Good Enough Parenting

Bloggy friends:

I read a good article today in The Atlantic and wanted to share it with all of you.

Also, I want to enshrine it here on my blog for all of eternity, so I can refer to it whenever I have the urge to tell Cary or Dean, "Good job!!!" for breathing in and out successfully.

How to Land Your Kid in Therapy




It's long, so don't attempt to read it while los ninos are awake and cranky!

But it's totally worth the read.

First visit to Rock Creek Park

One of our friends' son had his 1st birthday party this weekend at Rock Creek Park. It was a great day to be at the park because it was summertime warm, but not too oppressive, and she picked a wonderfully shady spot to have the party. We threw a blanket down on the ground, tossed some toys around and let the boys roam. They loved it.

I have fond memories of Rock Creek Park. As a kid, my family used to have picnics there, especially for big-group celebrations, such as Father's Day, or 4th of July. We'd set up a badminton net, and a grill, cover the tables with more food than we could ever hope to eat, and spend the whole day running and playing and eating and getting bitten by mosquitoes and loving every minute of it.

I can't wait for my boys to have those kinds of experiences as well. This weekend was a great start!

Happy 2nd Father's Day, Lester!

Today, Cary and Dean gave Lester very special gifts for his second Father's Day.

First, they wrote out their own cards for him. All by themselves! (I translated for them in the upper right-hand corner.) Geniuses, clearly!!! They used markers, because inexplicably I don't have any crayons, and they got more marker on their hands and on the foam mats in the living room than they did on the cards. Note to self: Buy crayons!!

(Careful readers will note that Dean's card is ripped. I contemplated having Dean do his card again, on a fresh, un-ripped sheet, but then I realized that a ripped sheet is SO Dean. So at the very least it's authentic.)

Then, they gave him a very important piece of reading material.

(We will NOT be reading this to them, but we do plan to turn it over to them when they have kids of their own. *Diabolically laughing*)


And finally, they took Dad for a leisurely walk around Lake Montebello. It was very relaxing. Even when Dean kept throwing his sippy cup out of the wagon.


All in all, we enjoyed our day tremendously! Can't wait to see what these boys have planned for next year!

Dean switches it up

Anomaly #1: Amiable Dean

I lamented a while back that Dean seemed to go throughout his days in a monotone, only escalating if he was cranky about something.

Lately, however, he has been a very happy baby! He laughs so much, I'm almost like, "Who are you, child?" Unlike Cary, Dean's laugh is less giggle and more a chuckle (and many times even a maniacal guffaw), but it is still just as gratifying to hear it. It makes my heart majorly swell. I especially love it that no one makes him laugh as much as his Dad, either when he's tickling him or throwing him up in the air, or making a funny noise. The two of them together are super cute!



Anomaly #2: Dean talking

Yesterday, I was pointing to a picture of a ball in a book, and asked "What's this?" Truthfully, I was talking to Cary, because he's the know-it-all in the family. But my Deanie piped up and said, "Bbbbu." So I asked again, just to be sure. "What's this, Dean?" And he said it again, "Bbbbu."

No one but me and Michelle would know that he's saying "ball," but believe me, he is. I love it. All those books that said that my babies would be slow to verbalize because they were 1) twins 2) boys and 3) preemies? Harrumph!

Anomaly #3: Dean's teething (?)

OK I know I've cried tooth before, but this time I swear, I swear, I swear I see the tiniest hint of white poking out from his top gum. A tooth is trying mightily to make its way into this world. I don't know what's taking it so long, but it's trying. Poor little slowpoke tooth.

Anomaly #4: Dean is apparently on a diet

So anyone who knows us knows that Dean has always been a hearty eater. From birth. I've never had trouble with him eating, which is precisely why he is 23+ lbs., with a Buddha belly, and thighs like a stallion's.

But recently, I'd say in the last week or so, he has been rejecting food after three or four spoonfuls. Last night, he barely ate even one spoonful, whining instead for what we had on our dinner plates (they basically had the same thing, just blended more for toothless baby pallets). So we had to give him forkfuls of food off of our plates to get him to eat. Today, even that tactic ran out of steam and we resorted to putting single kernels of corn on the table in front of him (and Cary, for that matter) so he could finger-feed himself.

This is really knocking me off-balance, because -- try as I might -- I can't shake the feeling that he's not getting enough to eat. How did this happen seemingly overnight? And will my child waste away to nothing? Will every dinnertime meal from now on be a fight?

To keep myself from diving into the Worry Pool deep end, here's a heart-meltingly cute video of Dean laughing. (It happens quick at the beginning. If you blink, you'll miss it!)

12 Things

Things to note since my last post:

Cary fell off the bed this morning. Like Humpty Dumpty.
So honoring the egg-like way he took his tumble, I thought I'd list a dozen things going on in the boys' and our lives.

1. Cary slid headfirst onto the floor this morning. It's his inaugural fall, and it was a doozy. I tried to grab him by his little feet, but I wasn't quick enough. And boy did he wail. But you know what was so weird? I felt immensely sorry for him, of course, but I was also just the teensiest bit gratified to have him let me hold him and rock him for an extended period of time. He was so sweet all curled up in my arms, rubbing his little eyes and pouting. That baby just melts my heart!

2. Cary started saying "uh-oh" when something falls (or mostly when he throws things to the floor) and today I heard Dean say "ah-AH" when he threw one of the bathtub letters out of the tub. So cute!

3. In fact, Dean is finally starting to verbalize just a little bit. He's begun with saying "UH!" and throwing his arms up in the air, and then saying "Duhh," and flinging his arms back down. Cary and Dean both do this and find it to be loads of fun.

4. I gave Dean the cloth napkin today at dinner and told him to wipe his face, and he did. No big deal. But then I told him to wipe Mommy's face, and he leaned forward in the chair and DID! So funny that my boys are beginning to really understand things!

