply drain his lungs.
Today, we were told the doctors were going to try to do a CT scan on Rashad's brain. In and of itself, this shows improvement, because he was unable to tolerate lying flat for a long enough period of time to do such a scan even a few days ago. But Dad says his ICP levels -- for some reason -- have been trending high today (in the low 20s), so I'm not sure if they were able to do the scan after all. I'll find out more later when I get to the hospital.
We are anxious for the results of the CT scan, because doctors will be able to tell us by what percentage the swelling has gone down, and also if they can readily see any damaged areas. Right now, we still have no idea what is going on in there.
But we are all just praying and being patient for Rashad to be ready for all this testing. And we are trusting that each day may bring some good and possibly some not-so-good news, but that at the end of this road, our brother will be back to us healthy and strong.
As my Dad, the mathematician, said today: Three steps forward and two steps back is still a net gain.
Thank you again to all of you who have stepped up in such a big way to share your love and support. So many of you have called, sent notes, cards, e-mail and Facebook messages, stopped by the hospital, offered to pray, babysit or run errands, etc., I feel buoyed just by your very goodness. Special thanks to The Hatcher Group for the gang of food sent to my Mom and Dad's, and to Jessica and Holly for running to the grocery store for Lester and me. And special, special thanks to all of you who have and are continuing to pray for Rashad. I really will never be able to thank you enough.
More later, if I can.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Update
I just sent this email to friends and family and thought it would be good to re-post here. This way I'll always have it, to refer to later, when my brother wakes up.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friends and family,
I have been getting so many requests for updates about my brother, I am truly overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and concern. Your friendship has never meant more to me than it does right now.
I wish I could muster the energy to respond to all of you individually, but truthfully, by the end of these excruciatingly long days, I really just want to crawl into bed and try -- usually fruitlessly -- to get some sleep.
So I thought it would be easier to just e-mail you a quick update, and hope that this will suffice until we can talk or see one another. I hope you don't find this impersonal. Please know I have gotten all your kind words and offerings of prayers and help, and I have been immensely grateful for each and every one.
My entire family is grateful.
So here's what we know now (which isn't much, unfortunately):
Rashad is stable, but still in critical condition, unconscious, and very, very sick.
He has severe swelling of the brain, which the team of neurosurgeons assigned to his case are trying to keep to a minimum with a bevy of medications they adjust several times a day.
Because of the swelling, we have no idea if he has any significant brain activity. We know he must have some, because his pupils dilate in response to light. And also, when his body is tussled or moved around, the swelling increases, indicating that stimulation causes some reaction in the brain. Other than that, he has not moved, spoken or otherwise.
The swelling is expected to peak anywhere from 3 to 5 days after the date of the injury, which was Tuesday. After the peak, they expect the swelling to level off, or in the best case, go down some. Once that happens, the doctors will be able to see better what kind of brain activity he has.
So, we're in a torturous game of wait-and-see.
The whole family has rallied together and gathered at the hospital to sit by his bedside and pray or talk to him (quietly). We can't really touch him, because the doctors said even that is too much stimulation,and that restriction is hard. But hopefully, that will change at some point.
They're keeping Rashad heavily sedated and in a paralytic state, and have even lowered his body temperature to 94 degrees, all in an effort to keep his brain from having to work too hard to do anything at all. A machine even is breathing for him.
Even with all that help, Rashad's intercranial pressure (ICP) continues to spike from time to time. If the doctors aren't satisfied by tomorrow that his body is able to keep the brain pressure at an acceptable level, they have told my parents that they'll have to put Rashad into a medically-induced coma.
I honestly don't know really what that means; how it's different, for example, from the unconscious state he's already in.
In the meantime, other doctors and nurses are taking care of the various other things that are wrong with Rashad. His right eyelid is ripped nearly completely off, and the ophthalmologist said he has damaged tissue in that eye; he has 9 broken bones in his face; his leg is broken. Somehow, the nurses also are trying to keep him from shivering (since they've lowered his body temperature), because that makes his brain work too hard; they are worried about blood clots in his legs because of inactivity, so they're giving him blood thinners, and they're intravenously feeding him a gross-looking cocktail of protein, acetaminophen and other fluids. That doesn't even include the more serious painkillers they're also pumping into him (thank the Lord). It feels good to believe he isn't feeling any of this.
