Tanika's Diamonique Jubilee (the recap in photos)

I capped off a month-long celebration of my 40th birthday this weekend at a local bar/restaurant.
I called it my "Diamonique Jubilee." (Kinda like the Queen's Diamond Jubilee, but without the flotilla.)

I'm going to share a gazillion photos of the night (which was SOOO much fun), but really, there's only one photo you really need to see to know what kind of shindig this was.

And here it is:

Holla!

Yes, future teenaged Davis children who will likely be embarrassed by my every move, no matter how mundane: That is your mother at 40 years old, in a bar with her shades on, holding a bottle of premium tequila - LIKE A BOSS!

(I can't be sure if this was before or after the shots that your grandmother made me do. But who cares? Right? )

Now those of you who were unable to make it, seeing that photo right there, aren't you sad you missed my Jubilee?It's OK. I'll do it again in 10 years.

For posterity's sake, here's a photo album of my Diamonique Jubilee - at Wit & Wisdom, a bar at The Four Seasons.

Wes and his beautiful lady friend, Danielle. I met Wes when I was working at the KC Star. He came to visit a fellow Star reporter. We very much disliked one another at first. But I won him over with my charm and awesomeness. Although we talk infrequently these days (thank God for gchat!), he is still one of my very best friends.

Andre, me and Jill! How stylish and gorgeous are my former Sun friends? Andre is a photographer who took my favorite photo at my wedding of me and Lester jumping the broom and whooping for joy! And Jill is basically the love of my life.

Me and my Mom, selfie. Who looks like twins? Us? Nooo.

David and his wife Stephanie. I met David when at the KC Star, too. He was working at Hallmark at the time and we went to church together. He also threw the best house parties! We became instant friends and he remains my boy even today. Trivia point: I had just come back from David's wedding in Aruba (to Stephanie) the day (or two) before my first date with Lester!

Mari, Rashod and Stacey. (Mari is married to Antwyne, Lester's good college buddy, and she is now in my bookclub and my Unbalanced Mommies group and has become a very good friend. Rashod is "Uncle Dusty" to my boys and is also a very, very good friend. And everybody knows who Stacey is. She's my boo. And Hugo's mom!)

We had just been with Antwyne and Mari earlier that day at a toddler festival, with our kids. It was all turtles and pony rides and humidity, but somehow they still looked equally as stylish and cool as they do in this picture. I hate them! I love them!

My two best guys ever, Lester and Dad. Dad's drinking Coca-Cola. He is such a lightweight.

Juanita and her husband Ron. I've known Juanita since middle school. She's wonderful and hysterical and the organized person I turn to when I need to find out someone's contact information, or figure out the tip on a restaurant bill.

Liz Bowie and her husband Dan Fesperman. Liz still works at The Sun, but Dan left to write super-successful spy novels. Liz is my inspiration. Great writer, great mom, looks way younger than she is! I need her secrets. As one of the best education writers in the country, she also is the person who I can most honestly talk to about all my "how-will-I-properly-educate-my-kids" woes.

Callie and Stephanie. Callie is the woman who I met when the boys were babies at Mother Goose on the Loose at our local library. Then we met again at a festival in our neighborhood. Her daughter, Spirit, and the boys love each other, so Callie and I knew we just had to be friends!

Zac and Andrea. Andrea still works at The Sun, where we met. She's one of my most loyal and dependable friends. Also, she has great clothes. And we share a love of food (especially chocolate).

Callie and her husband Gary. At the boys' birthday party last month, Stephanie and Callie got to talking. Turns out they're in the same sorority. Also turns out that Gary and David are in the same fraternity! And that Callie's brother went to the same small HBCU that David did. Now Gary, David, Stephanie and Callie are becoming friends. I feel like a matchmaker!

Jill, Laurie and John-John. Jill and Laurie are two of my very closest friends and both used to work at The Sun. John-John is the fashion writer at The Sun, following in my footsteps. Except he's waaay more fashionable. Check out the brooch!

At one point during my time at The Sun, I sat in a "pod" with these two amazing people, Rashod and Stephanie. Rashod "Uncle Dusty" Ollison is now an award-winning pop music critic at the Virginian Pilot. Stephanie is someone I admire greatly. She's a writer, an artist, a loyal and wonderful friend and is going to India on a Fulbright this fall! She's also one of the reasons I'm at The Hatcher Group. She's married to my boss, Tom, and recommended me to him. Now Tom's my friend, too!