5. Cary and Dean have started to play together, just a little bit. Moms of twins will know that this is a real milestone, and something you sorta wait for, as every single person you ever meet will ask you, "Do they play together?" or say, "Well, at least they'll have each other to play with." And you wait and wait while they ignore each other and think, hmmmm. Am I missing something? But just this week, Dean has started "chasing" Cary, and playfully falling onto Cary's fleeing torso. Cary giggles uncontrollably when he does it, and then wriggles free and speed-crawls away, then looks back over his shoulder, waiting for Dean to do it again. It's the most adorable thing. I tried to get it on video, but when I started walking up the stairs, Dean noticed I was leaving the room and immediately kicked Cary to the curb to come crawling and crying after me. Gotta remember to keep my phone or camera handy at all times, people!

6. Cary and Dean also have started actually fighting. It's very mild, and people who don't know how benign their little spats used to be would probably laugh at what I call fighting. But Lester has noticed it too. Their tugs are a lot more forceful, their angry grunts a lot angrier. Dean has meanly pushed Cary over and pulled him angrily to the ground. And yesterday, while having a tug-o-war over a piece of candy wrapper paper they found God-knows-where, Cary seriously banged Dean in the head with his little fist like three or four times. I am truly amazed at how early this kind of thing starts! And before the judgment police weigh in, we don't spank our boys, they don't watch TV, and Lester has never gone Ike Turner on me. So where do they learn this stuff? (Full disclosure: Lester and I both laughed a little when Cary was pummeling Dean in the head, because it was like watching a mosquito try to box with a rhinoceros! Dean never even noticed!)

7. Lester and I looked at a house for sale in the neighborhood where we want to live and FELL. IN. LOVE. Too bad we have not even started doing any work on the house we own in DC so we can put it on the market. Sigh. I wish we had never even seen the house. Waaaaah. ("Pity party, your table is ready.")

8. Cary still calls me Dada.

9. Dean still has no teeth.

10. I have to come up with a list of things to accomplish this summer (or I might stretch it to "this time next year") and it's sorta stressing me out. So the first thing on my list is: Get started on my list!

11. I have agreed to participate in a program in my neighborhood that is intended to encourage more healthful, local foods. It's connected to the charter school of which I'm on the board. I'm getting a container with tomato, eggplant and other plants to put on our front porch. Yes, me. Tanika Davis. And we're also getting a rain barrel from a different, but related, program. I am so excited about this!! I don't have enough yard to really grow things (nor do I have the least bit of experience growing anything!) so this container will be perfect. And I've lately been wanting to get a rain barrel, even though I have no idea what it means to have one! LOL! (You have to laugh at yourself, sometimes). I wish the boys were older so they could participate in this with me, and learn about science and nature and the ecosystem. And also come to appreciate being producers of things, not just consumers. But I guess I'll just have to keep this up until they're old enough to get it. Dear Lord, please color my thumb an energetic, long-lasting shade of green.

12. After coming back from our friends' wedding in West Palm Beach, it seems Lester and I have been bitten by the get-out-of-the-house bug! This Thursday, we went out to see our friend Doug perform a short story at Stoop Stories (he was awesome!) and then sat in the car at Lake Montebello and ate McDonald's and talked. Friday, my sweetie surprised me at work and took me out to Oceanaire for lobster dinner (to celebrate my birthday, which was Saturday). And Saturday, we went out to the Associated Black Charities annual gala (we were invited to sit at the table of clients of mine.) Three nights in a row! Out! Can you believe us? Who do we think we are??

P.S. Just to show you what a good time Lester and I had in West Palm Beach at the wedding, here's a photo of me boogey-ing down with our friend Gerry. Gerry is a dance machine with crazy moves! I look like I am trying to stop myself from falling over. But it is all in great fun!!

Confession

Confession:

Sometimes I am jealous of SAHMs.

I love my job; I really do. And I enjoy the work as much as I enjoy the idea of being a working woman and what it means for my future and what it communicates to my boys.

But at the same time, I read blogs like this woman's, and I start to feel a little bit cheated.

Don't get me wrong, I have made no secret about having moments of exhaustion, frustration, impatience, etc. when it comes to being the mom of twin boys. Heck, I even tried to sell one of my children on the black market!

But that doesn't mean that I wouldn't want more time to sing and laugh and play with them, do crafts and explore the outdoors, read to them and teach them things, eat at cool neighborhood cafes, go to Farmer's Markets and explain to them the importance of farming, run relays and dye eggs, and volunteer places and make mud-pies and play in the rain and on and on and on and on -- all in an effort to show them all that they can do and be. AND...just enjoy them, dangit!

I know I can do a lot of these things on the weekends and in stolen moments during the week, and I do and I will. I will do them even more as they get older and can actually "do" more things. But sometimes, I can't help but think how unfair it is that my basic interaction with them during the week is change them, feed them, kiss them, read one or two books, play with them (a little), GO TO WORK, kiss them, change them, read one or two books, feed them, bathe them, kiss them, put them to bed.

Grrrr.

OK, I'm finished my rant for the day. And I'll continue to read the Chasing Cheerios blog (and others like it) despite my green-eyed envy, because she seems really great and she has good ideas. I'll take 'em wherever I can get 'em.

Because it's so hot...

Because it's so hot, I thought I'd share these pictures of what my parents, aunts and Nana thought was a good idea to do with my babies while Lester and I were in West Palm Beach for Memorial Day Weekend.

Yes. They went old-school and bathed the babies in the sink!! Clearly, Cary loved it!


They even got a little smile out of Dean! (This, my friends, is no small feat.)
At first, I have to admit, I was a little snobbish about this. Sorta like when my sister told me that the babysitting crew took my boys to the hospital to go visit my brother -- in their pajamas! Say what?!?!

But, it is like 97 degrees here today, people. And honestly, if I could fit in the sink, I would do this myself!