It's beautiful how so many of Rashad's friends have come and set up posts at the hospital; from boys he's known from as far back as pre-school to co-workers he's only recently met, but who love him already. We are literally spilling out into the hallways at some points. I'm sorry he's missing out on the mini-party in his honor that occurs every day. I hope he can feel it.
We have brought pictures of family members into his hushed and darkened room, including one of our dear Grandmother who passed away in June 2008. She and Rashad were the best of buddies, so we know she's looking out for him. My mom is also keeping a little journal for people to sign, so he'll see it when he wakes up.
I also make sure to tell the revolving door of medical staff a little about Rashad when I can, so that they know he's not just a badly-bruised body lying there; he's our brother, and a devoted father, and a man who was working two jobs to save money to get a better apartment for himself, his girlfriend and 4-year-old daughter. He's the one in the family who makes everyone crack up laughing -- a jokester who makes up nicknames for us that make absolutely no sense (my mother, for instance, is "Thompson;" my father, "Big Lads.") He's a sweetheart and a good boy.
I tell them he has a lot of life left to live. I want them to know that for some reason. I hope it helps somehow.
Tuesday and yesterday we were all running on adrenaline, so things seemed optimistic; today was much harder. The weight of what has happened to my baby brother seems almost too much to bear. This morning, I could barely breathe. I am unnerved by watching my father sob, and my mother fall apart. Even Kadija (those who know my family well will know what this means) has been rendered jokeless.
But, despite the sadness, we are all -- more than ever -- trusting in God, and believing that He is in control of this situation. Prayer is helping us tremendously. And we find comfort in being thankful for what miracles already have happened. The fact that Rashad made it out of that crash alive? Clearly a miracle. The fact that Nasya, his daughter, was not in the car (because those two are joined at the hip)? Clearly a miracle. We know God's hand is in this. We are managing, in between our tears, to keep the faith.
Anyway, that's the update for now. I'll try to keep you all posted from time to time, and prayerfully, by God's grace, I'll have something miraculous to tell you soon.
Thank you again and again for all your love and support. It means so, so, so much.
Tanika
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friends and family,
I have been getting so many requests for updates about my brother, I am truly overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and concern. Your friendship has never meant more to me than it does right now.
I wish I could muster the energy to respond to all of you individually, but truthfully, by the end of these excruciatingly long days, I really just want to crawl into bed and try -- usually fruitlessly -- to get some sleep.
So I thought it would be easier to just e-mail you a quick update, and hope that this will suffice until we can talk or see one another. I hope you don't find this impersonal. Please know I have gotten all your kind words and offerings of prayers and help, and I have been immensely grateful for each and every one.
My entire family is grateful.
So here's what we know now (which isn't much, unfortunately):
Rashad is stable, but still in critical condition, unconscious, and very, very sick.
He has severe swelling of the brain, which the team of neurosurgeons assigned to his case are trying to keep to a minimum with a bevy of medications they adjust several times a day.
Because of the swelling, we have no idea if he has any significant brain activity. We know he must have some, because his pupils dilate in response to light. And also, when his body is tussled or moved around, the swelling increases, indicating that stimulation causes some reaction in the brain. Other than that, he has not moved, spoken or otherwise.
The swelling is expected to peak anywhere from 3 to 5 days after the date of the injury, which was Tuesday. After the peak, they expect the swelling to level off, or in the best case, go down some. Once that happens, the doctors will be able to see better what kind of brain activity he has.
So, we're in a torturous game of wait-and-see.
The whole family has rallied together and gathered at the hospital to sit by his bedside and pray or talk to him (quietly). We can't really touch him, because the doctors said even that is too much stimulation,and that restriction is hard. But hopefully, that will change at some point.
They're keeping Rashad heavily sedated and in a paralytic state, and have even lowered his body temperature to 94 degrees, all in an effort to keep his brain from having to work too hard to do anything at all. A machine even is breathing for him.
Even with all that help, Rashad's intercranial pressure (ICP) continues to spike from time to time. If the doctors aren't satisfied by tomorrow that his body is able to keep the brain pressure at an acceptable level, they have told my parents that they'll have to put Rashad into a medically-induced coma.