David, Ron and Gary - three cool-looking black dudes. And, as proof that I have the most "equity among friends" of anyone you know, see the next photo...

Alec, Dan and Tom (my boss and friend) -- three cool-looking white dudes.

Mom and Dad, the greatest parents ever. How many people wanna party with their parents? Seriously. I am blessed!

Lester, Zac and Antwyne. Hotness!

Brent and Monique. Brent used to be a sports writer at The Sun. Then he left to get a degree in psychology, got married to Monique who was working at the Boston Globe at the time, and moved her to Baltimore, where she is now a top sports editor at The Sun. Full circle! Also, Brent and Monique's wedding is where Lester and I got our groove back two Memorial Days ago -- causing us to make Clair a week later. (Is that TMI?) Whatever...Brent and I also are very good friends. For a dude, he gives surprisingly good advice.

Renee and her boo Jordan. I met Renee because she was the one who started our bookclub (of which I'm hosting this weekend!) She now, coincidentally, works at City Hall, in the Mayor's office, and keeps tabs on Lester for me. (Just kidding. Sorta.) She is an amazing seamstress (she made that dress!!!) and a very good friend. She hung window coverings in my house when I first moved in. Came with her own drill and everything. I hate her! I love her!

Andre and Kelly. (Andre is married to Kat, not pictured, and Kelly is married to Mark, home with their pre-schooler and infant.) Can you believe that hot girl had a baby like 10 seconds ago? I hate her! No, I love her! She's one of my very, very best friends. She also has the best hair! Check out that Dominican blowout. I hate her!

My mother forced me to do tequila shots out of wine glasses. No kidding. This is why I couldn't drive myself home (thanks Monique and Brent for saving me!) I was fine until my MOTHER peer-pressured me into doing shots. Only in my life does this happen.

Group shot! Skinny-arm pose!

Monique, Laurie (who drove from North Carolina to come to the Jubilee) and me and my thigh.

The Four Seasons (where the restaurant/bar was) sent me this cake! I took two bites and my Dad came and commandeered the plate and scarfed the rest. Like he always does.

Just for laughs -- and to mortify my future teenaged children even more -- here is what happens after many drinks and two shots of tequila: Yes, Cary, Dean and Clair -- that is your Nana, your Auntie Kelly and your mother doing a drunk version of the Instagram bathroom selfie!

You can be appalled if you want to, kids. This night was FUN!

LOL! ROFL. LMAO. Etc...

Platinum Jubilee in 10 years, y'all! Be there or be square!

Not your grandparents' chore list

My sister sent me this Q &A article today about a woman she thought would resonate with me for two reasons:

1. She had a unique story to tell and couldn't get an agent/publisher interested, so she started her own publishing company and did it herself! (You go, girl! I'm taking notes!)

2. Her story was about fatherhood, looking at it differently, based on her experience as a Mom of 2, and having her husband step up to the plate in a major, major way.

This author's experience got me to thinking about how much Lester does in and around the house, and for and with the kids. I started mentally listing the things he does, and then I started feeling self-conscious. Like, "Dang! What the heck do I do?" LOL.

When I actually thought hard about it, I am quite impressed by not only how well we divide the work in our family, but also how we defy a lot of gender norms -- Lester especially. This is not by design. We did not set out to be gender-neutral, necessarily (and in some cases, we're decidedly gender-norm-believers, like I ain't going in that alley with the rats, so I will NOT take the trash out. Sorry, feminist friends. I ain't doing it.) We just do what comes most naturally to either of us, or what we like to do (Lester loves grocery shopping; I like keeping the calendar, etc.) and it just works. Thank God.