Relaxing weekend, yes-indeed-o. (Clap Clap)

The past two weekends have been go, go, go -- and the boys have been shuttled from place to place -- so this weekend, we mostly hung around the house, playing chase with the boys and reading books and stacking blocks and knocking them down. It was really great.

To reward us, the boys slept until 8:30 this morning. I need to type that again, as it is unprecedented. ... The boys slept until 8:30 this morning! It was seriously the best present ever. Like, Mother's Day, my birthday and Christmas rolled into one.

We did have a few errands to run and people to visit, so my wonderful sweetie took all that on himself so I could relax and be with the babies. Saturday, he hit the grocery store and Costco. Today, he went to visit his aunt and uncles in D.C. and then went to the hospital to see my brother. It was a real homerun because my Dad brought my Granddad to the hospital to see Rashad, too, so Lester got to see him as well.

To make things easier for me, and so his family wouldn't be sad that they never get to see the boys, he took Cary with him. Dean stayed home with me.

Apparently, Cary was a big hit, laughing and smiling at people, and just being all-around good. Dean, on the other hand, seemed quieter than normal while playing with his toys and crawling around, and he was also slightly clingier (who knew that was even possible). I can't prove it, but I think he was missing his brother. When Cary got home, Dean perked up and became his normal spastic, screechy self. ScreechiER, even.

Few new things about the boys:

I let Dean play with the cordless phone today, since Cary was gone and there was no chance of fighting, and for the first time ever, he put it up to his ear! He did it many times, and laughed every time he did it and I said, "Hellooo?"

Cary's bottom tooth broke the gums, making the tooth count in our house, Cary = 3; Dean = 0. Deanie, you better get on the ball!

Both boys are getting stronger and better with standing unassisted. And Dean has started letting us hold his hands and walk him around. Before, he would collapse at the knees if we tried to help him walk. I think the little push-toy is helping. Those two boys sure do LOVE that toy.

Cary has started trying to "roll" his hands when we play pat-a-cake. It's so cute. But even cuter is when he claps his hands whenever he sees the book "Skippyjon Jones," or if we just say "Skippyjon Jones," because there's a section of the book that prompts you to clap.
"My name is Skippito Friskito (clap clap) I fear not a single bandito (clap clap) My manners are mellow. I'm sweet like the Jello And I get the job done, yes indeed-o." (clap clap)

Occasionally, he even claps to the beat. My children are clearly geniuses. Have I said this before?

Also, just to keep us on our toes, Cary has now become the baby who likes to give kisses, and Dean won't give you a kiss if you paid him. Go figure. (Here he is turning his head from a kissing Daddy!)



OK, having a glass of wine with my sweetie to round out this weekend. G'night!

Leaving early for the weekend

My boss said I can skedaddle, which is awesome because it is BEAUTIFUL here today. 77 and sunny, with a gentle breeze. Loves it!!

I'm gonna take off and go spend a little time with the kiddos, but I wanted to say a couple things:

1. My friend Stacey gave us a little push-toy thingy for the boys and LAWD is that thing trouble! They absolutely adore it, but they fight like the dickens over it. And it's heavy -- made of wood -- so it's also the cause of lots of run-over toes and smashed fingers. I refuse to buy two of everything, folks, I mean, that's just crazy! But is this a sign of things to come? If so, I might just lose my mind.

2. Cary and Dean have taken to spitting out their food while eating and spitting out their water from their sippy cups. They do this even if they're hungry and thirsty, just because it is sooo much fun, apparently. And when we say, "No spitting," or "We don't spit," that just makes them laugh and do it more! It drives me bonkers! So I'm trying to do what the Ames books says, which is to withdraw attention when they behave this way, and it seems to work for a short period, but then they're right back at it. I guess these things take time. Meanwhile -- plastic bags for us during mealtimes!!

3. Cary woke up last night at 2:30 a.m. with a massive, stinky, sticky poop. It's been quite awhile since I had to get up in the middle of the night, and it was made all the better by the fact that I had to clean up poop! Grrrr. I do not miss those days. It's nights like these that make me remember why I don't want to have another baby. (Lester? Do you hear that??)

4. The boys have learned "chasing." They love to be chased, usually just for short distances. It's the absolute cutest thing, watching them try to speed up while crawling, and giggle. Love it.

5. Still no sign of Dean's teeth.

OK, just wanted to get that down. I'm off to enjoy the rest of this beautiful afternoon! My goal is to take some pics of the babies this weekend, so I have some to post.

Meanwhile, to see photos from our 1st birthday photo shoot, go to Jennifer McMenamin's website, click on CLIENT PROOFING. Click on Cary and Dean: The 1-Year Session. Then enter my e-mail address: tanikawhite@gmail.com to see the gallery. They. Are. Frikkin'. Awesome!


And here's video of Cary with the pushtoy, while I'm holding Dean to keep him from attacking his brother for the darn thing:

Back from our awesome weekend

There's so much stuff to say, I'll have to do this in bullets.

• We had the best time in West Palm Beach! We partied with friends, had a blast at the wedding, went to reminisce at some of our old haunts and Lester even gave me a new wedding band to commemorate the four-year anniversary of our engagement. It's very sparkly and I love it. I also love him! Boy did I make a good decision to marry that guy.

(In the hotel before the pre-wedding party Friday night!)

(Outside the old apartment building where Lester lived when we got engaged in West Palm Beach. Yes, we went back to take a picture. Yes, we are corny.)

• The boys did well without us (surprise! surprise!) and only turned into mini-monsters for one full day after we got back. (A friend warned me this would happen.) But we're back into a good routine, and in fact, the babies are sooo much fun right now, Lester and I are constantly cracking up laughing.

(The baby pool)

(Cary eating the baby pool)

• I spent Tuesday all day with my brother at the hospital and we had a great time! His memory is slowly, slowly coming back and we were able to talk to each other almost like normal. And -- Praise God! -- I saw him WALK with a walker! I almost cried! Seriously.