I honestly don't know really what that means; how it's different, for example, from the unconscious state he's already in.
In the meantime, other doctors and nurses are taking care of the various other things that are wrong with Rashad. His right eyelid is ripped nearly completely off, and the ophthalmologist said he has damaged tissue in that eye; he has 9 broken bones in his face; his leg is broken. Somehow, the nurses also are trying to keep him from shivering (since they've lowered his body temperature), because that makes his brain work too hard; they are worried about blood clots in his legs because of inactivity, so they're giving him blood thinners, and they're intravenously feeding him a gross-looking cocktail of protein, acetaminophen and other fluids. That doesn't even include the more serious painkillers they're also pumping into him (thank the Lord). It feels good to believe he isn't feeling any of this.
It's beautiful how so many of Rashad's friends have come and set up posts at the hospital; from boys he's known from as far back as pre-school to co-workers he's only recently met, but who love him already. We are literally spilling out into the hallways at some points. I'm sorry he's missing out on the mini-party in his honor that occurs every day. I hope he can feel it.
We have brought pictures of family members into his hushed and darkened room, including one of our dear Grandmother who passed away in June 2008. She and Rashad were the best of buddies, so we know she's looking out for him. My mom is also keeping a little journal for people to sign, so he'll see it when he wakes up.
I also make sure to tell the revolving door of medical staff a little about Rashad when I can, so that they know he's not just a badly-bruised body lying there; he's our brother, and a devoted father, and a man who was working two jobs to save money to get a better apartment for himself, his girlfriend and 4-year-old daughter. He's the one in the family who makes everyone crack up laughing -- a jokester who makes up nicknames for us that make absolutely no sense (my mother, for instance, is "Thompson;" my father, "Big Lads.") He's a sweetheart and a good boy.
I tell them he has a lot of life left to live. I want them to know that for some reason. I hope it helps somehow.
Tuesday and yesterday we were all running on adrenaline, so things seemed optimistic; today was much harder. The weight of what has happened to my baby brother seems almost too much to bear. This morning, I could barely breathe. I am unnerved by watching my father sob, and my mother fall apart. Even Kadija (those who know my family well will know what this means) has been rendered jokeless.
But, despite the sadness, we are all -- more than ever -- trusting in God, and believing that He is in control of this situation. Prayer is helping us tremendously. And we find comfort in being thankful for what miracles already have happened. The fact that Rashad made it out of that crash alive? Clearly a miracle. The fact that Nasya, his daughter, was not in the car (because those two are joined at the hip)? Clearly a miracle. We know God's hand is in this. We are managing, in between our tears, to keep the faith.
Anyway, that's the update for now. I'll try to keep you all posted from time to time, and prayerfully, by God's grace, I'll have something miraculous to tell you soon.
Thank you again and again for all your love and support. It means so, so, so much.
Tanika
Praying, praying and praying
On Tuesday, my youngest brother Rashad was in a serious car accident.
He is in critical condition, unconscious and very, very sick.
Please pray for him. Please.
Thank you all...
He is in critical condition, unconscious and very, very sick.
Please pray for him. Please.
Thank you all...
Monday, March 21, 2011
John Glenn would be proud
We went to my Mom and Dad's this weekend for Dad's 59th birthday!
The boys missed all the revelry -- and cake and ice cream!-- because it happened after their bedtime, but all that resting did them some good.
Both boys figured out this weekend how to go up and down a single step, which is in between the family room and the eat-in kitchen area of my Mom's house.
At first, Dean could go up and not get down, and Cary couldn't get up but could get down. But after many, many attempts, eventually they both got it!
Hooray!
One small step for Cary and Dean; one giant leap into "OMG! We need to get those gates up by the stairs!!" for me and Lester.
The boys missed all the revelry -- and cake and ice cream!-- because it happened after their bedtime, but all that resting did them some good.
Both boys figured out this weekend how to go up and down a single step, which is in between the family room and the eat-in kitchen area of my Mom's house.
At first, Dean could go up and not get down, and Cary couldn't get up but could get down. But after many, many attempts, eventually they both got it!
Hooray!
One small step for Cary and Dean; one giant leap into "OMG! We need to get those gates up by the stairs!!" for me and Lester.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Warmer weather!