Anyway, here's a look at how we do things in our house, broken out by partner:

Lester:

• Does all the laundry washing and folding
• Weekdays - gets the kids up, dressed and teeth brushed. Gets them their breakfast (cereal, mostly)
• Bathes the kids most nights/Brushes their teeth
• Does about 60-percent of the dishes
• Cleans out the refrigerator
• Takes out trash/recycling
• Changes our sheets
• Straightens our bedroom
• Mows the lawn/Handles yard work
• 8 times out of 10, mops and/or polishes the floors
• Handles all the finances - bill-paying, budget-making, taxes (Except I handle check-ins with the financial planner)
• Handles insurance matters
• Does all the grocery shopping and most of the Target, etc. shopping
• Handles almost all repair orders (calls plumber, exterminator, Comcast, etc.)
• Researches and plans most vacations
• Keeps track of car maintenance
• Reads to kids, plays with them 
• Is a softie when it comes to discipline
• Sets goals/rules for family

Tanika:

• Makes the grocery list/plans the meals
• Weekends - gets the kids dressed (they get themselves up) and teeth brushed
• Does all the cooking (except for some wonderful pancake breakfasts on some weekends)
• Does 40-percent of the dishes
• Bathes the kids when Lester's out at a meeting or the gym
• Changes the kids' sheets
• Straightens up the house
• Does the kids' hair (except that Lester cuts Dean's hair)
• Shops for/orders the kids' clothes/shoes
• Arranges doctor's/dentist appointments
• Handles retirement matters
• Handles almost all school-related stuff
• Researches and buy developmental stuff (toys/books/educational stuff)
• Picks out kids' clothes 
• 8 times out of 10, cleans the bathroom
• Plans and maintains ours and the kids' social calendars
• Buys gifts
• Reads to kids, plays with them (I do more singing and more "purposeful" play, I'd say, meaning I plan out what things we're going to play [because I'm TYPE A!] and Lester does more freestyling play.)
• Is stricter about discipline
• Sets goals/rules for family

As you can see, we do pretty well when it comes to fairly evenly dividing up the tasks that comprise running a household/maintaining a family. And we do it (mostly) without consternation or argument. Although as the chief laundry-doer, Lester probably would say my inability to put my clothes away after he's folded them is a major pet peeve. I do suck at putting my clothes away. Sorry, Les.

(Yet another reason why I need a new house, with a huge walk-in closet, where I can hide all my sins!)

Anyway, I look at this list and what it says about us --and the example it's setting for our kids -- and I am pretty proud of us. Yay for fair divisions of labor! Yay, us!

Note: I also look at this list and think:

Who does the real cleaning? (Miss Teresa, the once-a-month housekeeper. Sadly.)
Who the hell cleans out the oven? (No one.)

How do you guys divide up the work? Is it purposeful or accidental the way things fall in your house?

On having three children: Fewer crabcakes; more love

I have been really bad about blogging lately because I have been just that busy at work.

Hmmm. Truthfully, I am always busy at work, but some days I am more focused than others -- so I guess I should say it that way: I have been really bad about blogging lately because I have actually been focused.

I wish I could say that more often. Procrastination, why can't I quit you??

Anyway, I wanted to gloat a little and say that the crabcake at my neighborhood restaurant -- the one I wrote about a little bit ago -- just got named best in Baltimore. Whoo-hooo!

The fine print under the crabcake says "Crabcake from Koco's Pub shown actual size." Awww, yeah!

So now, as if hanging out with me and my crazies wasn't enough, you all have even more reason to come and visit!

I should also point out that it just dawned on me today, while emailing with Angel, that I have two pre-schoolers and a toddler. What the HELL was I thinking?!

This made me think (again) about the many articles/columns that have been going back and forth in the NYT and other places about the merits and the downsides of having a big family vs. having only one child.

Every single missive I've read on the topic has made me sad, particularly since I am also being bombarded daily with articles about how hard it is for minority children to succeed in this society - even the smart ones - and how bad the education system is and how kids of wealthier parents are like 10 million times more likely to be successful/happy/not-in-prison-or-on-a-stripper-pole, you name it.

So as I was reading Lauren Sandler and KJ Dell’Antonia as they went back and forth explaining their reasons for choosing the family size they have, I kept thinking: If I had one child, I could afford to move out of our sucky neighborhood, away from the trash and the loud corners and the neighbors teaching them to speak in Baltimore slang. If I had one child, I could send him/her to the absolute best school in the area -- even on our salaries. If I had one child, I wouldn't have to LITERALLY read two books at once every evening when I come home, because Clair demands to read one book but the boys want to read another. Every single night.