• I think (think) that Dean may actually, finally be teething, because he has been Crabby McCrankCrank for a week or more. He refuses to be put down; he cries about EVERYTHING and he has taken screeching to a whole new decibel. I'm talking siren. But he also dances so incredibly cutely, I always forgive his grumpiness. Anyway, I guess we'll know if I'm right if he actually gets some teeth anytime soon. Poor little toothless thing.
  

• Both boys are hit or miss with the whole cow's milk thing. Yesterday Dean drank 5 ounces of milk all day long. That's it. Today, Cary only had 4! The doctor says not to worry about it, since both boys eat very well (they are going to eat us out of house and home, we already can tell) and because they do drink water in their sippy cups.

I'm having way too much trouble trying to post a totally cute video of the boys being hysterical, cranky, and oh-so-much-fun, so I'll post and come back later.

Meanwhile, yay for good weekends and inaugural trips away without the babies!

Updated 6/15 to add this video of Dean dancing (and I think there's a shot of cranky Cary in here, too.) I finally figured out how to get the video posting thing working again. Yay!

Circle of Love!

Four years ago today, Lester Davis asked me to marry him! We were in West Palm Beach and it was Memorial Day weekend.

This Memorial Day weekend, we'll be back in West Palm Beach for our friends' Brent and Monique's wedding!

I'm calling this the "Circle of Love."

Awwwww!

To commemorate our engagement weekend, I thought I'd post a few pictures of us when we were child-free and carefree, hanging out eating, drinking and strolling the beach in West Palm, and every visit was a vacation! Ahhh, youth!

Here we are just after getting engaged! We went back to the jewelry store (Yes, he went to Jared!) to get the ring sized. While they were sizing, I made Lester go with me to the nail salon to get a manicure. A girl can't have people cooing over her newly-bethrothed hand with busted fingernails!


Here we are at our favorite restaurant in West Palm, called Cabana (not to be confused with our favorite greasy 99-cent margarita spot, whose name I can't remember. I mean, hellloooo. We had 99-cent margaritas there. After we'd finish eating (read: drinking) we couldn't remember much of anything!)

And here is just ONE of the gazillion reasons why I said "Yes!" to Lester Davis when he asked: 'Cause he is HOT!!!


Love you honey! Our life together started in the sunshine state, and you've brought sunshine into my life every day since!

Three days to go!

No one told me there would be so, so, so, so, so much to do before a trip now that we're parents.

I have just about finished packing the babies' things and typing up a list of all that I'm packing so my Mom will know what she has and so I'll know what I ought to get back.

I typed up a "How to Care for Cary and Dean" list (even though I have a feeling no one is going to care what I say).

And we did the unofficial "will."

I have completely run out of steam to do my own packing, not to mention the fact that I have no idea what I'm wearing anyway, as I still have a pokey, paunchy, pregnant woman's belly. Yes, I do know my children are a year old. What of it?

I also have to go to the hair salon Thursday after work to get my hair flat-ironed and then get my toes and eyebrows done (can't go to Florida without a pedicure!!) and stop at the grocery store on my way to my Mom's to get a gallon of milk and some YoBaby yogurts.

I am SO gonna need this Memorial Day weekend getaway to West Palm Beach by the time all this preparation is done. Gracious.

Did I mention that Lester and I got engaged on Memorial Day weekend 2007 in West Palm Beach?

Today, Lester sent me an e-mail with this blast from the past:

Awwwww! Aren't we cute?!! I can't wait to recreate some of our engagement weekend magic while we're there.

But I hope I won't worry too much about the babies. After this past weekend, when I took them to Richmond to my cousin's wedding, and they cried and cried and cried on the way home in the car, I am now nervous that they're traumatized. I know I was certainly traumatized after that performance they pulled in the car, and their ultra-mega-uber clinginess all day Sunday.

Perhaps Lester and I can find the greasy spoon Mexican spot with the 99-cent margaritas!
Those may be more necessary than I could ever have imagined.

Living Will

In preparation for our trip to West Palm Beach in just FOUR DAYS (whoo-hoo!) Lester and I sat down tonight and did something we should have done a long time ago: We wrote down our wishes for Cary and Dean (and our assets, etc.) should something happen to both of us (say, a plane crash or something).

This is a morbid topic and one most people don't ever want to talk about, but we honestly feel like it's our responsibility to lay it all out in black and white, so that our boys are taken care of as best as possible if we should both die. It was a tough conversation, but we made it all the way through it without (too many) arguments. :-) That's because we did this out of LOVE for our boys, and each other. So many tough things can be made easier if we do them with love, yes?

We're calling this a Living Will and Trust, although truthfully neither one of us is a lawyer or even close. But we figure, once we get it notarized this week, it'll be as close as we can get to an official legal document without paying a gazillion dollars to an attorney. And we don't have time for that even if we had a gazillion dollars, because (have I mentioned already?) we're going to West Palm Beach -- sans babies -- in four days!

Whoo-hooo!

Now, all that being said, I feel the need for a prayer:

Father God, protect us on this trip please, and all our future days, so that this document we created will never, ever be necessary. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Midnight?! Yikes -- I'm off to bed.

My boys are awesome and I'm a single Mom

Yesterday, as if Dean could read my mind (or my heart) and knew I needed it, he stood in front of me on the floor, let go of my hands and started bopping to the music playing on the iPod behind him. He bent his little knees and boogied, with a look of sheer joy on his face! It was awesome.

I so needed that, Deaniekins!! Thank you!

Later, we played with nesting blocks, stacking them (me), knocking them over (Dean) and putting farm animals inside of them (both of us!)

He was totally serious as we went about executing these very important tasks. But it wasn't in a somber way, just a serious way. I guess that's just it. My baby's not sad. He's serious. And that's not so bad.