Today's high was in the mid-70s! Yessssss!
It was so nice, I cut out of work a little early and came home so Michelle and I could take the boys for a walk.
We ended up at a playground, and it dawned on me as I pushed the boys in the baby swing that this was their first time at a playground!!!! Can you believe it? 10 whole months on this Earth and this is the first playground visit. Wow. But it's the first of oh-so-many, I'm sure.
Cary loved watching the kids play; Dean loved the baby swing.
We only stayed for a few minutes, as it was getting close to quitting time for Michelle, but it was so great and a lovely, lovely glimpse of warm-weather days to come. I can't wait.
(Of course, I forgot my camera! Grrrrr!)
It was so nice, I cut out of work a little early and came home so Michelle and I could take the boys for a walk.
We ended up at a playground, and it dawned on me as I pushed the boys in the baby swing that this was their first time at a playground!!!! Can you believe it? 10 whole months on this Earth and this is the first playground visit. Wow. But it's the first of oh-so-many, I'm sure.
Cary loved watching the kids play; Dean loved the baby swing.
We only stayed for a few minutes, as it was getting close to quitting time for Michelle, but it was so great and a lovely, lovely glimpse of warm-weather days to come. I can't wait.
(Of course, I forgot my camera! Grrrrr!)
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Warm weather = walking time
It was warm enough here tonight for a walk when Lester and I got home from work, so we put fleece jackets on the boys, strapped them in the stroller and headed out!
It was great! The temperature was perfect, and because of Daylight Savings Time, it stayed light the entire time we were out (which was about 40 minutes). The boys were sorta zoned out, and toward the end, Cary was ready to get his bath and go to bed (I know this because of his pleading eyes and whining). But it was still a really nice time.
The walk reminded me of earlier days in their lives, when Lester and I took them for walks around the neighborhood adjacent to ours in the evenings. And it is really strange to be thinking about my boys in those terms: "earlier days." Ha! How crazy is that?
Speaking of earlier days, here's a throwback pic of the boys in the double Snap 'n Go, which was a real lookey-loo magnet when we took the boys out in it. We're at Lake Montebello in this photo, at a festival:
We had to retire that stroller when the babies were about 4 months, because the baby who was in the back was starting to get his little legs smushed by the car seat in the front. Oh, how sad I was to see that stroller go, because you could take the boys out of the car/stroller/etc. and keep them in the car seats, so they'd stay asleep.
Misty water-colored memmmmories!
Anyway, along the way on our stroll tonight we encountered some really nice people, as we usually do in that neighborhood and everyone is always so excited to see the double stroller approaching. If we had a dollar for every time someone said, "Double trouble!" or "Got your hands full, huh?" we'd be able to pay for Cary and Dean to go to an Ivy League college in cash. It doesn't bother me, the way it does some Moms of Twins (or so I read); I think it's really sweet how fascinated people are by two little babies who just happen to be born to the same parents on the same day.
Walking in that super-cute neighborhood makes me excited for the day we live in a neighborhood like that one -- with single-family homes and neat little lawns, mature trees and inviting porches, kids playing outside and happy-looking people walking their dogs.
In fact, now would be a good time for a prayer:
God, please grant us favor in this desire we have for a comfortable home in a safe, kid-friendly neighborhood, with lots of room to run and play and really nice neighbors who are the kind of folks to wave and smile at strangers and stop and talk to a couple pushing a double stroller along the sidewalk.
Bonus: One of my favorite pictures of them in the stroller; I think this was in September or October. Along our neighborhood stroll, they both fell fast asleep. A prize to anyone who can tell who's who in this pic!
It was great! The temperature was perfect, and because of Daylight Savings Time, it stayed light the entire time we were out (which was about 40 minutes). The boys were sorta zoned out, and toward the end, Cary was ready to get his bath and go to bed (I know this because of his pleading eyes and whining). But it was still a really nice time.
The walk reminded me of earlier days in their lives, when Lester and I took them for walks around the neighborhood adjacent to ours in the evenings. And it is really strange to be thinking about my boys in those terms: "earlier days." Ha! How crazy is that?