(Note: Do you know how hard it is to read two books aloud simultaneously? The stress of making sure each kid is getting read to, and feels attended to, is going to be the death of me, do you hear me?)

If I had one child, we could go to Koco's for crabcakes every night!!

If I had one child, if I had one child, if I had one child...

Of course this is a ridiculous and foolish and unwin-able game to play. If I only had one child, which child would it be? Who could ever choose between the three I've been given? Who would want to?

I had no way of knowing, for example, that I needed Clair so much as I do -- until she was here, sleeping in my arms in the hospital, the light over my bed shining on her perfect face. I thought I was complete with just Cary and Dean. I had no idea how incomplete I was.

Is it harder having more than one child? Yes, of course. And, honestly, I have no idea how we will properly educate them, completely safeguard them, prepare them fully - as individuals - for this world that is crueler to minority kids, crueler to the less-than-wealthy, and made, it seems, to cater to families of only children.

But I know one thing we will do: We will love them.

God knows we will love them.

And as I said to Angel this morning, the beauty of loving children is that adding more doesn't divide the love. It multiplies it.

Exponentially.

Father's Day Weekend: Fun and Family

Reading up about Father's Day on folks' blogs and columns etc., it strikes me that there are two distinct ways to celebrate this day-for-Dads.

One is to have a day -- similar to the one many Moms want to have on Mother's Day -- where it's all about celebrating and accommodating the Parent d'jour. Fathers don't want as much pampering, perhaps, but those who choose this kind of day want plenty of Dad-time - to golf, or fish or laze around and watch NBA finals.

The other way is to spend the time being extra-fatherly, if you will, spending time with the kids, doing things for the kids, being surrounded by family.

No way is better than the other, and actually, there's probably a hybrid of the two that works for some people, as well. But most folks seem to fall into one of those two main camps.

This was Lester's fourth Father's Day and each year he pretends that he wants to have the Father's Day free-for-all. He comes up with all these things he says he's going to do all day long "by.MY.self!" He threatens not to come home until long after the kids go to bed.
I am always just fine with that - it's his day, after all. But I also know him better than he knows himself.

Because every year, we do some version of this:
 

Playground fun.

Cherry picking at Baugher's Farm.

Head off as a family for Sunday brunch.

Watch Clair climb on EVERYTHING and give Mommy a heart attack. She is, hands down, my climbiest, most fearless child.

Pose for family photos.

Go hang out with my Dad at my Mom's house, get clothes soaked by Russy, eat Popsicles and all kinds of other junk and just spend time with family all day.

Like I said, either way of spending Mother's Day or Father's Day is fine by me. Lord knows, there will be plenty of Mommies' days that I plan to spend at the pedicurist.

I just thought I would let the record show that Lester does not know himself as well as he thinks he does.

Maybe on his birthday I'll convince him to go out and have time to himself.

-40-

I took off work for my birthday today. It's the first time in my adult life I did that.

Usually, I like to be at work, around friends and people who want to take me to lunch. :-)

Today, after having had three babies in two years, I just wanted to spend my birthday ... ALONE.

I took my time getting out of the house, I ran errands and talked to friends and family on the phone. I shopped, I ate lunch in the mall food court. I was the master of my own schedule.

I got the deluxe pedicure -- the one that takes even longer to finish and includes hot towels and a leg massage.
It was absolutely lovely. Best start to a new year in a long time!

Happy 40th birthday to me!

I'm looking forward to what this year will bring.

P.S. Lester gave me beautiful earrings and had the boys draw cards, which they gave to me this morning while I was still in bed. Dean proudly wrote a "D" on his card for me, and Cary drew me a rocket. I have the best boys -- all three of them.

Play day

The Gilman School is a fancy-schmancy private school for boys here in Baltimore.

We'll likely never be able to afford to send even 1/4 of a kid there. But that's OK, because their awesome, awesome playground is open to the public.

At least we think it is. Hmmm ... Errr ... It was open for us yesterday. How 'bout that?

Cary has been on a roll

*Playing with these last night, the boys were whizzing through, matching pictures with letters like old pros. Then I noticed Cary looking forlorn. "I can't find it," he whined. "I can't find it!"
"Which one are you looking for?" I asked him.
"W," he said.
I did a quick scan of the floor and realized the W was already matched with its picture, the watermelon, and was away in the box, with the other already-matched cards.
"Are you sure you're looking for W?" I asked. "What picture do you have?"
He turns the card around so I can see it, showing me a yellow, sour fruit.
"Wemon," he says.
"Ummm, yeah, sweetie," I told him. "Good job trying, but I think you want the 'L.'"
Then I cracked up (silently).