Meanwhile, Cary added a word to his repertoire. "Boo-ruh." Which means "toothbrush," in case you don't speak Cary-ese.

So the list is now up to:

Dan -- Fan
Poon -- Spoon
Boon -- Balloon
Nana -- banana
Boo-ruh -- toothbrush

He can also say "boom boom" and "brrrm brrrm." But those are more sounds than words. Either way, my kid is pretty verbal, I think!

I am a single mom this weekend. Lester is off to his cousin's wedding in North Carolina. I'm jealous because the wedding is on Bald Head Island, which is soooo cute and romantic. But because my own cousin is getting married in Richmond this weekend, none of my babysitters (Mom, sister) were available. So I'm braving the Cranky and Clingy Show alone for three days. Yikes. Prayers are welcome.

Also, either because I am a fool or a glutton for punishment, I am thinking hard about packing the boys up and driving 2.5 hours to Richmond to my cousin's wedding.

More prayers, thanks. Also earplugs.

I'll let you know how this goes. Happy weekend all!

Your One Year Old: Fun-Loving and Fussy? Or Fussy and Fussy?

So on the advice of LauraC., I am reading the first in the series of development books by Louise Bates-Ames, "Your One-Year-Old: Fun-Loving and Fussy."

It really is quite helpful and I'm so glad she suggested it (thanks LauraC!), but I think Cary and Dean are very inept speed-readers and so, when they read the title of the book, they completely overlooked the "fun-loving" part. These last few days, both boys have been cranky, cranky, fussy-pots. (This is the clean, Mommy-blog-friendly version of what I have really been calling them in my head.)

Cary is cranky about everything! He wakes up cranky. He crawls around cranky. He eats his food cranky. Holding him, he's cranky. Freeing him so he can explore makes him cranky. Refusing him an item that is inappropriate for babies to play with? Cranky. Giving in to get him to shut it up, pleeeeease? Cranky.

So far the only (and I do mean only) times he isn't cranky are when he's 1) drinking a bottle 2) riding in the wagon 3) asleep. Funny thing: he is still majorly cute, even crabby. I don't know how he manages to pull that off!

Dean is not quite as consistently cranky, but his clinginess has escalated to unprecedented heights. He cries when he sees me; he cries when he doesn't see me. Even when he's playing happily and I'm sitting RIGHT THERE, he often stops mid-play and crawls over to me crying, until I sit him on my lap and give him a thousand kisses. He wants me to hold him now even when he's eating! Do you know how difficult this is? To hold one 23-lb. baby on your knee, while simultaneously feeding him and his cranky brother and trying not to get food all over everything? I worry because it seems sometimes that he is just going through his day sorta in a monotone. And he only seems to escalate when he is going from monotone to cranky/clingy. Even Cary (on good days) escalates to "happy," or "silly" or "wow-check-this-out" But not my Deanie. It kinda makes me sad. And of course, I wonder what I did to foster this and what I can do to change it.

Ms. Ames seems to indicate that 18-months is worse even than this in terms of willfulness and fussiness and refusing to do things they used to love to do. If that is the case, I am going to need a few things:

1. Use the gift card my sweetie gave me to our local yoga studio for Mother's Day so I can go back to hot yoga at least once a week. Hot yoga = sooo relaxing.

2. Memorial Day to hurry up and get here so I can leave Cranky 1 and Clingy 2 with their Nana and Granddad for a weekend and decompress!!

3. A housekeeper and a cook.

4. A hot-stone massage, daily.

5. Brownie sundaes with extra hot-fudge and whipped cream (but that won't make me fat). Also lobster dinners.

6. Regular nights out with the girls, who I miss so much. Couple free drinks from admirers who want nothing in return (not even conversation) wouldn't hurt either.

7. Regular nights out with my husband, who -- strangely -- I also miss. Which is why we are having lunch today just the two of us, raging workload be damned!! Using a Groupon for $40 worth of food for $20 at Lebanese Taverna! Yummmm!

8. Prayer.

P.S. I took the boys for a loooong walk in their wagon yesterday and they loved it. They were so content and interested in the world around them. But boy oh boy -- pulling that wagon back up our hilly neighborhood to get home? No one warned me about that part!!!! How will I do this when Cranky and Clingy are even heavier? I guess I need to eat my Wheaties.

1-year-checkup

The boys had their 12-month checkup today and before I tell you the results, I need to let you know that Lester and I had a bet about how much the boys weighed.

I said Cary weighed 21 lbs., and Dean weighed 24.5.
Lester said Cary weighed 22.5 lbs. and Dean weighed 24.

We were both wrong.

Cary weighs 19 lbs., 12 oz. and is in the 10th percentile for weight, but the 50th percentile for height.

Dean weighs 23 lbs., 8 oz. and is in the 60th percentile for weight and height.

Clearly, we both think our boys are heavier than they are. You try lugging two wriggly boys around with you! You'll think they both weigh a ton, too.

The doctor said both boys are awesome, which we already knew. And then he congratulated us on getting from the last check-up to this one without either boy having to come in for a sick visit. You know what this means, don't you? Now, someone (or both someones) is bound to get sick. Dang that doctor!!

The boys also got shots -- and it was awful. They both screamed bloody murder (especially Dean) and Cary looked so hurt and confused. I hate shots!
We also were told that one possible side effect of these shots is a really high fever and/or rash that appears 7 to 10 days after the shots were given.

This sucks because 10 days from today we are leaving the boys with my Mom and grandmother (Nana) and going to West Palm Beach for two nights. First couple's trip away from babies ever and there's a possibility of a raging fever and a rash?? Oy!!!

Pray for us, peoples.