Speaking of earlier days, here's a throwback pic of the boys in the double Snap 'n Go, which was a real lookey-loo magnet when we took the boys out in it. We're at Lake Montebello in this photo, at a festival:
We had to retire that stroller when the babies were about 4 months, because the baby who was in the back was starting to get his little legs smushed by the car seat in the front. Oh, how sad I was to see that stroller go, because you could take the boys out of the car/stroller/etc. and keep them in the car seats, so they'd stay asleep. Misty water-colored memmmmories!
Anyway, along the way on our stroll tonight we encountered some really nice people, as we usually do in that neighborhood and everyone is always so excited to see the double stroller approaching. If we had a dollar for every time someone said, "Double trouble!" or "Got your hands full, huh?" we'd be able to pay for Cary and Dean to go to an Ivy League college in cash. It doesn't bother me, the way it does some Moms of Twins (or so I read); I think it's really sweet how fascinated people are by two little babies who just happen to be born to the same parents on the same day.
Walking in that super-cute neighborhood makes me excited for the day we live in a neighborhood like that one -- with single-family homes and neat little lawns, mature trees and inviting porches, kids playing outside and happy-looking people walking their dogs.
In fact, now would be a good time for a prayer:
God, please grant us favor in this desire we have for a comfortable home in a safe, kid-friendly neighborhood, with lots of room to run and play and really nice neighbors who are the kind of folks to wave and smile at strangers and stop and talk to a couple pushing a double stroller along the sidewalk.
Bonus: One of my favorite pictures of them in the stroller; I think this was in September or October. Along our neighborhood stroll, they both fell fast asleep. A prize to anyone who can tell who's who in this pic!
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Hello world! Bye-bye, Mommy
Finally got a little video of Dean waving!
(Of course, he decided to do it sorta spastically -- which is par for the course with him -- but you can get a glimpse here of an actual wave.)
Take note of how Cary mimics him a bit toward the end of the video. I can't get Cary to wave on his own, and he's also decided not to comply with my requests for him to clap, either. But if Dean waves, he'll sometimes follow suit.
They're sitting at the door, near my purse, work bag and lunch container, which is where they sit lately these days in the mornings while we rush around getting ready. I think they think if they can blockade the door, maybe I (or Lester) won't leave for work.
Inevitably, however, my exiting the door always ends in Dean crawling after me in tears.
:-(
Have I said already how much being a working mom sometimes sucks?
I got a nice note from a friend of LauraC's, Beth, who said it best when she said she likes working and she likes her job (same here, Beth!) so she wouldn't necessarily want to be a fulltime SAHM, but that it would be nice to stay home a little more with the little ones.
But she said she has made peace with making running errands "family time" and also with the fact that her house isn't white-glove-spotless. (Which my house has never, ever, ever been!)
I think that's pretty good advice and it's going to have to be the best we do right now.
Meantime, from my desk at work, I am saying "Hiiiiiii, Dean and Cary! Mommy loves and misses you!" And I imagine my little sweeties waving spastically back at me.
(Of course, he decided to do it sorta spastically -- which is par for the course with him -- but you can get a glimpse here of an actual wave.)
Take note of how Cary mimics him a bit toward the end of the video. I can't get Cary to wave on his own, and he's also decided not to comply with my requests for him to clap, either. But if Dean waves, he'll sometimes follow suit.
They're sitting at the door, near my purse, work bag and lunch container, which is where they sit lately these days in the mornings while we rush around getting ready. I think they think if they can blockade the door, maybe I (or Lester) won't leave for work.
Inevitably, however, my exiting the door always ends in Dean crawling after me in tears.
:-(
Have I said already how much being a working mom sometimes sucks?
I got a nice note from a friend of LauraC's, Beth, who said it best when she said she likes working and she likes her job (same here, Beth!) so she wouldn't necessarily want to be a fulltime SAHM, but that it would be nice to stay home a little more with the little ones.
But she said she has made peace with making running errands "family time" and also with the fact that her house isn't white-glove-spotless. (Which my house has never, ever, ever been!)
I think that's pretty good advice and it's going to have to be the best we do right now.
Meantime, from my desk at work, I am saying "Hiiiiiii, Dean and Cary! Mommy loves and misses you!" And I imagine my little sweeties waving spastically back at me.
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