*In the tub, going over personal information.
Me: Dean, what's your last name?
Dean: DAVIS!
Me: Good job! Cary, what's your last name?
Cary: Ummm. ummmm....ummm..."Beary?"

(Guess we have to do the last name drill a little more often with that kid. And stop calling him Cary Beary.)

P.S. I know we have not done a good job doing the personal information stuff with my kids. When did you all start drilling the whole "Phone number, address, call 9-1-1 in an emergency" stuff? Is now a good age to start?

* This morning, as I get dressed:
Cary: Mommy, do you have a baby in your tummy?
Me (sighing): No, but thanks for that, kid. That's just leftover from Clair. I'm done having babies.
Cary: Nooooo. I want you to have Russy!

Cary Beary is hysterical. Love that kid.

Showing some Koco's Pub and neighborhood love

Last night Lester had to work late and it was gym night. So I knew coming in the door after work that it was all on me. Usually, that is just fine. Not even a second thought.

But yesterday, for some reason, the prospect of being home alone during the witching hour with three crazies, preparing leftovers, cleaning up the dining room, kitchen and (at least three times) the living room, pleading and cajoling to get them in their pajamas and in the bed etc. etc...well, let's just say it did not sound appealing to me.

So on a whim, I decided to throw the crazies into the car and go grab dinner, somewhere, anywhere. I thought of Chik-fil-a, and of Friendly's and decided they were too far. But I knew I wanted someplace that would be fast, cheap and family-friendly. So I ended up at a restaurant right around the corner (a block down from the Red Canoe) called Koco's.

I've been there several times before with Lester, or with friends and even once with members of the board of the Green School, for a board meeting. (Cocktails + crabcakes = best board meeting ever!) But I never thought to bring the kids.

I'm so glad I did and I know we'll do it again!

The place is so family-friendly, it even has a big area in a corner with trucks and toys and crayons and coloring books. There's a half freezer on the floor, stocked with Popsicles. And the wait staff is SO helpful and friendly and accomodating, it was just like being home with family. At one point, while reaching for a toy on a shelf, Dean slipped and fell into a milk crate on the floor (it was actually pretty funny how stuck he was in that crate). Before I could get over there, a server had rushed to his aid, picked him up, hugged, rocked and soothed him! It was amazing and so, so sweet.

No one cared when trucks were being rolled all over the floor; no one batted an eye when a play telephone came crashing to the floor. Our server (whose son is in the 4s class at the kids' school) brought us a ton of extra napkins without me asking and brought Clair a plastic cup full of lemon slices because she noticed they were keeping her occupied and quiet(ish).

While there, I ran into the owners of the Red Canoe, who have become friends of ours, and at least two sets of diners came over and chatted with me, or played with the boys and cooed over Clair.  I loved the laid-back, familiar feel of the whole night. It was such a low-stress evening, I left there feeling like I had made the best parenting decision of  recent weeks. (No dishes when we got home confirmed that feeling.)

When I think about us finally, finally being able to move to a new house someday, I literally cannot tell you how excited I get about leaving the City: for lower taxes and better schools, green grass and closet space, clean streets and corners unoccupied-by-teenagers in low-slung pants.

But then I think about things about our neighborhood that I really love -- the park, the Red Canoe, the cozy, family-feel of their school, the pizza place with the best po' boys on Earth, the growing stretch of retail and restaurants along Harford Road, etc. -- and I get a little sad.

I now totally add Koco's Pub to this list. I wish we could go there every night!

Health updates

Last week we took Cary to the ENT. After a battery of tests, he agreed with the doctor from the Hearing Assessment Center: Cary needs tubes in his ears.

We conferred with our pediatrician and he is on board. So tubes it is.

All the doctors agree that there's no real rush, so I think we will make the appointment for a week or so before or after our trip to the beach in mid-July.

Strangely enough, I'm not worried or nervous at all. I just want my sweetie to hear normally. The end.

About me: I got my results back from my blood work.