Oh, and in other news: Kristie came over yesterday and said that CARY IS RELEASED from physical therapy! I'm not saying it with all-caps-emphasis because I'm excited about it; just because I can't believe it. My little floppy, sleepy preemie no longer needs services! Wow. When I told Lester, he had the exact same reaction I did, which was to say, "Awwww." Like sorta wistfully. Isn't that crazy? Why is it just the tiniest, tiniest bit sad that he's released? Any therapists out there who can explain this one to me?

Anyway, Kristie still will come by once a month to work with Dean, just because of his little turned-out foot, even though even she admits that he's doing just fine with standing and cruising and will likely self-correct when he starts walking. I'm glad she's still coming. She kinda has a little crush on my boys, and who can blame her? They're perfect, turned-out-foot and all.

Photos from the Not-A-Party

The set-up, before the onslaught of cousins, pizza and cake and ice cream.

I'm proud of myself for actually making this cake. I always thought I would be the kind of Mom who made their kids' birthday cakes, but then when I'd see the fancy bakery cakes other kids had, I thought maybe I should do that. But no...Duncan Hines it was. Made with love by Mommy.


The babies in their 1st Birthday hats! Cary kept taking his off, so I had to be quick to get this shot!

The babies and Mommy!


Cary was in his GLORY, crawling around playing with all his big cousins. He was all up in everybody's business, shrieking and giggling, acting like he was one of them. He loved the noise, the people, the chaos.

Dean, on the other hand, only wanted to be held in someone's -- anyone's -- arms, or on someone's -- anyone's -- lap. He could have done without all the noise, the people and the chaos.
.

Mom, birthday not-a-parties are FUN!!

Mom and Dad, I'm not really sure what to make of birthday not-a-parties. Help!


Opening their gifts was super fun -- for awhile.


Especially for Cary ("Hey, I get to rip this paper? And it's OK?! Cool!")


But eventually, Dean made his way into Daddy's lap, where he was much more comfortable looking at all the wonderful books friends and family gave them.


They loved seeing their twin cousins, Kingston and Kenton, who are just five months younger than they are! Two sets of all-boy twin cousins? Oh, they are SO plotting total family domination!

Not-a-party over. We need a drink!

Thanks for the awesome time and all the lovely gifts, folks! Let's do it again next year!

Lovely weekend with 1-year-old boys and family

This weekend, we celebrated the boys' 1-year birthday with a "not-a-party" at my Mom and Dad's house.

I took photos of that event, but with my husband's work camera, because it's much better than my little point-and-shoot, but now that means I don't have the photos handy-dandy in my purse. So I'll have to post them later.

Suffice it to say, a great time was had by all!

Cary LOVED crawling around frantically with his cousins, playing with all their big-kid toys and shrieking happily. He was sooo happy.

Dean LOVED being held allllll day long by any and everyone. He was sooo content.

They both enjoyed (a little too much) all the defiant people who insisted on sneaking them chocolate frosting and vanilla ice cream. Despite my attempts to be a Tiger Mom about them not having sweets, I couldn't be in all places at all times, and there were just too many determined family members lurking around with chocolate on their fingers and ice-cream-cones. Sigh.

This does not bode well for when we leave the babies with my family Memorial Day weekend for our first trip away from them. When we come back, they will be raging sugar-holics, I'm sure of it. Double sigh.

Anyway, the babies got tons and tons of books and a couple cute toys, and we let them rip through their gifts, which they thought was tons of fun. They looked a little nonplussed about all the people singing at them, but I choose to believe they enjoyed the attention.

After the not-a-party, the whole family went to the rehab hospital to spend the rest of the gorgeous Sunday with my brother, who was sitting in the hospital garden, in a wheelchair, holding court! It was AWESOME. His trache is gone; he can drink and eat soft foods; he is re-learning boundaries and amazes all of us with his humor and determination. His memory is coming back, little by little, but inconsistently and in spurts. The doctors say this should get better over time.

Either way, this was seriously like the best weekend ever. Celebrating my two precious boys with my whole family and then visiting my brother, who is healing miraculously?? And OH! My Mom's brother came in town again and brought -- LOBSTER! And this time, I could (and did!!!) eat it!

Yes! Yes! YESSS! Best. Weekend. Ever!!

Me and my brother, Rashad -- 7 and a half weeks after his life-threatening accident.


Rashad and his daughter, who he "introduced" to us, saying "Y'all probably don't know this, but this is my little daughter." LOL!

The Davises, visiting the boys' Uncle Rashad at the hospital. (Those are balloons from their "not-a-party" in the background.)

Day 367 on Earth

Today is Day 367 for the Davis boys.

In that short period of time, the babies have proven themselves to be most awesome in so many ways. The latest:

Cary loves to laugh and talk. He is very verbal and can already "say" three words:

"dan" for fan
"nana" for banana
"poon" for spoon

Dean is as strong as a (baby) bull, and is destined to excel in something -- or all things -- physical.
He has a total quarterback's throw, and can bat at things with such accuracy, I think tennis might be in his future. He has somehow figured out how to pull Cary's highchair -- with Cary in it! That boy is strong!

Here's a video where you can see Cary's penchant for cracking up (he is so silly) and Dean's determination to master a task (in this case, "teaching" his toys to use the slide.)




These boys are SO much fun! I really think 12 months is the absolute BEST age so far.

For a little perspective ...

I thought I'd re-post these pictures from the babies' 2nd day on Earth:

http://lesterandtanikadavis.blogspot.com/2011/01/cary-and-dean-in-nutshell.html

They were soooo tiny!!

Awww, I'm all ga-ga today about my boys. Is it normal to be this much in love??

Happy Birthday boys! Momma has to go to a stinkin' work event, and you'll be asleep by the time I get home, but didn't we have a grand time today? So glad Daddy and I got to take the morning off to enjoy your big day with you!

Can't wait to spend the next year watching you grow! 'Cause this year sure has been a blast!

Happy 1st Birthday Cary and Dean!!

HAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPY BIIRRRRRRRRRRRTHDAY!!

Today was an AWESOME day!

The boys woke up at 7 a.m. (instead of 6:15 -- Cary!!!) so we got to sleep in a little.

We had a lovely breakfast together as a family instead of rushing around trying not to step on crawling or crying babies. Lester made a fruit salad. Deeeelish!

We put the boys down for a nap and then got ourselves ready for the day. Michelle arrived and immediately helped me start making my house not look a total wreck (thanks, Michelle!)

Then, my friend Jen McMenamin came over and took tons of gorgeous pictures of the boys and a few of all four of us. Dean refused to smile and Cary was desperate to get down on the floor and crawl, but I think she managed to get some good ones. She is a professional, after all.

We went to a field near us at Herring Run Park and Jen took photos of them in their new little red wagon! (iPhone photos...blah) The weather was PERFECT.


And then we let them play in the field some, but all they wanted to do was eat grass and buttercups. So we let 'em. Hey - it's their birthday!

For some reason, they thought grass was the most delicious thing. Who knew?

And then we came back to the house, stuck a candle in an apple muffin for each of them, sang the Happy Birthday song and then let them tear into the muffin. It was hysterical!



Michelle made them these adorable bibs! Aren't they sooo cute? And she brought over balloons too with each boy's name on them. Green for Cary; blue for Dean.

All in all, it was seriously like the best day ever! Can't wait to see these pics.

Happy Birthday to my beautiful, adorable, brilliant, hysterical, loveable, wonderful babies! You have made this past year the best of my life. And I thank God for the both of you!

Tomorrow is the big day! (A confession)

I would like to use this space today for confession.

Forgive me, bank account, for I have sinned.

When my boys were born, Lester and I agreed to be the kind of parents who believed in "less is more." We agreed that it was best to raise children who did not come to expect so many material things in life, but who were grateful for the few nice things we gave them. "Grateful" and "few" being the key words there.

So as their 1st birthday approached, we settled on a minimalist celebration. We'd have cake and ice cream at my Mom and Dad's with my sisters, brothers and their kids only. We'd eschew games, music, a big meal and most importantly a lot of gifts, for a few "Kodak" moments with family and a low-key, inexpensive day. But NOT a party.

I'm still doing well in the not-a-party department, even though I did buy a few party decorations, including hats for the boys, two balloons, plates, cups, etc.. But we're still gathering at my Mom's and the only folks outside of my immediate family who are invited are my cousin and her twin boys who are 6 months younger than Cary and Dean. I just couldn't leave them out. Those four boys are destined to be best of friends some day!

But the gifts...

Oh, the gifts....

About a month ago, I ordered a few books online, to add to their library. (Literacy is a big deal in our house, and we all know that reading creates synapses, my favorite thing!) I was so smug when I told Lester that was ALL Cary and Dean would get.

Then, my co-worker and friend bought a climbing toy for her son's 1st birthday (see pics from Hugo's first birthday party). I immediately knew that my boys would LOVE such a toy. So I ordered one from Toys R Us.

It's OK, I thought. One big toy for both of them isn't a bad thing. And the climbing is good for their development.

Later, I noticed a little red wagon with seats for two. I imagined pulling Cary and Dean around the neighborhood in the red wagon, and how much they'd love being able to see in front, on the sides and behind them, in a way they can't do in the stroller.

So I ordered one.

My plan was to give them the books to open at their not-a-party on Sunday at Mom's and the big toys would be available for their use at home on their actual birthday.

But then I thought, "Hmmm...they don't have a toy to 'open' on their actual birthday." So instead of just wrapping up one or two of the books, I ordered a little toy dog that yips and wags his tail when pulled, and one of those old-school xylophones that are ubiquitous in all American childhoods.

Let's re-cap: books, a climbing toy, a little red wagon, a toy doggie, a xylophone.

How exactly is that list "minimalist?"

Why did I feel the need for them to have toys to "open?" They have NO IDEA it's their birthday, or what a birthday is or that you're supposed to get presents or what "opening" said presents means or anything like that! They are a YEAR OLD. Cary thinks the fan's name is "Danh" for goodness sake!

What was I thinking? I'm so ashamed.

I need help. I really do. Not to mention, we're getting the boys' photos taken tomorrow by my good friend, Jennifer McMenamin, and that endeavor is costing us a GRIP.

So all in all, this birthday is turning out to be expensive as hell. And my confidence is a little shaky about our ability to raise grateful kids who don't feel entitled to so many things.

Next year, I'll have to do better.

Happy Day After Mother's Day!

I will never forget Mother's Day last year. My Aunt and cousins were in town, and my mother planned a huge seafood feast, complete with my favorite food of all time: lobster. Lester and I couldn't get to Mom's fast enough.

But I was heavy with two babies and downright miserable. I couldn't sit for long periods of time or stand without tiring. Climbing stairs was out of the question. And that day, I realized that eating was also a chore. I barely touched my bowl of sweet lobster meat, sprinkled with fresh lemon juice and soaked in melted butter. Mostly, I just laid on the loveseat in the family room, grumpy and uncomfortable. I couldn't wait for that coming Thursday, when I was going back to the doctor for my 35-week checkup, so the perinatologist could tell me if one of the babies was lodged under a rib and the other one stuck in my pelvis. 'Cause that is sure what it felt like.

My cousin -- who has three children -- watched me toss and turn on the loveseat, and said to me, "Honey, I hate to tell you, but you're not making it to Thursday."

I ignored her. I HAD to make it Thursday and to the following Thursday, too. I was determined to make it to 38 weeks, but if not, then 36 weeks was the absolute floor for gestation. Anything else would be a failure! I wanted that lobster, but if I had to suffer without it (and without sleep) for two more weeks for my babies' sakes, then I would do it!

Two days later, in the middle of the night, I woke with a start, feeling like I had wet myself in the bed. So I got up to go to the bathroom and water GUSHED down my legs and onto the floor. I screamed out to Lester, "Babe, wake up, my water just broke!"