The good news: My cholesterol is much lower than it was the last time my doctor tested it, so he's not worried about that (for now).

The OK news: My blood sugar levels are at 6.2. For background, doctors consider less than 5 to be absolutely normal. They consider 7 or more to be diabetic. Anywhere between the high fives and the high sixes is "pre-diabetic." That's me.

The last time I was tested my number was 6.1. So my doctor considers this to be "holding steady." No medication necessary, no real intervention needed. He did tell me to continue to watch my diet, and to "add in some exercise." To which I say, "Yes, of course," and "Easier said than done, doc."

The bad news: My Vitamin D is miserably low. Most things I've read say a good number should be somewhere between 45 and 60. My number is 17. (Tam, you were right!) Ack!

The jury is still out about all the true health benefits of adequate Vitamin D, but I admit to being intrigued by the hypothesized connections to blood sugar and to immune system health. 

My doctor told me to take 5,000 mgs. a day of Vitamin D. We looked for capsules that high in Target and didn't find them, so as soon as we get to a health food/vitamin store, I'll pick some up. I fully intend to try to build up my Vitamin D and see if it helps at all with all the sickness. I have also been taking my sweet time  when walking in the sun, although I am nowhere near up to 15 minutes a day.

Maybe I can build up a whole year's supply of Vitamin D when we go to the beach!! Hmm, now there's a thought.

All in all, not great news on the health front, but not terrible, either. Nothing we can't work with.

Fun-filled weekend!

Friday night, Lester and I went out on a date.

It was a beautiful warm evening and we decided to skip having a fancy dinner and instead try this fancy, newish pizza spot we'd been hearing a lot about. 

So glad we did! It was relaxed and delicious and easy-going. Just what we needed.

On Saturday, the boys and I headed out to the library and picked up a few books. Then, after their nap, we went to a Taste of Two Cities, a huge food truck competition. 

I got fried green tomatoes from this truck. NOM NOM NOM!

There was a big, open play area for kids and I tried to show the kids how to hula hoop.

FAIL!

We also miscalculated a bit by thinking there'd be a hot dog or pizza slice somewhere on the grounds of this gathering of food trucks, so when we figured out that it was all mostly "adult" food, and expensive to boot, we decided this was one night the kids could eat nothing but junk and it would be just fine.

Needless to say, this was a very popular decision on our part.

Unfortunately, Dean insisted he wanted a cupcake and not ice cream, so after he inhaled his (very delicious) cupcake, he had a severe case of dessert envy.

"He's not sharing!!!

He badgered Cary and whined to me and badgered Cary some more, until finally Cary gave in to the peer pressure.

Dean always gets what he wants from Cary. Check out his knowing grin. (This kid is hilarious!)

We were out late Saturday food-tuck-tasting, but we managed to get up and out of the house first thing Sunday morning to go to a lovely rooftop breakfast at the Maryland Science Center.
 

The event was sponsored by the Center as an attempt to woo members from specific neighborhoods. Of course you know we're already members, but that didn't stop us from taking advantage of free breakfast, looking out over the Inner Harbor on a beautiful Sunday morning.

We spent a couple hours roaming the nearly empty museum, exploring the laws of physics, looking at turtles and playing in the water room.

They happily sat on this bed of nails. Yikes!

Clair yelled at every child who came her way, because she totally believed the entire water table was hers and hers alone.

And then we headed home to nap and get ready for the work week ahead.

But the weekend would not have been complete if Lester and I didn't recognize in some small way the anniversary of our first date, which was June 2, 2006.  We didn't know we were on a date at first, but that night we drank a lot of sangria and talked and talked and talked -- through three different watering holes -- and realized we had stumbled (a little tipsily) into something special.

So last night, while I was cooking dinner, Lester whipped up a batch of sangria!

And after the kids went to bed, we sat at our dining room table, surrounded by three high chairs, and talked and talked and talked until we were both a little tipsy. We talked so much we completely missed Mad Men and before we knew it, it was midnight (egads!!) ...

I'm exhausted and just a teeny bit hungover this morning. But I don't regret staying up late drinking sangria and talking with my husband for three-and-a-half uninterrupted hours. The fact that we still enjoy each other's company after 7 years (7 years and no itch!) ..well I think that is something special.