As he rushed around getting the hospital bag (which was packed and ready for days) and calling the doctor, I stood in the shower, with my head against the wall and cried.

I was 34 weeks, 5 days. I hadn't made it to 38 weeks. I hadn't made it to 36 weeks. I hadn't even made it to 35 weeks!!! My babies weren't ready; they were too small, too young! I had failed as a mother -- and they weren't even here yet!

Later that afternoon, Cary was born at 4 lbs., 4 oz. Dean followed 90 minutes later at 4 lbs. 10 oz.
They stayed in the NICU -- mainly to eat and grow -- for two weeks and one week, respectively.
I worried about them fiercely! What would happen to them, having been born so early? Would they struggle? Suffer? I prayed that God would protect them and grow them, and help them develop normally -- despite my inability to keep them protected, growing and developing inside me.

Yesterday, my first Mother's Day, I looked at my two big, healthy, active, smart, hysterical babies and my heart smiled.

God had done it.

And I had not failed. These two precious nearly-1-year-old boys are proof positive of that.

358 Days of wonderfulness

The babies are one week away from being a year old. This means they have been on Earth 358 days.

And on Day 358, Dean stood up from a stooping position for nearly 5 seconds!! So exciting! I literally held my breath while he was doing it. He was so proud of himself. And I was so proud of him! He looked so strong, and so much like a big boy! He is my little athlete!

Kristie, the physical therapist, said Cary stood up twice on his own while she was here on Monday, but I have yet to see him do it for more than a fraction of a fraction of a second.

On Day 357, Cary explored a little blue tunnel I put in the living room and determined that he loved it! He crawls in and giggles on his way out to the other side. Sometimes he stops in the middle and peers out one of the net windows. (Dean's still not so sure he really wants to go in there, but he cracks up at Cary peeking out the windows). He is my little explorer!

I don't know if it's because they are turning 1 or not, but I really seem to notice more and more how they have grown and are maturing. I remembered today when they were newborns how nervous I used to be when I thought someone was burping them too hard, or causing them to startle. Now, Lester tosses them up in the air and they crack up laughing. He flips them upside down and they crack up laughing. They push each other down and fall and bump their heads and chins and knees, and somehow they are still alive.

I am impressed with Cary's penchant for all things auditory-related. He perks up when he hears music and can imitate many sounds. He absolutely loves to hear us read books out loud. He cracks up when Michelle does her funny voices. Already he can "say" words such as "danh" for fan, "boo" for "boom" (as in Chicka Chicka Boom Boom), "brrrm brrrm" - which is what a tractor says. He even mimics my father's gruff voice by growling when he hears me say the word "Granddad." Sooo smart!

I am floored by Dean's fierce affectionate nature. He loves giving us kisses and sitting on my lap. He hugs us so tight and clamors after Michelle when she comes in the house. Tonight, when I came in to check on a loudly-complaining Cary 10 minutes after they were supposed to be asleep, Dean popped up in the crib and grunted for me to come kiss him goodnight - again. Once I did, he laid right back down in the crib, grabbed Lovey the Puppy, and cooed. Sooo sweet!

In the coming days, I want to try to enjoy every drop of the last bits of wonderful infant-ness I have left in them. I can already see how quickly they are growing up and away. :-(

Happy May Day!

This was a busy weekend, but a really good one. Here's a list of all we accomplished:

Saturday

*Went to breakfast at a little diner; ate pancakes. Boys did sooo good at the restaurant! Pancakes were a hit with them, as were the fried potatoes. These boys take after their Mom. The babies also were a huge hit. Everybody in the restaurant came by to smile at them.

*Got the babies their first pair of real shoes! Pre-walkers from Stride Rite. I took them to a real store so they could get their feet measured. Despite my very fraternal babies being totally different in every imaginable way -- including size -- they both wear the same size shoe (4). Go figure.

Cary getting fitted:
Dean getting fitted:

Playing in their new shoes!

On our way out:



* Took the boys to Jos. A. Banks with Lester to get him new suits. Showed them a fountain in the mall.

* After bath and bedtime, watched a movie with my husband and snuggled in our bed.

Sunday

* Got up, went to Home Depot and bought flowers for my front yard. Then went to the grocery store. Did all that and got back while the babies were still napping. Yes!

* Took the babies to Hugo's first birthday party. They were cranky and clingy (new house, new people) and I was by myself because Lester had to work, so I only lasted about two hours, but we had fun. The boys ate quiche and watermelon and loved both! Also, turns out Hugo got the SAME new shoes! Awww.

Here they are playing at Hugo's house (before the whiny-ness set in):


*Put the babies down for nap No. 2 and immediately got started putting my flowers in the ground and in pots. It started to rain a little bit, but it was really satisfying to be out in the yard, digging, wet hair and all. Last year this time, my yard went to hell in a handbasket because I was HUGE and ridiculously uncomfortable.

* Washed all the boys' bedclothes because Lester went to get Cary up from nap No. 2 and discovered that he had taken his diaper off and pooped and peed all over everything. Even Lester. And also Lovey the Monkey. JOY!
I decided to wash Dean's stuff, too, because ...well, why not?

* Had a visit from a good friend, who was just in town for the weekend.

* Put away the babies' winter and too-small clothes. Dug out the shorts and T-shirts my sister gave me that belonged to Russy (that little boys had more clothes and shoes than J-Lo). Happy that I will have to buy them very few spring/summer clothes! Thanks Tahira!

* Watched ANOTHER movie with my husband!

All in all, this was a great weekend!

But somehow, I feel super guilty because I didn't make it down to the hospital to see my brother. So next weekend, I'm spending all weekend down that way. P.S. I heard his voice on Friday!! He said, "Hi Taneek!!!" BEST. DAY. EVER.